Death on Wheels.
The paraplegic down the street decided to die a few nights ago. My boyfriend is a volunteer EMT and responded within seconds of the call. I guess he pounded on the mans chest and brought him back to life. Anyway, the paraplegic man ended up surviving and was sent home sometime between last night and this morning.
I was awakened by a strange muffled voice, “Hney Ynou Bastard, nit up now. Nit out here”. I opened my door and there sat a curled up little man with a hair lip in a new wave wheel chair. It was the coolest contraption I ever saw. It had a GPS, Am-Fm cassette, Cd, stereo with ten speaker surround sound and I think it even had jet packs. The man was none too happy. I said, “Is there something I can do for you?” He said, “Wheresh ynour hushband?” I went and got my boyfriend and told him what was going on. He went to the door. I heard a lot of banging and clunking from the foyer. I went to see my old man punching the invalid about the head and neck. I knocked my hubby to the floor. “What the fucuk are you thinking!” I yelled. Just then three shots rang out. My old man gave the wheelchair a kick out the door and slammed it shut. “What the hell was that about?” I asked. I was not prepared for the answer. He said, “That was the man I saved and he was pissed at me for saving him. He has been waiting to die for years and when his dream was about to come true, I yanked it away from him.”
Mark on January 31st, 2008
Life’s a bitch and then you get a new wheelchair.
Cowboy up, dickwad.
pajama momma on January 31st, 2008
OMG! Is this a true story? I laughed my ass off with this Hney Ynou Bastard, nit up now. Nit out here”. oh my stomach hurt I was laughing so hard.
Blackiswhite, Imperial Agent Provocateur on January 31st, 2008
Let him commit suicide by cop like all the other nutjobs do. Shheessh.
Vanessa on January 31st, 2008
I guess we all have our dreams, right?
daisyfae on January 31st, 2008
i don’t know how you do it… you are truly gifted in your ability to write phonetically and capture the nuances of such challenging speech patterns… sheer genius!
Woeful on January 31st, 2008
That’s fucked up!
pajama momma on January 31st, 2008
Gosh dang you! I’m still laughing at this:Hney Ynou Bastard, nit up now. Nit out here
Buffalo on January 31st, 2008
Every one know that no good deed goes unpunished.
Gypsy on February 1st, 2008
Three shots rang out? Did someone get shot? I’m confused….is wheelchair guy still alive or what?
nursemyra on February 1st, 2008
hey I used to do personal care for a paraplegic in his own home. he had a really groovy wheelchair.
there’s this thing called a urodome that most paraplegics wear to manage their urinary output. it’s a bit like a condom and i remember the first time I tried to put it on the guy i was having difficulty. he said “it’s easier if you get me a bit hard first”
so I took my t-shirt off and did the procedure in my bra. it worked. true story.
Qelqoth on February 1st, 2008
This reminded me of that episode of South Park:
Stan: Jesus, is it okay to kill somebody if they ask you to because they’re in a lot of pain? You know, like assisted suicide. Is that okay?
Jesus: My son…
Stan: Yes?
Jesus: I’m not touching that with a sixty foot pole.
LBB on February 1st, 2008
They make wheelchairs with jet-packs? Man, those paraplegics have all the luck.
Upset Waitress on February 1st, 2008
Mark, wonder if it feels the same way when you get a new car?
Pajomma, quit making fun of the tards
Blackiswhite, Yea, headlines “cops beat and kill retard in chair”.
Vanessa, welcome. Martin Luter Kind had a dream too. See where it got him?
Daisy, Shank yoos barwy mush!
Woeful, not as fucked up as this.
Pajamma, sounds like someone needs to step in a rat trap in order to quit laughing?
Buffalo, it’s 80 degrees here.
Gypsy, wheel chair guy had the gun and was trying to shoot my boyfriend.
Nursey, any excuse to take off your shirt you kinky bitch
Qeloth, screw you guys, I’m going home!
moooooog35 on February 1st, 2008
Next time, just put a banana in his tailpipe.
Blondefabulous on February 1st, 2008
OK, I’m not even retarded, but with the bitchin’ cold I have right now, I sound like that! Remember,it isn’t just retards that sound like that, us homeless, sicko’s sound like that too! Bitch! (
Native Minnow on February 1st, 2008
Afraid to say anything.
moi on February 1st, 2008
I don’t what’s more hysterical. Your story or the comments in response.
Life’s a bitch and then you get a new wheelchair.
Cowboy up, dickwad.
That’ll spew something through the nostrils, for sure.
Restaurant Gal on February 1st, 2008
Sounds like it’s time for that guy to enjoy a nice meal prepared by your cook. That’ll do him in, right?
Jenny on February 2nd, 2008
You know you’re going straight to hell right?
I thought so.
Axey on February 2nd, 2008
Simon who???
Upset Waitress on February 2nd, 2008
LBB, They even make toilets with jet packs. there’s just no demand for them.
moooog, he ain’t gonna fall for no banana in his tail pipe.
Blonde, fine, one of these days I’ll dedicate a post to you homeless sickos. Cunt.
Minnow, so you’re a Democrat?
moi, ooohhh maybe I should put a poll on my sidebar?
RG, and I thought I was merciless.
Jenny, Heyyyyyy! Hey where the “hell” have you been sis. I mean c’mon. Are you still training or what?
Axey, who’s blog are you really looking at?
Folly on February 2nd, 2008
Oh, I can see the lawsuit coming now.
Eccles on September 2nd, 2008
That’s something I worry about. I should have DNR(Do Not Resuscitate) tatooed on my forehead, but then when I do decide to go I’d probably get a bloody illiterate medic or ambo the same as this poor bugger! There really is a lot of planning needed for a successful suicide. If you’re serious you won’t want some bastard finding you before it’s too late.
I mean, you need to be sure you really want to die.