Every Autumn the birds fly south for the winter. The snow bird is no exception. The snow bird is featherless, flightless, brain dead critter with no conscience. It is a master of consumption and waste. They consume my air and waste my time. A flock of snow birds can completely destroy a town or village in less than a week or two. A large city like Miami or Houston are all but decimated in around three months. These flocks often split into their individual family groups called (shit heads) upon arrival to a new area. This is done to ensure the complete disruption of all that is around them. That way the dysfunction of the group can go unimpeded and unnoticed. Flock after flock descends on hotels, restaurants, and campgrounds. These brightly colored birds are hard to identify unless you know what you are looking for. The snow bird is easy to recognize in the hotels and motels. They are the ones with a heartbeat. It’s not so easy to find them in the restaurants. If you listen real close you can hear their calls. “I want… Bring me… Get me… Give me… and I need…”. These are just some of their cackelings. In the spring the (shit heads) again converge into a large flock then fly away home to their northern nesting grounds. These rookeries range as far north as Canada, and encompass all of the northern United States. Surprisingly only a few snow birds actually come from Alaska. The Alaskan snow bird rarely migrates and is seldom seen farther south than northern California. After the last of the birds have flown home the environmental clean up begins. Countless hours and dollars are spent removing the piles of garbage they throw on the roads and in the woods. The worst of the clean up occurs on the coast line and the surrounding waters. It has been estimated that at the rate of proliferation and migration that all but three of the worlds ecosystems will crumble to dust within twenty years, six days, seventeen hours, and forty-four point one minutes. This is why I have suggested a global erradication of the breeding pairs and the sterilization of non mated foul. If you would like to contribute to the Snuff the Snow Birds trust fund, you can send a check made out to cash. I will personally make sure that it is properly distributed. One final note. If you think that the snow birds don’t effect you let me remind you that these mass migrations add extensively to greenhouse gases, and are directly responsible for sharp increases in fuel costs globally.