Winter Wieners.
Today we got our food delivered. Everything seemed to be in order. Except, the hot dogs were smaller than normal. I called and asked our provider why they sent us different frankenfurters. The sales rep. assured me that I had been sent the same hot dogs that I always receive. I looked again at the shipment of meat. All of the hot dogs were clearly smaller. I called back and complained again. The provider, clearly aggravated, directed me to the warehouse. When the dock master started yelling at me for bothering him I hung up. Then I decided to call the company direct. After several hours on hold, a top executive wash room attendant answered the phone. “What can I help you with today?”, he asked. I explained that our wieners were smaller than usual. He said, “Of course they are.” I asked, “What the hell does that mean?” He replied, “It’s January. All wieners shrink when they get cold.” I hung up the phone, slightly confused. When my boss asked if I had spoken to anyone about the wieners. I answered, “Yes. I spoke with a wiener expert.”
And how can I talk about wieners without throwing a link to furniture stores in here.
daisyfae on February 19th, 2008
what about the potatos? they shrink up like raisins too?
Restaurant Gal on February 19th, 2008
Ah, yet another excellent way to explain retail shrinkage. Brilliant!
Mark on February 19th, 2008
It’s February, dear…
Woeful on February 19th, 2008
Obviously the man with whom you conversed was well versed in “shrinkage.”
Blackiswhite, Imperial AgentProvocateur on February 19th, 2008
When I worked retail, we had a poster in the break room listing causes of shrink. Someone wrote in as number five : Cold Water.
The cashiers didn’t get it.
Blondefabulous on February 20th, 2008
Call back and ask if they will insulate your weiner cases next time to assure that it doesn’t happen again! If not, threaten to go over there and kick them in their 6in and sack o’nutz!
USA_Admiral on February 20th, 2008
I though all guys were experts on shrinkage?
BDS on February 20th, 2008
I was waiting for somebody you talked to throw something like that out there. Ha. It’s true - you can’t fight nature and heredity and all the other cards stacked against weiners in the winter.
Buffalo on February 20th, 2008
Weiner shrinkage is a seasonal disaster in the frozen northlands. Contributes to back problems.
moi on February 20th, 2008
Fudkin’ hell. I missed your Lindsay post yesterday. But this one will do. I guess it all boils down to whether or not the customers notice, right? “Hey waiter! I ordered a hot dog. Not a cocktail wienie!”
Jenny on February 20th, 2008
My tofu hotdogs never change in size.
just sayin’
havingmycake on February 20th, 2008
Sounds like you got chipolatas rather than sausages…
Ali on February 20th, 2008
So, once you got the wieners warmed up and cooked, was the problem resolved?
Reluctant Blogger on February 20th, 2008
they’ll probably be powdered next time and you will have to reconstitute them at home in some way.
Not one for sausages myself - big or small!
catscratch diva on February 20th, 2008
Oh no he didn’t say that… what a little dick.
walker on February 20th, 2008
Tell them the next time you want the weiners warmed up before they are shipped
manuel on February 20th, 2008
happens to penises too…..
Upset Waitress on February 20th, 2008
Oh lookie at all these wonderful comments. I’m gonna handle this with one big fat response too. I read all of your lovely words, and I must say, I got nothing. Actually that’s not true, I’m off to the bar. I got 30 mins of happy hour. Be back at ya soon enough
Gorilla Bananas on February 20th, 2008
If they shrink, it must mean you get more meat per cc. So they taste meatier.
emmak on February 20th, 2008
I hope you told him you were happy to accept the mini wieners as long as he chopped a third off the price?
kyknoord on February 21st, 2008
Maybe if you rubbed them a bit…?
axey on February 21st, 2008
Honey, I’m home!
Heff on February 21st, 2008
Continue the protest if need be. No one likes a small weiner.
she on February 21st, 2008
im amazed there is a restaurant that serves frankenfurters where you can get a smart aleck waitress *server* to attend to your weiner needs. as to the photo below…what was the objective? to turn a girl of what? 23? into a forty year old burnout. gak.
jahooni on February 21st, 2008
wieners as in the meat that you eat and swallow. wait. hold on. let me get a glass of wine
jahooni on February 21st, 2008
GB posted comments for us and a new post. hurry.
upset waitress on February 21st, 2008
Daisy, It’s actually the sack that shrinks not the taters.
Restaurant Gal, I don’t believe in shrinkage. It’s either small or not.
Mark, Maybe on your calender.
Woeful, Either that, or he’s a wiener expert.
Blackiswhite, That’s why they are cashiers.
Blondefabulous, So, what you are saying is you should always wrap your wieners.
Admiral, Not my old man.
BDS, You should never stack anything against your wiener.
Buffalo, Yet another reason for living in a warm climate.
Moi, I don’t care about the customers. Screw them.
Jenny, EEWW!
Havingmycake, I’m not sure what those are, or even if I want to.
Ali, No. No matter how much I talked dirty to them they never warmed up enough to make a difference.
Reluctant, I don’t think they can be reconstituted. They will probably have to be amended.
Catscratch, He was actually quite helpful, no matter the size of his penis.
Walker, At least have them put them in a muff.
Manuel, That is just what you men say.
Gorilla, No matter the meat per cc ratio they still taste like wieners.
Emmak, He said he wouldn’t dare chop anything off his wieners.
Kyknoord, I would but I don’t want to rub them the wrong way.
Axey, Don’t put honey on your wieners. It attracts ants.
Heff, I agree. I have no use for a small wiener.
She, I was going to open up a wiener servicing facility.
Jahooni, How much wine do you need to drink before you will put a wiener in your mouth?
Folly on February 21st, 2008
What a load of crap. We own a pub and if our vendor pulled that, we’d be throwing the weiners back at him. If we served weiners. Which we don’t.
JLee on February 22nd, 2008
I don’t know, when I hear the word “wiener” I just laugh.