I hate a lot of things, but table hogs are my enemies. Every restaurant has the typical table hog. You know the one, the shitty server that has no concept of rotation. Typically table hogs end up getting themselves into the weeds. Then the hog gets upset because you won’t offer to do anything for them, yet the hogger knows better than to ask for help. Table hogs usually don’t make more tips than you, they just work harder for the same amount of money. The average table hog may make 10$ to 15$ more than you, however, I wipe my ass with 15$ bucks. They get weeded and can’t give the best of service. That means you will have to take care of their table, which is one thing I really hate.

There is a way to deal with these kinds of shitty co-workers. Start off by slapping him/her in the face with a dirty bar wrag. Then make their shift miserable by slamming them with tables. Give the offender all the big parties if possible. Then say things like “Are you in the weeds?”, or “Do you need me to take a table?”. The hogger will always say “No, I’m okay”.

Another thing I like to do is send the table hogger to their table even though the eaters don’t need anything. I say things like “Table one said they need more water”. “Table four needs more napkins”. “Table three asked for their check”. Little things like this will put the asshole table hog into the fricken everglades.

Now that the table hog is busting his/her ass, you can get your side work done. Meanwhile, your shithead co-worker is swimming in the glades all night, left with the remaining sidework, only to come out with a whopping 15$ bucks.

Point of the post:
I don’t play well with others.