More Than One Way To Skin A Cat.
I don’t like cats. I mean, I really hate cats. There are 3 of them that were left here by the previous tenets. They are all probably incested too. Anyway, I got to thinking, which got me into trouble. What can I do to the kitty cats that will make them move out?
I tried flushing this cat down the toilet. He didn’t cooperate at all. Not only that, he’s bigger than your average piece of crap and wouldn’t go down.
I taped this kitty cats tail to his head. He didn’t like this. Probably because he couldn’t get some good genital grooming done. After 17 hours I removed the duct tape. His ass really missed him because he’s still digging in. Even this didn’t make him vacate my trailer.
I stuck this kitty into my kid’s backpack and dropped them off in a dark, lonely, country back road. Six days later the little bastards came beating on my door. I wouldn’t have let them in but the police, child services, and animal control officials made me.
So, does anyone want a kitty cat? Can go to any kind of home. Good, bad, I don’t care. I will pack them into small boxes and pay the shipping. I don’t feed the cats so food and water is NOT included. I don’t know if they have rabies or not but I’m sure all the anti-freeze they drink is sure to have rid them of any parasites.
Woeful on January 18th, 2008
… And I thought that I was the only one who despises icanhascheeseburger!
Upset Waitress on January 18th, 2008
Doh! Woeful, we might feel the wrath of Manuel soon OOPS. He’s like a fur-burger lover. Crap, I forgot about him before making this post. Ahh well…Fcuk him if he can’t take a joke
Mark on January 18th, 2008
I think I can handle your pussy for you…
Tony on January 18th, 2008
I was hoping to be the first, “so you are offering me your pussy” comment…oh well…
Gorilla Bananas on January 19th, 2008
A black cat is good luck so think twice before giving him away. Your butt might double in size.
ali on January 19th, 2008
If only I could have critters, I would have you mail one to me in an instant
Nick Phillips on January 19th, 2008
Gee, I hope that cat makes it through the weekend with you … LOL!
I had one a cat camp out on my doorway once and didn’t want to leave. Good thing wifey took care of it. Don’t worry, no harm was done to the poor critter
nursemyra on January 19th, 2008
do you ship to australia?
http://nursemyra.wordpress.com/2008/01/15/show-me-your-pussy/
Gypsy on January 19th, 2008
Poor pussy…..the furry one I mean. Yours is hairless if I remember correctly. I knew all the boys would zoom in on the pussy remarks so I thought if you can’t beat em, join em.
bent on January 19th, 2008
You know where the commenters were gonna go with this, didn’t you?
Not a cat guy at all - only dogs allowed around this homestead.
she on January 19th, 2008
grrrrrherherherhahahaha! you might be my patron saint! songbirds twitter in love and appreciation
daisyfae on January 19th, 2008
i like cats. taste like chicken…
perhaps if the pantry at the restaurant runs low, there’s a happy solution for everyone?
Upset Waitress on January 19th, 2008
Mark, I handle that just fine.
Tony, you have to be quicker than that!
Gorilla, I always wanted a honkey tonk ba-donk a donk.
Ali, I love mailing critters.
Nick, why not?
Nursey, yes but I have to vacuum pack them first.
Gypsy, but you can beat them, and noone will object. Or joining is what they had in mind.
bent, sick bastard.
she, your quite possibly the only person that would nominate me for saint-hood
daisy, I guess, but I would have to switch our menu to include more rice.
Restaurant Gal on January 19th, 2008
Why not just give them to your drunk cook? But I wouldn’t be trying the daily special for the next few days.
manuel on January 19th, 2008
awh poor putty tat…….you ship ti Ireland? I’d love a pussy to call my own….
Tony on January 19th, 2008
uw baby, quick just ain’t my thing…if u know what i mean…
Upset Waitress on January 19th, 2008
RG, the drunken cook with a live critter isn’t a pretty thing. Let’s just say he wouldn’t be cooking it.
manuel, yes, but I would have to ship them in tupperware containers.
Tony, I know this. It’s ok though, I have a lot of fun with “slow” people.
SoHoS on January 19th, 2008
So you skin your cat, if I read gypsy right?
Upset Waitress on January 19th, 2008
SoHoS, Haha. Well, yea. I hate carpet. I mean I really hate it. I like shiny things.
Wormbrain on January 19th, 2008
hmmm how to get rid of three furry black pussies…
Call your local shelter. They love pussy!
jahooni on January 19th, 2008
How can you be so cruel? Poor little kitty. Shameful Upset Waitress. Shameful.
Upset Waitress on January 19th, 2008
Palease jahooni, they attacked my stuffed turkey on the wall. It’s missing a tail feather now. I’m not the cruel one, the idiots that left them here in my care are the cruel ones! :>
Upset Waitress on January 19th, 2008
Wormbrain, wooo with a name like that I must check you out.
SoHoS on January 19th, 2008
I agree!
Mark on January 19th, 2008
I thought you were naturally hairless??
Upset Waitress on January 19th, 2008
For the most part!
Mark on January 19th, 2008
Oh, well which is it, then??
I think I need a pic.
Ribeye of your Dreams on January 22nd, 2008
That’s evil, and I think the whole duct tape thing was most evil. I love ya girl, but this is just wrong. No cookie for you and watch out for PETA.
Upset Waitress on January 22nd, 2008
Ribeye, the duct tape wasn’t bad, it was the hot wax he objected to. I’m a card carrying member of PETA too (People Eating Tasty Animals)
Ribeye of your Dreams on January 25th, 2008
Lawd Lawd Lawd. I eat tasty animals, they’re cows and pigs and turkeys and chickins!