How embarrassing! A poor little soggy bottomed old lady returned from the bathroom only to have a trail of toilet paper hanging out of the back of her pants. Really cheap toilet paper too. You know, the kind that you have to wad up into a small planet to get one decent wipe of the ass. Anyway, she sat down and I didn’t know if I should tell her about her papered butt situation. So I called onto the troops to make fun of her to give me advice on how to handle this fecal matter.
I asked the cute red headed waitress. She said, “It’s all you baby”, and walked away giggling.
Then I asked the busboy. He mumbled, “No habla Englase”
Then I asked the drunken cook. He screamed, “Heeeeeeey yoosh stupin bisht, look at yous assssss.
So I decided to take matters into my own hands and save her the embarrassment. I pulled the toilet paper from her pants…until I got to the brown part. Then I grabbed the drunken cooks clever and cut the toilet paper free. Don’t worry. I’ll try to remember to wipe the clever clean tomorrow.
14 Responses to ' The Paper Trail. '
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on January 12th, 2008 at 10:12 pm
You are too much. Funny as hell….
on January 12th, 2008 at 10:12 pm
wait. is hell funny?
on January 13th, 2008 at 1:58 am
don’t hate me for pointing out another typo.
actually ‘clever’ works better than ‘cleaver’ anyway
on January 13th, 2008 at 4:06 am
You are a compassionate woman. And I think you’ve got a much better ass than you’re letting on.
on January 13th, 2008 at 8:31 am
Bless you for helping the dear little old lady. I’ve had a similar thing happen to me except it was my skirt that was hitched up in my undies and I was showing a considerable amount of ass cheek. I was at work in an office and they let me walk around like that for an hour before anyone told me. Bastards!!
on January 13th, 2008 at 9:55 am
very kind of you… but did she learn to ‘check six’ when walking out of the stall? will she do this again? i think if you’d have taken care of it for her with the cleaver, then threatened her with it, it would have been marked in her brain to NEVER leave a paper tail again. you know, the old ‘teach a man to fish…’ thing.
on January 13th, 2008 at 10:13 am
Did you then grab the cook’s beaver cleaver, pray tell??
on January 13th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Why do I have this mental image of you gazing at your hard-to-earn “Serv-Safe Certification” while laughing demonically?
on January 13th, 2008 at 6:21 pm
jahooni, hell is mildly amusing if you’re into that mildly sophmoric humor.
nurse, I was thinking the same thing!
Gorilla, compassionate in the way Atilla The Hun didn’t kill all of his victims?
Gypsy, I was just trying to save toilet paper though.
daisy, She’s eighty. She should know how to fish?
Mark, I’ve seen the cooks beaver cleaver and it’s the last thing I want to see.
Henry, If I serve you, you can bet you’re not safe “)
on January 13th, 2008 at 7:07 pm
I would have let her go about her business and left it alone. Perhaps she was trying to seem mentally incompetent a la those other ladies in one of your earlier posts so as to get a free meal. Did she start going on about “Hot Sausages” like the other one???
on January 13th, 2008 at 7:56 pm
Blonde, hell of a memory there
She wasn’t trying to get a free meal. She clearly was trying to make sure everyone else wasn’t going to enjoy theirs.
on January 13th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
above and beyond the call of dooty……..hehehe
on January 13th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
manuel, you said dooty….hehehahaha I love toilet humor.
on January 14th, 2008 at 3:24 am
Oh, if it was my frens and me, we would have just made fun of the poor lady behind her back all day … LOL!