Porking Bacon
I was peeking at my stats and lookie what we got here. “Wrap my c*ck with bacon”. How does a keyphrase like that point someone to my innocent little waitress site? I mean, I like bacon and I like penis. So I got to thinking which usually gets me into trouble. I called my boyfriend over and wrapped 10 strips of bacon around his large ding-dong. It smelled good but it was uncooked and I wasn’t going to lick on a raw porky. Then I thought…I can just microwave it. After a short argument, I agreed to unwrap the bacon from my boyfriend’s pecker before I cooked it. Bacon shrinks when you cook it so I had to cook a half pound in order to cover his whole Willy. Now what to do? The bacon was not bendable like before and started to break. Great, I was left with a pile of bacon bits. So instead of a pic for the pervert that came here looking for penis wrapped in bacon…I got nothing. And don’t go through all the trouble I went through to get a porky. I figured out that all you have to do is screw a pig. And I won’t post pics like that on here because I use this computer at work.
SoHoS on January 16th, 2008
Sausage and bacon???Yum!!!!!
manuel on January 16th, 2008
nice……just really really nice….I got nothing else….strange week this week….
Upset Waitress on January 16th, 2008
It’s slow. What can I say. Aren’t you the one talking about cabinets, shelves, and dirty ceilings? Palease. At least I got bacon and penises, 2 of 3 of my favorite things
Err, maybe I mis-understood your comment. Well, I might as well mention my 3rd favorite thing, beer with meat garnish!
Mark on January 16th, 2008
How about meat with a beer chaser?
Upset Waitress on January 16th, 2008
SoHos, heya, the other white meat!
Mark, Hey, I had a real cool comment for you on your blog and for shits sake it gave me a “bugger”. End of rant.
Actually, I prefer to stalk my meat with beers in my hands.
SoHoS on January 16th, 2008
Ok did you fix me???? Thank you!
Upset Waitress on January 16th, 2008
I fixed you, but remember next time you submit a comment, look at your site address in the “url” field and change it. You are missing a dot in there…..So you found me from Mark ? I guess he has a whole clan of goofballs. Welcome to my little corner of drunk waitress drivel
Mark on January 16th, 2008
Actually, I think that comment took. And you know, it was cool.
:o)>
SoHoS on January 16th, 2008
Love your blog!
Upset Waitress on January 16th, 2008
Awww shucks, thanks SoHos.
You earned a bumper sticker!
Woeful on January 16th, 2008
On Christmas day, the number one search term that hit my blog was, “BDSM.”
Erik on January 16th, 2008
You’ll want to microwave that bacon while it’s wrapped around a surrogate ding-a-ling, then you’ll get a nice bacon clock ring. Guaranteed!
Blackiswhite, Imperial Agent Provocateur on January 16th, 2008
“And I won’t post pics like that on here because I use this computer at work.”
I agree. You can’t go giving bosses ideas.
Upset Waitress on January 16th, 2008
Woeful, everybody’s favorite holiday activity
Erik, I would have, but I couldn’t find a microwave safe dildo.
Blackiswhite, that’s right, because bosses don’t have brains to absorb ideas.
Mark on January 16th, 2008
“Cook Bacon Microwave
Bargain Prices. Smart Deals. Save on Cook Bacon Microwave!”
Ha - that’s the ad at the bottom of your site! I think they misspelled “cock”, though…
Gorilla Bananas on January 17th, 2008
This is one of the many innocent pleasure that Britney will have to give up. No more cock-and-bacon sandwiches. I think she needs a big sister figure, Upset Waitress.
Native Minnow on January 17th, 2008
I love the things people type into Google and then end up on various blog sites. Just last night someone was directed to mine by searching for ‘pressed breasts’ but they had to have been sorely disappointed.
LBB on January 17th, 2008
Maybe he was just talking about chicken. Bacon-wrapped chicken tenderloins. Mmmmm.
Gypsy on January 17th, 2008
It cracks me up when people find my blog using some fairly debauched phrases. They must leave so disappointed. I bet none of them leave here without a smile on their face
Tony on January 17th, 2008
all i ever get for searches is “sensitive fantastic well-hung lover” and they all get pointed to my site…and leave quickly (i put that in there to take away the punchline from all you lame ass bitches
moooooog35 on January 17th, 2008
Helpful tip:
Put some peanut butter on it THEN put on the baco-bits.
Dogs love it.
..um…
Perchance I’ve said too much.
bent on January 17th, 2008
Perhaps when the clown put that in he thought he would find some porn on a dude porking some poor pig?
And great, now with that visual I can’t eat bacon anymore.
Buffalo on January 17th, 2008
I tracked you from Blazn’s joint. Note that tracking is different from stalking. I’m not sure of the difference, but surely there is.
Enjoyed the visit. Fair warning, I’ll be back.
Upset Waitress on January 17th, 2008
Mark’s picking on my ads. Money is money.
Gorilla, Maybe Paris, but Paris is trying to settle down.
Minnow, who was more sore? The one searching? Or the one with pressed breasts?
LBB, how do you know chickens have tender loins? Quit fcuking chickens.
Gypsy, if they’re leaving here smiling, them I’m not doing something right.
Tony, That’s funny, I searched for “schoolmarm fantasy” and found your site.
moooog, what was that? You said two mutts?
bent, I can think of worse things to put you off your appetite.
Buffalo, Heya, welcome
blazngfyre on January 17th, 2008
Waitress luv, you just KNOW that EVERYTHING is better wrapped in Bacon!
Sometimes though, you can only use the Bacon grease.
Just a thought …
Native Minnow on January 17th, 2008
Thinking a little more about this, I’d bet bacon grease makes for a great lubricant.
Native Minnow on January 17th, 2008
So long as it’s not sizzling that is.
Mark on January 18th, 2008
“Mark’s picking on my ads. Money is money.”
You’re such a WHORE! I love it.
What else will you do for a nice, crisp twenty dollar bill?
Upset Waitress on January 18th, 2008
Blaze, I just ate bacon wrapped in bacon. It was like a heart attack on a plate. Mmmm.
Minnow, of course it does. We’ve had this discussion before, I’m sure of it
Mark, I’ve done more for a cig than for a 20$.
Qelqoth on January 18th, 2008
That is quite amusing although mine are completely off the fucking scale. Enjoy:
http://www.cultofqelqoth.com/qelqoth/?p=46
Upset Waitress on January 18th, 2008
Yea but I can totally see you getting those search terms Qelqoth. Hah.
jahooni on January 18th, 2008
Oh man my tummy hurts from laughing…
whew!
Mark on January 18th, 2008
“Mark, I’ve done more for a cig than for a 20$.”
Hell, babe, I’ll even give you a light…
Axey on January 23rd, 2008
Hey Mark, UW is my groupie and I’m claiming her back. You wannadance baby?