The Paper Trail.
How embarrassing! A poor little soggy bottomed old lady returned from the bathroom only to have a trail of toilet paper hanging out of the back of her pants. Really cheap toilet paper too. You know, the kind that you have to wad up into a small planet to get one decent wipe of the ass. Anyway, she sat down and I didn’t know if I should tell her about her papered butt situation. So I called onto the troops to make fun of her to give me advice on how to handle this fecal matter.
I asked the cute red headed waitress. She said, “It’s all you baby”, and walked away giggling.
Then I asked the busboy. He mumbled, “No habla Englase”
Then I asked the drunken cook. He screamed, “Heeeeeeey yoosh stupin bisht, look at yous assssss.
So I decided to take matters into my own hands and save her the embarrassment. I pulled the toilet paper from her pants…until I got to the brown part. Then I grabbed the drunken cooks clever and cut the toilet paper free. Don’t worry. I’ll try to remember to wipe the clever clean tomorrow.
jahooni on January 12th, 2008
You are too much. Funny as hell….
jahooni on January 12th, 2008
wait. is hell funny?
nursemyra on January 13th, 2008
don’t hate me for pointing out another typo.
actually ‘clever’ works better than ‘cleaver’ anyway
Gorilla Bananas on January 13th, 2008
You are a compassionate woman. And I think you’ve got a much better ass than you’re letting on.
Gypsy on January 13th, 2008
Bless you for helping the dear little old lady. I’ve had a similar thing happen to me except it was my skirt that was hitched up in my undies and I was showing a considerable amount of ass cheek. I was at work in an office and they let me walk around like that for an hour before anyone told me. Bastards!!
daisyfae on January 13th, 2008
very kind of you… but did she learn to ‘check six’ when walking out of the stall? will she do this again? i think if you’d have taken care of it for her with the cleaver, then threatened her with it, it would have been marked in her brain to NEVER leave a paper tail again. you know, the old ‘teach a man to fish…’ thing.
Mark on January 13th, 2008
Did you then grab the cook’s beaver cleaver, pray tell??
Henry The Guard-Mule on January 13th, 2008
Why do I have this mental image of you gazing at your hard-to-earn “Serv-Safe Certification” while laughing demonically?
Upset Waitress on January 13th, 2008
jahooni, hell is mildly amusing if you’re into that mildly sophmoric humor.
nurse, I was thinking the same thing!
Gorilla, compassionate in the way Atilla The Hun didn’t kill all of his victims?
Gypsy, I was just trying to save toilet paper though.
daisy, She’s eighty. She should know how to fish?
Mark, I’ve seen the cooks beaver cleaver and it’s the last thing I want to see.
Henry, If I serve you, you can bet you’re not safe “)
Blondefabulous on January 13th, 2008
I would have let her go about her business and left it alone. Perhaps she was trying to seem mentally incompetent a la those other ladies in one of your earlier posts so as to get a free meal. Did she start going on about “Hot Sausages” like the other one???
Upset Waitress on January 13th, 2008
Blonde, hell of a memory there
She wasn’t trying to get a free meal. She clearly was trying to make sure everyone else wasn’t going to enjoy theirs.
manuel on January 13th, 2008
above and beyond the call of dooty……..hehehe
Upset Waitress on January 13th, 2008
manuel, you said dooty….hehehahaha I love toilet humor.
Nick Phillips on January 14th, 2008
Oh, if it was my frens and me, we would have just made fun of the poor lady behind her back all day … LOL!