Fat Teusday Sat On Me.
It was a whirlwind of confetti and black face, beads and booze, floats and goats. That’s right I said goats. There was one goat in particular that insisted on making me his friend. He followed me everywhere I went. I tried to shoo him away to no avail. I tried absolutely everything I could think of. Fire crackers, an air horn, banging garbage can lids, mace, garlic, a tiki torch. I even threw bricks. The bastard ate it all. Well, I found that to be amusing. Then I started feeding him everything I could find. However, when I fed him a steel belted radial car tire and a bottle of tequilla his enthusiasm began to dwindle. I thought to myself, he can’t last much longer. Unfortunately neither could I. I sat on the curb and watched the last of the parade pass by with my arm around my new found friend. I decided to name him Tuesday. His stomach was bloated and his eyes were bulging from all the crap I fed him and the liquor he drank. I laid back to look at the rising moon. It was huge and full of pimples. I cried out to some stanger, “Dude, pull your pants up”. That’s when Tuesday couldn’t stand any longer. With a drunken baa and a belch, the goat’s knees buckled and down he came. His fat butt landed right on my face. I couldn’t breath. I tried to push him off. Just then a police officer came to my rescue. So I thought. “Ma’am” he said. “You are under arrest” “For what?” I exclaimed. He replied, “It is unlawful to give oral sex to a goat in a public place. You will have to do that in the club on the corner, It’s the only place in town that this kind of behavior is aloud. Plus, your goat has no led tail lights” “I’m not!” I shreeked. “Yeah, yeah, tell to the judge.”
The kicker is, I went to jail, but the goat just got a ticket. Which he ate. Does anyone have money to throw for my bail?
moooooog35 on February 8th, 2008
Thanks for the blow job.
Love,
Tuesday
Gorilla Bananas on February 8th, 2008
You should have got engaged first.
Tony on February 8th, 2008
What kind of demented world is this when public oral goat sex is illegal?? You know, when goats are made criminal, only criminals will have goats…
BDS on February 8th, 2008
I don’t believe this for a second - mainly because I don’t think that kind of thing is illegal in New Orleans. Ha. Then again, it is a family place. Here’s to making bail.
Jenny on February 8th, 2008
you’re still drunk, aren’t you?
Native Minnow on February 8th, 2008
You know, you could have gotten other volunteers besides the goat.
moi on February 8th, 2008
I love Nawlins. I love to drink. And I most especially love a party gone out of bounds. Even so, Mardi Gras scares the sweet beejeebus out of Moi. Good luck with that bail. Where’s The Boyfriend in all this? Outside flashing ya?
Blackiswhite, Imperial Agent Provocateur on February 8th, 2008
Some love stories are touching, and others…well, now I feel all dirty and stuff. I’m gonna go get a shower now.
Ali on February 8th, 2008
Sorry, man. I’m all tapped out. I got mugged by gypsies last night.
Best of luck in jail. I’m sure you’ll make all kinds of new friends
Troll on February 8th, 2008
I always knew UW would have her 15 seconds-of-fame. Don’t make them blur-your-face when they air this on “COPS”.
SoHoS on February 8th, 2008
I’m reading this form my jail cell…
Woeful on February 8th, 2008
A goat named Tuesday, and a waitress named Upset… Sounds like a new sitcom!
Vanessa on February 8th, 2008
Will there be a chapter two?
daisyfae on February 8th, 2008
just be glad you weren’t in california. they’d have sent you both to couseling to work out your disagreements…
walker on February 8th, 2008
That’ll teach you for over stewing your meat in a public place
Blondefabulous on February 8th, 2008
DA-YUM! I thought everything was legal in Nawlins! Last time I was there was in college and I was in the UF Marching Band there for a Sugar Bowl. (this one time,…at band camp…..) I even got my first marriage proposal there. Some how I think you faired better! At least there was sex!!!
conundrum on February 8th, 2008
I love the special way that Teusday the goat spells his name. It is so exotic…in that Nawlins kind of way.
nursemyra on February 8th, 2008
let me be the first to contribute a dollar for bail
Upset Waitress on February 8th, 2008
Moooooog, I blow better than Katrina.
Gorilla, I would but the goat ate the engagement ring.
Tony, The kind of world where an idiot that was put through school by terrorists becomes president.
Bds, That’s right the whole family can get drunk and laid together.
Jenny, When am I not?
Minnow, There was many volunteers, but none of them were hung like a goat.
Moi, I would imagine the buzzards are picking his flattened carcass in the Mc Donalds parking lot.
Blackiswhite, I hope it’s golden, otherwise it’s not worth it.
Ali, Always up for new friends, but I wanted to be in with Martha Stuart, so I could learn how to make a shiv out of belly button lint.
Troll, My face will blurred, but it always gets blurry when I get shnockered.
SoHoS, Is Martha there?
Woeful, I just need a catchy theme song.
Vanessa, No chapter two, I’m skipping strait to chapter six it’s more interesting.
Daisy, That would be better, because the goat has issues.
Walker, You can never over stew your meat.
Blonde, What? There’s no sex in band camp? I’m giving up the bagpipes.
Nursemyra, If you can spare two, I’ll send jailer for some beer.
Mark on February 9th, 2008
Does anyone have money to throw for my bail?
What do I get in return??
;o)>
Buffalo on February 9th, 2008
Is it not within the realm of possibility that it was not a goat? Is it not possible a mischievous miscreant put something in your drink that caused your eyesight to be something less than it customary hawk-like keenness?
Further, is it also possible it was Pan with whom you were having social intercourse? Are you positive it wasn’t Pan’s flute on which you were trying to play a tune?
Arresting a musician as she plays a solo on Pan’s flute, especially during Mardi Gras is a gross miscarriage of justice.
On the other hand, if Pan complained about the quality of the performance being played on his flute he would have been well within his rights to complain to the constabulary and they within their rights to arrest you for fluting proper expertise.
After all, it’s Mardi Gras.
Gypsy on February 9th, 2008
Whatever you’re smoking, send me some and I’ll repay in kind by sending you 5 bucks towards your bail.
nursemyra on February 9th, 2008
two? hell if gypsy can donate $5 then so can I.
manuel on February 9th, 2008
classic……..don’t understand it…..but classic all the same…