There’s Something About Bacon.
I love Kevin Bacon. I love bacon wrapped in bacon. I love Francis Bacon. I love Canadian bacon. Okay so it’s not bacon, but that’s what they call it, so I love it. I love makin’ bacon, I love bacon flavored toothpicks. My heart belongs to bacon. My mother told me to stay away from bacon. She said it was “the under belly of the meat world”. I disagree. Bacon is God. Sensuous slim slabs of smoky, salty, sweet meat. Erotica for your esophagus.
My boyfriend is a cop. I met him in his car on the side of the road. I drove by and it was bacon, bacon, bacon, I smell bacon. What’s in the car? I can’t read. So I stopped to ask for directions I didn’t need to a place I would never go. He was eating a B.L.T.. It was love at first bite. I mean sight. I could never be with someone who didn’t like bacon. I can’t live without bacon.
I love it so much that I use it for deodorant. Sure it’s pricey, until you realize it is actually quite frugal. I mean have you ever tried to eat Right Gaurd? I have. I’ll stick with bacon, thank you. Let me warn you if you use bacon for deodorant be prepared for some unwanted animal friends. So, there you go Mr. Bacon Pants My post on bacon. Tasty. Right. Come on, tell me it makes your mouth water.
moooooog35 on December 20th, 2007
If your boyfriend wasn’t a cop, and if it wasn’t illegal in 16 of the lower contiguous states, my face would be all up in your armpit bacon.
By the way…bacon grease makes an excellent shaving cream.
It’s how my nuts get that nice, pork-scented overtone and high-gloss sheen without coming off as being too pretentious.
Helpful tip.
moooooog35 on December 20th, 2007
By the way…I’m granting your bacon-flavored self a link.
Mosley on December 20th, 2007
haha! I love it. I am going to have to start rubbing bacon in new places. Thanks for the ideas!!!
Native Minnow on December 20th, 2007
I think you could wrap bacon around anything and I’d eat it. Well, maybe not another man’s cock. Maybe.
Upset Waitress on December 20th, 2007
moooog35, I too shave with bacon grease, however I didn’t feel it necessary to get so personal with my readers. KY is a thing of the past! Ditto on the link! My link is bacon smelling scratch-n-sniff ok?
Mosley, here’s little tip for ya, wait til’ it cools off!
Jenny on December 20th, 2007
Despite the fact I gave up meat over 20 years ago… the smell of bacon can get my DNA chomping for it. And vegetarian bacon?
It B L O W S.
Upset Waitress on December 20th, 2007
Jenny, you must be cursing the existence of bacon. How can I restore your faith in bacon?
Oh Minnow,
I didn’t see you up thereDid you say “Maybe”? Burn my britches and call me cheeky. You are my hero.Jenny on December 20th, 2007
Oh, I am. I am. And then I think what it would do to my body to try to digest it after so many years… and I still want it.
Damn Bacon. Fabulous, wonderful Bacon.
P.S. Native Minnow cracked me up.
Upset Waitress on December 20th, 2007
Jenny, after all those years being meatless, it would probably be like digesting a shoe.
Gypsy on December 20th, 2007
You are hilarious girl. Well I’m loving that delectable piece of bacon in the uniform…can I have him?
Upset Waitress on December 20th, 2007
Gypsy, I for one am not stingy! Feast away.
The Seeker on December 20th, 2007
So funny you are… :)))
Well, I’m a vegetarian, so I don’t eat bacon…
Thanks for your comments on my blog.
havingmycake on December 20th, 2007
Did you know that there is talk of bacon carrying a government health warning over here. Apparently all those pesky chemicals that they now use to preserve it are bad for us and so we shouldnt eat it. Like most of us hadnt worked out that all that white stuff that comes out of it is probably not good. But it certainly wasnt there when we cooked bacon when I was a kid.
I sense a whole underground network of secret bacon eating about to start up - organic of course.
Oh, was this supposed to be a post about that bloke. I didnt even notice him, I was too busy reminiscing about the smell of bacon cooking.
Blondefabulous on December 20th, 2007
MMMmmmmmmmmmmmm! Baaaaacccccccccooooonnnnnnn! I feel my arteries clogging already with its fatty, meaty goodness! Not too sure about bacon as a sexual aid though.
Mr.DNA on December 20th, 2007
I’m just wondering why Jenny is a veggie is she loves bacon so much? Why deny yourself. Life’s too short.
B A C O N !
Upset Waitress on December 20th, 2007
Yes Blondie, I get ya. I use it for more than sex. The grease is great for chapped lips.
Cake, next time Ruf decides to pump your ass try rubbing his pipe with a slab of bacon first, but you must try your hardest not to suck that fabulous flavor off of him. It will be like an electric slide!
Welcome Seeker. Do you like bacon?
manuel on December 20th, 2007
My boyfriend is a cop bwahahahaha priceless…
also how did you get that picture of me in the cops outfit……..those were rough days for me…..
Upset Waitress on December 20th, 2007
Oh Manuel…I sensed you were a pig.
Mr. DNA on December 21st, 2007
Bacon flowchart
http://www.beerorkid.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/bacon-_flowchart.jpg
Upset Waitress on December 21st, 2007
Haha that chart is awesome DNA!