Just Eat It.
My sons first favorite thing is to play. His second favorite thing is to eat food. So he really likes to play with his food. Tonight I cooked a good healthy T.V. dinner. Some sort of beef product, carrots and peas that came right out of a box. I tossed it on some paper plates to make it look like I gave a shit. Much to my dismay he didn’t like his dinner that I slaved for seven minutes over a microwave for. Doesn’t he know all those buttons make my brain sweat and my fingers hurt?
Anyway, I smacked him senseless and told him to eat everything on his Chinette including the pretty pattern on the plate. He sat there for hours. Even took a few naps. One of these days I’m going to beat the narcolepsy out of him. Finally he started to get creative with his dinner and made what he calls Super Fork Kabobbies. What is a Super Fork Kabobbie you ask? Well who better to ask then a 10 yr old boy?
“What is a Super Fork kabobbie son?
Hrrrrmm, it’s something that looks vaguely like food, but it tastes like shit mom!
My son made a Super Fork Kabobbie he called Mr. Pea Sack. He gently made a torso out of peas and carrots, then shoved some carrots for legs on the tines of the fork. Then he softly inserted the pea sacks. He didn’t stop there, as you can see he added a hanging hunk of meat. “What is the meat for son?” “Jeeese mom, what good is a soft pea sack without hard meat?”. Nice son! You are living proof I’m raising you well.
The next Super Fork Kabobbie he made was apparently Darth Veggie’s ship. Believed to have been lost in the broccoli forests of the planet bistro. While making “zoom” sounds, he hovered this forked up ship over his plate until it was shot down by a smack in the head. “Try to have a little self respect son and eat your forking dinner”
NOTE: This post is a special blend of fact, fiction, fun, and fucuk you. Hand picked by underpaid illegal migrant workers and hand rolled by Muslim orphans. In case of accidental over dose please contact the blog poison control center.
Erik on January 23rd, 2008
That’s the best-looking TV dinner I’ve ever seen.
Erik on January 23rd, 2008
And your main page is riddled with ads in regard to high blood pressure. I think it’s justified considering the tone!
Mark on January 23rd, 2008
Hard meat and soft sacks. What a combo.
Next thing you know he’ll be tea-bagging you with his fork kabobbies…
Gypsy on January 24th, 2008
He sounds like a chip off the old block….yep you’re raising him up good. At least he won’t have high expectations from life
Nick Phillips on January 24th, 2008
Yup, he sure sounds like he’s your boy alright … LOL!
And he’s a pretty creative fellow too, did he get that from you? LOL!
Woeful on January 24th, 2008
“Mr. Pea Sack,” and “a hanging hunk of meat.”
- It’s what’s for dinner! delicious.
Gorilla Bananas on January 24th, 2008
Do supermarkets sell those famous MREs eaten by US soldiers? That’s America’s most famous contribution to international cuisine. And it sounds a lot better than ‘TV dinner’.
LBB on January 24th, 2008
Your kid is a creative, promising young man.
That TV dinner looks effing gross, though. Better to sculpt with than to eat.
Axey on January 24th, 2008
Organic is the only way forwards. My kids still play with their food, but once they’ve fcuk’d off from the table their left overs taste great! What amuses me is that we complain if our kids are fat becasue they eat too much but we also complain when they don’t eat. I was forced to eat my mothers crap when I was a kid so I don’t force food on my children. I take the line that if they don’t want to eat good food then screw ‘em! They don’t know what they’re missing and can go hungry. Besides, they never leave a tip!
Tony on January 24th, 2008
I’m glad you are back to picking on humans…oh wait, do kids count?
daisyfae on January 24th, 2008
he’s turning out well - you should be very proud! i always told mine “it’ll come out in therapy when you’re 21″… it hasn’t, but it comforted the hell out of me when i was subjecting them to such torment…
Buffalo on January 24th, 2008
Were you on your broom when you hovered over the microwave or were you wearing your tinfoil, mind control resistant beanie with the propeller on top?
(Thanks for linking me. Appreciate it.)
moooooog35 on January 24th, 2008
You asked your son what a kabobbie was?
You’re a great mom.
I refuse to talk to my kids.
They’ll figure out speech at some point.
I did.
Native Minnow on January 24th, 2008
I too have a child that could use some smacking around. Any way I can get you to volunteer to do it for me? Apparently it doesn’t work anymore when I do it.
Axey on January 24th, 2008
Try a rolled up newspaper - that ought to do the job.
jahooni on January 24th, 2008
Makes me want to come over for dinner!
Henry The Guard-Mule on January 24th, 2008
Maybe when the baby-daddy is released, it’ll have a beneficial effect.
moi on January 24th, 2008
I don’t have any children, but if I did, I’d send them to your house to be raised right. There’re some famblee values right there folks. Oh, and sorry about the blood pressure meds. Blobbers everywhere on the innernets are tossing ones back in your honor, I’m sure.
manuel on January 24th, 2008
I like to make faces with my dinner too……I used mashed pots to make a Britney face…..couldn’t eat it after…
USA_Admiral on January 24th, 2008
That is some imagination he has got there.
No more carrots or peas for me.
Lord Likely on January 24th, 2008
It is heartening to see a household where the children are encouraged to play with their food!
Lord Likely on January 24th, 2008
I would have been caned about the buttocks and sent to my room with no dinner.
It was there I discovered the joy of playing with my sausage, so it was not all bad, really.
walker on January 24th, 2008
So, what’s for dessert?
Blondefabulous on January 24th, 2008
Very creative…… My post about my kid is better! Nyaa…..NyaaaaH!
Gypsy on January 25th, 2008
Hey Sammy, where are you? You’re not sick I hope.
SoHoS on January 25th, 2008
Mr. Pea Sack. I love that!
SoHoS on January 25th, 2008
sounds like Sleastack
Upset Waitress on January 25th, 2008
Erik, Only the best bi-products will due for my family. I’ll take most any ad as long as it is legitimate.
Mark, At least the tea bagging doesn’t start until around fifth grade.
Gypsy, If I do it right he won’t have any expectations.
Nick, If you think that is creative, you should see his cat box sculptures.
Woeful, Something beefy for sustenance and something soft and round to cleanse the pallet.
Gorilla, If you want an m.r.e. you need to stage a natural disaster, such as a tornado or hurricane, then hang out in the aftermath for three weeks or so and if your lucky F.E.M.A. bring you one.
LBB, Another week pinned under the couch should squash that creativity.
Axey, My mother made me sit at the table for days at a time until I would eat my veggies. You haven’t experienced gross until you have had my mothers three day old boiled okra or her famous pork rind smoked spinach.
Tony, Apparently, so. We have forgotten that they are to be seen and not heard, and when did the village decide that children were the sole responsibility of the morons that had them? I mean, that we had children should tell them that we are clearly not capable of rational or logical thought.
Daisy, Not even Dr. Phil can find away to justify the reasons anyone with a brain would have young-uns.
Buffalo, No. Sadly my beanie flew away in a stiff breeze. As far as riding my broom you should already know that brooms require effort. I don’t like to exert myself.
moooooog, I was like that until my son was three and strung together eight cuss words in a sentence. I was so proud I just couldn’t contain myself.
Minnow, No problem, Have them hermetically in a mayonnaise jar on the back porch for week, then send them fifth class mail via the south pole. You won’t recognize them when I send them back.
Axey, I have found that a heavy log or bundle of cedar kindling are infinitely more effective.
Jahooni, you’ll make someone happier if you eat out.
Henry, Beneficial like a laxative, or like plane full of politicians going down just before someone has to decide witch one will fucuk us over the least? Never mind. Same difference.
Moi, You don’t want children they make terrible house pets. Thanks. When the doctor said meds I was hoping for more of a mixer than a fixer.
Manuel, Do smashed up pots taste better than pans? “couldn’t eat it after”. You could say the same about Brittany.
USA_Admiral, That’s right it’s time to move on to larger more satisfying vegetables.
walker, Flan. What I meant to say was phlegm.
Blonde, The only post about children that could be better is if you omitted the children and gave out money. I said, pridefully.
Upset Waitress on January 25th, 2008
Lord Likely, heya there =) So you like a big sausage and an ass whooping?
Gypsy, no no. My apologies, I was on a bender hahe.
Sohos, SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSS.
Ribeye of your Dreams on January 25th, 2008
The super pork kabobie looks kind of like a samurai. He has artistic talent that son of yours.
RagingServer.com
Gypsy on January 25th, 2008
Oooh that’s a relief…. I thought you might have stroked out on us or something. Just a bender….thank God…all is normal then.
Blackiswhite, Imperial Agent Provocateur on January 25th, 2008
I saw one of those pimple cars on the road coming home tonight.
Mark on January 26th, 2008
“I was on a bender”
Did you bite his shiny metal ass?
tony on January 26th, 2008
totally, the fact that i had kids means nothing more than i was able to have sex…or i mean, provide so many orgasms that she begged me to stop…sorry uw, i’m prettyyyyyyy drunk…anyway…why no more corsett pics?
Upset Waitress on January 26th, 2008
Ribeye, perhaps we should expect a visit from marco Polo.
Gypsy, haha all is normal. No worries sister!
Blackiswhite, you are so on the wrong post LOL.
Mark, I blew his CPU
Tony, if you’re as good as you say you are, you don’t need anymore corset pics!!! Happy headache!
Mark on January 26th, 2008
I thought my CPU was your one and only…
Upset Waitress on January 26th, 2008
CPU’s are like Lays Potato Chips. You can’t just have one.
Mark on January 27th, 2008
You can have mine over and over. I’ll even spray paint it a different color if you want some variety…