Britney Spears makes me Miss My Mom.
I know I may get flogged for this, but I just have to do it. So I’m watching the news, and what makes the news AGAIN is that twit biscuit Britney Spears taking herself as a hostage. Now that’s just smart. The message she’s sending is, any drug addicted slut with babies can take themselves hostage. Well this is good news for me. Accept I don’t do drugs, but I drink more than Brittney so that should count for something. Anyway, this is what I’m thinking. I might tie a good one on this weekend and lock myself in my bathroom. Then I’ll call 911 and tell them I’m holding myself hostage so send over the negotiators. When they arrive, I will tell them I’m not coming out of my bathroom until I get a helicopter here full of cash, pizza, and of course a cooler full of beer. Now, the only problem with this is I have a kid that I wouldn’t want to hold myself hostage with. If someone said “Give up the kid”, I would be grateful and even pay the negotiators for the offer. However, I know my kid would be returned within minutes, then I would want a refund. Unless of course I establish some sort of return policy that ensures my kid won’t be back in my bathroom while I get drunk with loads of cash and pizza. And the only way around this is to give myself up. And let some hot EMT’s strap me to a gurney. That just makes me horney. Then I would get hauled off to a mental ward. And you all know I would have fun in a mental ward. “Thorazine, Thorazine”, we would all chant while flinging mashed peas and pulling up our hospital gowns. You know. A typical Saturday night. My old man says “If that were O.J. they would have shot through the kids to get him and then acquitted him”. It’s as if the “celebs” have all gotten together to put on the worlds biggest soap opera. All we have to do is watch. Anyway, as you can tell by this post, I’m half in the bag already, and with this I say “Happy headache” to those that share my glee 
Mark on January 4th, 2008
“pulling up our hospital gowns”
If you look like the pic above, I would like some copies. please…
Upset Waitress on January 4th, 2008
Mark, you know I’m much prettier. Plus, I am naturally tile. No shave bumps or bruises
Also, that putrid hole birthed 2 kids withing a year. I’m more put together than that swamp. heharahaha
Gypsy on January 4th, 2008
Between her legs seems to be the only thing neatly put together on Brit. The rest of her is just a train wreck!! She should have stuck with JT….that train has been steadily going downhill since the two Mouseketeers parted ratholes.
Mark on January 4th, 2008
“I am naturally tile”
Wow…
count on January 5th, 2008
tragic
Gorilla Bananas on January 5th, 2008
If you lock yourself in the bathroom, how can people be sure you’ve taken yourself hostage? You’ve first got to put a gun to your head and say “Back off, or I’ll shoot this hoochie!” like the black sheriff in Blazing Saddles.
nursemyra on January 5th, 2008
“I am naturally tile”
um, I don’t think we use that expression in oztralia. what’s the exact definition?
manuel on January 5th, 2008
magnificent work……
Mark on January 5th, 2008
Nursemyra:
Urban Dictionary - Google it. It’s a very handy reference especially when one comes across slang from the twenty-something crowd.
savannah on January 5th, 2008
bless her heart, she can’t help being trailer park trash from tangipahoa parish, louisiana.
(thanks for the add, sugar)
Henry The Guard-Mule on January 5th, 2008
I can’t expand the picture. Is that a devil or a piglet super-imposed on her twat? Or is the picture unaltered? Enquiring minds.
Upset Waitress on January 5th, 2008
Gypsy, It makes me want to ban my kid from Disney flicks. It makes my boy-friend want to rent them.
count, hi.
Gorilla, they would know I’m holding myself up in the bathroom because they would hear my TV, my radio, etc… I wouldn’t put myself in this situation without being totally comfortable.
Nurse, you know, not a lot of carpet.
Manuel, thanks for your one word
Mark, twenty-something? Oh you are soooo sweet.
savannah, you can take the girl out of the trailer, but you can’t take the trailer out of the girl.
Henry, I have no clue what you’re talking about..haha
Native Minnow on January 5th, 2008
Is that supposed to be fangs coming out of her vagina, or semen?
daisyfae on January 5th, 2008
i’m hoping like hell you can get out of the trailer park. or at least pretend to get out. or bury the experience deeply through alcohol. or sell the story to the tabloids one day, make a fortune, squander it on miniature dogs, diamond-encrusted tube tops and twat-wax…
Upset Waitress on January 5th, 2008
Minnow, it’s fangs and a tongue, I think. i was drunk when I did this, sooo your guess is as good as mine.
Daisy, hi! I personally wouldn’t mind all of that, accept leaving the trailer park thing.
nursemyra on January 5th, 2008
hey mark - I did google it before writing the comment, but it didn’t come up on the first page, nor did it come up on urban dictionary
but now that UW explained it to me I’m gonna be using it all day long…..
Blondefabulous on January 5th, 2008
Is it any wonder that the book deal the Spears Girl’s mom had has been put on definite hold?!? It was supposed to be about how she raised her kids “right” in the celebrity world or some other drivil to that effect. WTF ever!
Upset Waitress on January 5th, 2008
So you get it now nursey?
carpet, area rug, tile …hehe
Upset Waitress on January 5th, 2008
Haha Blonde. Yea the youngest is what? 16 and knocked up by an adult? I swear that family was raised under a bridge or something.