Another stinking year is over. One more about to begin. Everyone wants to know what my resolutions are. So, here goes nothing. I resolve that this up coming year I am going to quit being so nice. That’s right. I am going to be the biggest bitch ever. If you come in to eat, don’t plan on getting what you order. You will get what I give you and you’ll like it. I know many of you are asking “What has changed?” Nothing except when I give you the wrong food I won’t be doing it with a smile. You shouldn’t bother coming in new years day because I’m going to be hung over. The cook will be drunker than usual, and the busboy will be dealing with immigration issues. The boss will be gone on vacation. The credit card machine will be down because I ran a peanut butter sandwich through it yesterday. Don’t bother trying to call in an order. The phone will be thrown in a sink full of dish water the first time it rings.
Don’t be too discouraged though. The 1st marks the start of the new cockroach racing season. Shortly there after, rat hunting season opens. This last year it had been suspended due to the conservationist movement. That’s right, P.E.T.A. stuck their noses in it. Now we have size and bag limits. There are also strict rules on how one can hunt for them. The good news is Micheal Vick has agreed to help set up and finance a hot dog fighting ring for us. O.J. will finally be a drink you have for breakfast and not a dominating force on the evening news(We Hope!). With any kind of good luck we can go to hating Paris because it is a city in France and not a hopped up little whore teaching our children bad habits. We will get a new President. However, nothing of consequence will get done. Except the little guy can expect to be shat upon a lot more. So, I am going to wish you a happy new year.
Love, Upset Waitress xxx
13 Responses to ' Happy Poo Year '
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on December 31st, 2007 at 9:09 pm
Happy Screw Year to you too! This year I am going to quit being everyone’s door mat and tell ‘em all…….. F U! Do your own shit on your own time and bite my ass if you don’t like it! Go fuck with someone who gives a damn! Whoo hoo, ya got me started….. or maybe I shouldn’t have drank so much before writing this!!
on December 31st, 2007 at 9:13 pm
Blonde, that reminds me I didn’t get any damn champagne. I’ll be back to you sister, I gotta go to Walgreens.
on December 31st, 2007 at 11:39 pm
I’ve finished off a bottle of Reisling and am hitting the cham-pag-ne at midnight!!
on January 1st, 2008 at 4:18 am
touching
on January 1st, 2008 at 10:34 am
i wish we worked together…….happy new year bitchy bitch
on January 1st, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Happy Poo Year to you too!
on January 1st, 2008 at 5:47 pm
It’s SO important to set goals, missy.
on January 1st, 2008 at 6:08 pm
Blonde, I’ve finished off the champagne and starting in on the Wild Turkey.
nursemyra, yea it makes me misty eyed too.
manuel, clearly you don’t know me if you want to work with me.
Minnow, one more year I don’t want to step in.
Jenny, it’s more important to aim low.
on January 1st, 2008 at 7:34 pm
I thought this post was going to be about a New Year’s resolution to eat more fiber. But this is much better.
on January 1st, 2008 at 8:28 pm
renalfailure, hey hey welcome sir! However the title suggests, I have nothing about colon blow. Sorry to disappoint you
on January 1st, 2008 at 9:23 pm
Yeah, and I had to work a double today. But, it kept me off the sofa, the streets, whatever.
on January 4th, 2008 at 7:41 am
Happy New Year to you funny lady. Btw, has anyone ever mentioned to you that cute little lady on your mast head (representing you) looks just like Samantha on Bewitched?
on January 4th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
RG, like I’m feeling sorry for you, paalease, your GM gave you OB tickets. Yea you might be pulling a few doubles haha.
Gypsy, now that you mention it, it looks like a purple haired Samantha indeed.