Waitress Shoes.
Now I want you to know I’ve been a waitress for a long time. And I’m the farthest thing from a professional. Let’s just say I’m very sloppy looking, and that’s being nice to myself. My hair is all over the place, my apron is covered in saucy stuff, and I always have a cigarette hanging out of my mouth. My shoes are no exception.
I’ve had these shoes a long time now. That wonderful hot mustard smell is not something the cook concocted, it’s my shoes. I’ve waded through gravy and meat juices with them. I’ve stomped out many a cigarettes and have crushed hundreds of roaches with them. I’ve also used them to un-clog a toilet or two. My shoes have even saved many biscuits from actually landing on the floor. I’m very good at Hackey Sack. I karate kick innocent butterflies that try to pollinate with the garnishes on plates. With these shoes I scoot the restaurant cat’s turds out from underneath the tables. I use the gum collection on the bottom of my shoes to pick up forks the customers drop.
Anyway, these are my shoes.
manuel on January 5th, 2008
Awh me too. My shirts never fit right, I have sauces of all colours up my arm, and I usually get something on my apron before I even fucking start. But my shoes are always polished. My girlfriend says my trousers are like MC Hammers. I took it as a compliment…..waiter time…..
Upset Waitress on January 5th, 2008
Well Manuel, that’s just plain fancy. So, you’re shoes are always clean? Do you have a big beer gut? And everything that falls hits your stomach first?
harahrha
Gypsy on January 5th, 2008
And here I was picturing you with a pristine, crisp white apron, hair in a severe bun with not a single hair out of place and shoes so shiny you could see your pretty face in them…..are you going to ruin my illusion by telling me I’m WRONG? Post a pic, go on I dare you….
Upset Waitress on January 5th, 2008
Haha Gypsy. Can’t you tell how I look by my shoes? That’s a hell of a dare though. Dam, I will take on the challenge. I will post a pic on tomorrows post, definitely. Haha, you will regret this sister.
Mark on January 5th, 2008
Will you be working your way up to your thong soon?
;o)>
Upset Waitress on January 5th, 2008
Mark, being a waitress, I get major ass rash, so it’s not in my best interest to wear thongs. Unless you count those old pair of granny panties I got that are so worn out that they are literally a couple of strings.
Tony on January 5th, 2008
mmmm….granny panties…
also, i love the shoes i have now, but they now have the dreaded horizontal crack on the soles, very bad for wading through gravy et al…
as for the messy in general, it seems like if there is anything within 50 yards of me, it will inexplicably be drawn to my white shirt…i should buy a bleach pen factory…
nursemyra on January 6th, 2008
you can buy bleach in a pen? why didn’t I know about this already?
tres sexy shoes mama. betcha they make your legs look long and louche
daisyfae on January 6th, 2008
just like momma’s kitchen… yum, yum…
and i bet you can get that cigarette ash really long. mom was so good she didn’t even have to take the cigaretted out of her mouth when telling a state policeman to kiss her ass!
ali on January 6th, 2008
My shoes are dark brown for a reason
Thank George my uniform is either dark green, maroon, or black shirt with black pants. White and I do not make a good combination.
Blondefabulous on January 6th, 2008
Mine are worse from when I was cooking up in Memphis! Did you ever nudge the rats out of customer view with yours? I didn’t have the heart to snuff out the little buggers, so I’d save ‘em up and let ‘em go after work.
Blondefabulous on January 6th, 2008
And if my bosses pissed me off I’d let ‘em go in the restaurant when a critic or health inspector was around. Fuck with my raise will ya!
Eric on January 6th, 2008
…. I’m still stuck on that hackey sack/biscuit imagery……
Upset Waitress on January 6th, 2008
Tony, I’m with Myra, they make bleach pens?
Nursey, honestly, my legs are no better than those shoes
daisy, is that you sissy aunt Jane?
ali, I serve white gravy, so black outfits are good for conversation.
Blonde, I only kick the cats when they take big dukes uner the tables.
Upset Waitress on January 6th, 2008
Eric, I’m a pro at hackey sack.
Tony on January 6th, 2008
man, you guys don’t get to walmart much…
http://www.clorox.com/products/overview.php?prod_id=bp
Upset Waitress on January 6th, 2008
Tony, wow that’s neato mosquito!!! I can just erase anything. I’m gonna get me some of these things and see if I can erase my boyfriends uni-brow.
Tony on January 6th, 2008
and UW and nursemyra, i’m especially disappointed with both of you, since the product has an “easy to hold tool” and “a dual-tipped applicator.” Seems like these are well withing your areas of expertise.
Tony on January 6th, 2008
don’t try it on the unibrow…tried it on my exgirlfriend’s mustache and it only made it grow in thicker…but a little blonder…
Upset Waitress on January 6th, 2008
Tony, hahaha. Funny man you
Goofball you!
daisyfae on January 6th, 2008
uw - i suspect we’re related. i also am combing the family archives to rule out any genetic connection to those Spears kids. Givin’ a trailer park a bad name, they are…
Tony on January 6th, 2008
i was invited to a goofball once but i didn’t have a thing to wear…
Upset Waitress on January 6th, 2008
daisy, you are my hero if you rule out them Spear’s from our gene pool.
Tony, just wear the same suit you wear on your birthday
nursemyra on January 7th, 2008
I want one of those pens!!!
jahooni on January 7th, 2008
I don’t think I will ever eat in a restuarant AGAIN, if so, I will check out my server’s shoes first!
Upset Waitress on January 7th, 2008
Nurse, I looked up those pens, they are more expensive than a gal. of bleach. Pfft.
jahooni, That’s why places like McDonald’s serve behind counters. SO you can’t see what their shoes have salvaged.