The meanest mom.
Today I watched a news story about a woman who sold her sons car for finding a bottle of alcohol under the seat. She took out an ad in the paper wherein she called herself the meanest mom. She is not the meanest mom, I am. If that had been my kid I would have parked the car in the driveway and drank his bottle of booze. Then I would have let any and all of the kids he doesn’t like use the car to take him to school. I would make him wear a shirt that says “Would you like to drive my car?” on the front, and with “because I am too stupid”, on the back. After a week of that I would whip his ass. Let’s face it, my kid gets no slack. I hit him in the head every so often, and when he asks, “What was that for?” I simply answer, “Nothing. Do something and see what happens.” He hates that. So, after a month of having to ride in his car with people he hates I would make him spend a month driving his drunk relatives to where ever they need to go. I would not let him drive it for any other reason. Finally I would make him do a month of community service at the county convalescent center changing bed pans and pre-chewing the old foggies meat pudding. I doubt he will ever get caught doing anything wrong again. What I don’t know won’t hurt him, but God help him if I do. Can you sell slain children on E-bay?
Dennis on January 10th, 2008
Not on eBay…but I think you can unload the pieces on Half.com (don’t quote me on that).
And tell your kid I want my shirt back.
Native Minnow on January 10th, 2008
There’s a good chance that my kids aren’t ever going to get a car in the first place, so that punishment wouldn’t work for them.
As for selling slain children on ebay, I’m pretty sure anything goes.
Oh, and Dennis, your comment about getting rid of the pieces on half.com killed me.
Upset Waitress on January 10th, 2008
Dennis, hahalaha. Well, I should have known that I couldn’t sell a slain kid on E-bay. It’s a “Live” auction site after all. You funny man
Minnow, No car for kids? What about jet-packs? Oh, and E-bay doesn’t even sell ammunition. I had to look else where.
Tony on January 10th, 2008
all i retained from this post was “whip his ass” and uncontrollable urge to call UW mommy…is that odd?
Gorilla Bananas on January 10th, 2008
“pre-chewing the old foggies meat pudding.”
That’s not a sexual thing is it. That would be going too far. I don’t know why young men need cars anyway. Roller-skates should be good enough at that age.
Gypsy on January 10th, 2008
I’ve got an uncontrollable urge to call you Joan…..as in Joan Crawford, Mommie Dearest……:)
Upset Waitress on January 10th, 2008
Tony, that makes you sound bi-sexual!
Gorilla, roller skates? It would take too long for him to get back from the liquor store.
manuel on January 10th, 2008
you’re just such a sweetie…….you could have been charlie manson’s mum…….
Upset Waitress on January 10th, 2008
Manuel, I don’t know how old you think I am but if you say it again I will brand a Swastika into your forehead
Tony on January 10th, 2008
really, bisexual? well, now that you mention it….nope, still thinking of you whipping me, sorry…
Upset Waitress on January 10th, 2008
Ohhhhh, you mean “me” whipping your ass. Golly you put yourself in between a turd sandwich. I get ya now
Jeese Tony!
Mark on January 10th, 2008
“I don’t know why young men need cars anyway. Roller-skates should be good enough at that age.”
Sheesh. Roller skates don’t have a back seat to fuck in.
C’mon, people! Do I have to do all the thinking around here???
Upset Waitress on January 10th, 2008
Mark, Roller skates don’t have back seats but you can still fcuk in roller skates. Remember “Roller Girl”? I look like her with bigger milkers.
she on January 10th, 2008
how are you with tree climbing dogs? the “impervious to pain” kind? grrherhaha
Mark on January 10th, 2008
“I look like her with bigger milkers.”
Sheesh. No pics???
jahooni on January 10th, 2008
Yes I would say that is very mean. very mean indeed and funny!
Upset Waitress on January 10th, 2008
She, nothing is impervious to pain. You’re just not hitting it hard enough.
Mark, my camera lens is too small for really big
titspics.Upset Waitress on January 10th, 2008
jahooni, that’s just off the top of my head. I can even be meaner.
jahooni on January 10th, 2008
I left you a comment on my blog….
Mark on January 10th, 2008
“Mark, my camera lens is too small for really big tits pics.”
That’s okay, I like nipples too.
Upset Waitress on January 10th, 2008
jahooni, you are whoring for votes too?
Mark, I lost my nipples when microwaves first came out.
jahooni on January 10th, 2008
yes, I am the whore.
Nick Phillips on January 11th, 2008
Boy, you ARE the meanest mom! LOL! Can I send my son to you? He might learn something there … LOL!
Spiff, The Spaceman
Mark on January 11th, 2008
OUCH…
BDS on January 11th, 2008
You definitely put the other mom to shame. I think the worst bit is waiting a week to whip some ass - the delayed whack coupled with the driving humiliation sounds brutal.
And if not Ebay, go with Craig’s List where the really bizarre goods are sold.
Henry The Guard-Mule on January 11th, 2008
The mean thing, in the character-development sense, was that she bought the lazy little puke-faced wigger a car in the first place.
moooooog35 on January 11th, 2008
Yes, to answer your question, you CAN sell slain children on Ebay.
However, they have to resemble Elvis, Jesus or the Virgin Mary.
Try Craigslist…they’re less stringent.
Blazngfyre on January 11th, 2008
BRILLIANT!
Of course, this is coming from the woman that juts took away all my 12yo Christmas pressies.
His grades were not up to par. (God love the internet and school system for allowing me to check his grades whenever I want!)
So, being the ‘good Mom’ I am, I let him open all his presents on Christmas, and use them all through his break, now that he’s back in school, ALL HIS PRESENTS BELONG TO ME AND HE MUST EARN THEM BACK!
Oh, and is it so wrong that I removed all the crap from his bedroom except his bed, dresser and desk?
Yeah, he has to earn that shit back too.
moi on January 11th, 2008
Slain children? Mmmmm . . . tastes like chicken. And were I a mother? I’d want to be just like you.
The Bad Ambassador on January 11th, 2008
I hit him in the head every so often, and when he asks, “What was that for?” I simply answer, “Nothing. Do something and see what happens.”
My old man used to give me a clip around the ear the odd time when was passed each other in the house.
I’d ask “What was that for?”
and he’d say
“I used to be your age… you’re either coming from doing something you shouldn’t have or you’re on your way to do something you shouldn’t…. and if neither of those are true its for something you did that I haven’t found out about yet.
I love Daddy Ambassador
havingmycake on January 11th, 2008
My teen keeps threatening me with Childline and the Social Services because Im refusing to argue with her. Apparently being calm and patronising is child abuse and an infringement of her civil rights to full on verbal arguing…
Upset Waitress on January 11th, 2008
Nick, He wouldn’t survive the lesson.
Mark, what? Did you catch your pecker in the door?
BDS, in the dictionary, next to the word brutal is my picture.
Henry, yeap…I agree.
moooog,
Blaze, Your only mistake was leaving the bed and dresser and desk. I would have even taken the pattern off the wall-paper!
moi, thank you for the comliment, but remember, NEVER become a mother!
Ambassador, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I had two sons
Cake, I tell my child to go ahead and call child services because that will be the last phone call he ever makes. And just remember the police can’t get there faster than you can be done!
Mark on January 11th, 2008
“Mark, what? Did you catch your pecker in the door?”
Yeah. Yours. And I’m on the West Coast.
Sheesh. You said you lost your nipples when microwaves came out. Sounds painful so I said “Ouch”.
Loses a lot when I have to explain and it had fuckall to begin with…