Noel My Ass.
This post is dedicated to
My dog is the sweetest old man accept during the holidays. He hates, and I mean hates Christmas. One year we dressed him up as Santa Paws. All the little kids were pulling on his beard, trying to sit on his lap, and made him fetch candy canes (which made him do a circle dance while shitting mints). I don’t think he liked being dropped down the neighbors chimney either. Oddly enough, neither did the neighbors. What can I say, I drink more during the holidays.
The first year we had him we dressed him up like an elf and cut off his tail. I mean have you ever seen an elf with a tail?
Another year we even made him go caroling. Let’s just say the neighbors didn’t take kindly opening their doors to a big ass Rottweiler barking Jingle Bells. Apparently caroling is hungry work for a dog because he ate six cats and two children. That made him very thirsty. The neighbors were having a Christmas party. So our wonder-mutt busted through the door, chewed a hole in a keg, and drank fifteen gallons of beer.
So, when I put the reindeer horns on his head today, he knew what was to come. He gave me that expression like…”I’m so going to eat you bitch.” He snarled and shook off his reindeer horns. Then he bolted down the street and pissed on the neighbors nativity scene and ate baby Jesus. After he crapped out three tiny reindeer and a garden gnome, he ran down to the Seven-Eleven to eat a case of beer. I haven’t seen him since. Tomorrow he’ll wake up next to some bitch and won’t know what happened or where he has been. He will finally drag his ass in around one in the afternoon. He will spend an hour whimpering and whining until he eats a bottle of aspirin.
Paco on December 21st, 2007
Hey Dog, you look like a sissy!
Hans Solo on December 21st, 2007
Listen rat, you are on territory I just pissed on. You wanna box? I will huff and puff all that newspaper out of your litter box! Wanna sniff my butt?
Paco on December 21st, 2007
Oh bring it, you pile of fur. You don’t scare me. Especially if you don’t have a tail.
Dan on December 22nd, 2007
I can see the headline tomorrow morning: “Woman Mauled While She Slept By Abused Dog”.
Thanks for visiting my blog the other day. I left you a tip. Not really.
Qelqoth on December 22nd, 2007
It is this level of violence that has gotten you featured on my latest blog.
Blondefabulous on December 22nd, 2007
I have a small, diminutive rat of a Yorkie who loves to dress up! He has an entire wardrobe of sweaters, leather jackets, halloween costumes, etc….. I am quite sure your beast could eat him in one gulp, christmas sweater, bow, and all!
Gypsy on December 22nd, 2007
No wonder the poor bastard hates the holidays….I feel your pain Upset Dawgie, I feel your pain.
Paco on December 22nd, 2007
I can take that Yorkie too.
Henry The Guard-Donkey on December 22nd, 2007
Humans tried to dress me up for Christmas ONCE.
A Rottweiler tried to bother my cattle ONCE.
Native Minnow on December 22nd, 2007
Someone stole the baby Jesus out of my friend’s nativity scene. That just seems incredibly wrong.
Upset Waitress on December 22nd, 2007
Paco, so you’re scared of a little tail, so are you a virgin?
Dan, heya! New headline. “Retarded reindeer goes bazerk”.
Qelqoth, if you think that’s violent, you should see me in the bedroom!
Gypsy, quit feeling my doggie.
Blonde, that settles it. Your dog is gay.
Henry, why hello:) You type well for not being human.
Minnow, maybe baby Jesus resurrected?
manuel on December 23rd, 2007
i hope he rips your ears off…….awh