Official Disclaimer.
This site has recently been a source of some mild controversy. (DRAMA!) To wit I have decided to add this informal binding disclaimer which will now appear on the top of the page, or at the bottom, or maybe in a window. Fine print? Who knows it will be somewhere. It will go something like this:
WARNING WARNING WARNING WARNING
This blog is known to the state of California to cause Cancer, anal seepage, cramping, muscle spasm, brain lesions, insomnia, swelling of genitalia, vocal chord paralysis, a profuse bulging of the eyes, sudden graying or loss of hair, unexplained fits of rage, complete confusion, a sharp increase of hormone levels, stroke, heart attack, hives, bronchial constriction, a discoloring of skin and nails, tooth loss, halitosis, dizziness, anemia, loss of appetite, sleep apnea, breast deflation, runny nose, athletes foot, stupidity, partial labotimations, bleeding of the colon and stomach, blurred vision, an increased urge to gamble and use elicit drugs, kidney stones, premature birth, long awaited death, stimulated intelligence followed by complete destruction of all effected tissues, liver spots, hypoglycemia, diabetes, leprosy and more. For a complete list of side effects pull your head from your ass and go fucuk yourself.
You should not use this blog if you have any of the following symptoms, Itching do to bed sores, bed bugs, bed head, herpes, dandruff, mosquito, ant, or Tsi-tsi fly bites, abdominal swelling due to tapeworms, starvation, tumor, or bad chili, or if you have existing breathing disorders such as asthma, puncture wound, or genitalia crammed in your mouth.
You should not drive while using this blog. DRIVE! Do not expose to temperatures below fifty degrees Fahrenhiet or above fifty-one degrees Fahrenhiet. Dispose of properly. Do not incinerate. Contents under Pressure. This blog is not recommended for persons under the age of one hundred, or over the age of conception.
Upset waitress, will not be held liable for any and all mental, emotional, bodily, or property damage sustained due to the use of this site by anyone with the above mentioned conditions, or if you have a pulse, if you don’t have a pulse, if you are any form of flora or fauna, basic element, atom or subatomic fragment, symbol, or other thing on this planet or in the vast reaches of space, Inter-dimensional, existential, made up or real, or Mitt Romney. So sayeth the waitress, goddess of all she surveys, and the rest of it too.
SURGEON GENERAL’ WARNING:
Not tipping may be hazardous to your health.
Qelqoth on January 26th, 2008
Best disclaimer ever.
Reluctant Blogger on January 26th, 2008
Ah, it’s safer than most things in life then.
I always tip.
Axey on January 26th, 2008
I sthere such a thing as a Disclaimer Grammy?
Henry The Guard-Mule on January 26th, 2008
My new saddle came with a longer warning. Ride me with caution! Don’t even THINK about attaching it improperly!
Gypsy on January 26th, 2008
Controvesy??? Are you serious??? No really….are you?
walker on January 26th, 2008
I live in a lubricated Bubble with a built in 8 track player I should be safe.
pajama momma on January 26th, 2008
anal seepage
I hate it when that happens!
Upset Waitress on January 26th, 2008
Qeloth, if you think that’s good, you should hear my acceptance speech for the Blog Grammy. It’ll put George Clooney to shame!
Reluctant Blogger, hi there. Tipping is a prerequisite to be on my blog!
Axey, my Grammy has a disclaimer.
Henry, I have that warning on a poster above my bed.
Gypsy, I would answer that, but I would be afraid of making a controversial statement!
Walker, you should be safe, but who is safe from you? You dirty sex posting blogger, turn me on like a slut!!!
Pajama Momma, then you jsut haven’t learned how to use it properly. And welcome here =)
daisyfae on January 26th, 2008
Halle-fucking-lujah, Sister! Preach your gospel to the legions of victims, the functionally retarded, the lame-assed bastards who wouldn’t know a good choice if it bit ‘em in the ass! But you forgot an important warning - don’t scald yourselves, people, because this happy, drunken blogger is smokin’ hot!
nursemyra on January 26th, 2008
I’m cutting off internet access for our patients. I had no idea you were the cause of so many of their ailments.
the tip is in the post
Gorilla Bananas on January 26th, 2008
My balls are getting bigger.
Blondefabulous on January 26th, 2008
If people are gonna take what we write in our blogs seriously, they should just stick their heads back up their asses and wait on the second coming. God knows I still am!!!
Upset Waitress on January 26th, 2008
Daisy, haha I’m so jacking that!
Nursey, yeap, that’s me. All me baby.
Gorilla, quit reading now.
Blonde, we have missed the second. We were too wrapped up in ourselves.
Woeful on January 26th, 2008
I think that the people causing the drama should just take a big drink of shutthefuckup! If they don’t like it, there are many other blogs to read… So drama queens, I beg of you, stop making my balls ache with your mindnumbing foolishness. I get enough of that @ the Library.
Upset Waitress on January 26th, 2008
Woeful is there something on your mind? =)
Mark on January 26th, 2008
Where’s the drama?
Can I pound the shit out of some fucktards for you??
Upset Waitress on January 26th, 2008
No thank you Mark, have you ever smelled fucktard shit?
pajama momma on January 26th, 2008
No thank you Mark, have you ever smelled fucktard shit?
I’ve stepped in it a couple times, it’s freaking awful!
Upset Waitress on January 26th, 2008
Quit roaming the fucktard fields Momma!
Gypsy on January 26th, 2008
For the love of Pete. I am a middle aged woman and if I can take what you write in the spirit it’s intended then there is something seriously wrong with your protagonist whoever they may be. Get a fucking life whoever you are and leave my Sammy alone.
Upset Waitress on January 26th, 2008
Gypsy, I wuv you
Ex-Restaurant Manager on January 27th, 2008
UW, if people can’t keep their babies out of pickle buckets with a warning plastered on it, even your brilliant warning won’t help.
pajama momma on January 27th, 2008
Quit roaming the fucktard fields Momma!
Oh I wish I could, but I’m addicted to those fields. There’s just something about smacking an unsuspecting fucktard upside the head that gets me hot.
Mark on January 27th, 2008
“No thank you Mark, have you ever smelled fucktard shit?”
Well, let me ask YOU something.
Have you seen the list of compliments in my sidebar? Those are ALL from fucktards of the first magnitude.
manuel on January 27th, 2008
are you looking at me when you say that?
“Not tipping may be hazardous to your health.”
I’m gonna get that tattooed……
she on January 27th, 2008
oh shit too late now my tsi tsi fly bite is worse and my head feels hot.
Upset Waitress on January 27th, 2008
Ex Rm, I can’t save the world.
Parjamma momma, although smacking fucktards are quite appealing, it’s not worth all the shit you go through.
Mark, yes I’ve noticed your well constructed “fucktard” corral.
manuel, tattooed underneath your apron? And who is gonna see it?
she, sounds like menopause