Patron mom: “Ma’am can I get some crayons for my son?”
Upset Waitress: “NO! I don’t have crayons!”

Ok I work in a small small joint. This is not a fricken Chucky Cheese. Why do parents bring their small needy children into sit-down restaurants? They pay $5.95 for a Grilled Cheese for a whiny brat why? Maybe they don’t want to clean up after the bastard? By time it’s all over with the child seems to be filthier than my floor anyway. The children seem to be miserable no matter what. Give the screaming curtain climber a cracker, let it build towers with the jellies, drink the creamers like small glasses of milk, or play some stupid game with the sweet’ & lows, they are still miserable. Almost all sit-down restaurants will give your heathen a coloring place-mat and crayons. For some reason the restaurants feel it’s their responsibility to keep shit-asses occupied, probably so they don’t pester other patrons. Well I disagree. I think it’s great when parents see how horrible their children really are. I especially love when the offending table gets complaints, then it becomes my duty to tell the offending parents to control their children or leave. Parents need to control their own children at a dinner table, not the other way around.

If you are a smart waitress, try and pawn shitty tables like this off to the new girl.

This is a message to all you parents that have noisy, obnoxious brats. You are a waitresses worst nightmare and I have no problem saying “Go to McDonalds”.