Today we got our food delivered. Everything seemed to be in order. Except, the hot dogs were smaller than normal. I called and asked our provider why they sent us different frankenfurters. The sales rep. assured me that I had been sent the same hot dogs that I always receive. I looked again at the shipment of meat. All of the hot dogs were clearly smaller. I called back and complained again. The provider, clearly aggravated, directed me to the warehouse. When the dock master started yelling at me for bothering him I hung up. Then I decided to call the company direct. After several hours on hold, a top executive wash room attendant answered the phone. “What can I help you with today?”, he asked. I explained that our wieners were smaller than usual. He said, “Of course they are.” I asked, “What the hell does that mean?” He replied, “It’s January. All wieners shrink when they get cold.” I hung up the phone, slightly confused. When my boss asked if I had spoken to anyone about the wieners. I answered, “Yes. I spoke with a wiener expert.”
29 Responses to ' Winter Wieners. '
Leave a reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
on February 19th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
what about the potatos? they shrink up like raisins too?
on February 19th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
Ah, yet another excellent way to explain retail shrinkage. Brilliant!
on February 19th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
It’s February, dear…
on February 19th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
Obviously the man with whom you conversed was well versed in “shrinkage.”
on February 19th, 2008 at 10:39 pm
When I worked retail, we had a poster in the break room listing causes of shrink. Someone wrote in as number five : Cold Water.
The cashiers didn’t get it.
on February 20th, 2008 at 7:09 am
Call back and ask if they will insulate your weiner cases next time to assure that it doesn’t happen again! If not, threaten to go over there and kick them in their 6in and sack o’nutz!
on February 20th, 2008 at 7:18 am
I though all guys were experts on shrinkage?
on February 20th, 2008 at 9:27 am
I was waiting for somebody you talked to throw something like that out there. Ha. It’s true – you can’t fight nature and heredity and all the other cards stacked against weiners in the winter.
on February 20th, 2008 at 10:22 am
Weiner shrinkage is a seasonal disaster in the frozen northlands. Contributes to back problems.
on February 20th, 2008 at 10:23 am
Fudkin’ hell. I missed your Lindsay post yesterday. But this one will do. I guess it all boils down to whether or not the customers notice, right? “Hey waiter! I ordered a hot dog. Not a cocktail wienie!”
on February 20th, 2008 at 10:28 am
My tofu hotdogs never change in size.
just sayin’
on February 20th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
Sounds like you got chipolatas rather than sausages…
on February 20th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
So, once you got the wieners warmed up and cooked, was the problem resolved?
on February 20th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
they’ll probably be powdered next time and you will have to reconstitute them at home in some way.
Not one for sausages myself – big or small!
on February 20th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Oh no he didn’t say that… what a little dick.
on February 20th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Tell them the next time you want the weiners warmed up before they are shipped
on February 20th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
happens to penises too…..
on February 20th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Oh lookie at all these wonderful comments. I’m gonna handle this with one big fat response too. I read all of your lovely words, and I must say, I got nothing. Actually that’s not true, I’m off to the bar. I got 30 mins of happy hour. Be back at ya soon enough
on February 20th, 2008 at 6:38 pm
If they shrink, it must mean you get more meat per cc. So they taste meatier.
on February 20th, 2008 at 8:43 pm
I hope you told him you were happy to accept the mini wieners as long as he chopped a third off the price?
on February 21st, 2008 at 2:09 am
Maybe if you rubbed them a bit…?
on February 21st, 2008 at 5:59 am
Honey, I’m home!
on February 21st, 2008 at 9:49 am
Continue the protest if need be. No one likes a small weiner.
on February 21st, 2008 at 6:04 pm
im amazed there is a restaurant that serves frankenfurters where you can get a smart aleck waitress *server* to attend to your weiner needs. as to the photo below…what was the objective? to turn a girl of what? 23? into a forty year old burnout. gak.
on February 21st, 2008 at 6:19 pm
wieners as in the meat that you eat and swallow. wait. hold on. let me get a glass of wine
on February 21st, 2008 at 6:59 pm
GB posted comments for us and a new post. hurry.
on February 21st, 2008 at 8:48 pm
Daisy, It’s actually the sack that shrinks not the taters.
Restaurant Gal, I don’t believe in shrinkage. It’s either small or not.
Mark, Maybe on your calender.
Woeful, Either that, or he’s a wiener expert.
Blackiswhite, That’s why they are cashiers.
Blondefabulous, So, what you are saying is you should always wrap your wieners.
Admiral, Not my old man.
BDS, You should never stack anything against your wiener.
Buffalo, Yet another reason for living in a warm climate.
Moi, I don’t care about the customers. Screw them.
Jenny, EEWW!
Havingmycake, I’m not sure what those are, or even if I want to.
Ali, No. No matter how much I talked dirty to them they never warmed up enough to make a difference.
Reluctant, I don’t think they can be reconstituted. They will probably have to be amended.
Catscratch, He was actually quite helpful, no matter the size of his penis.
Walker, At least have them put them in a muff.
Manuel, That is just what you men say.
Gorilla, No matter the meat per cc ratio they still taste like wieners.
Emmak, He said he wouldn’t dare chop anything off his wieners.
Kyknoord, I would but I don’t want to rub them the wrong way.
Axey, Don’t put honey on your wieners. It attracts ants.
Heff, I agree. I have no use for a small wiener.
She, I was going to open up a wiener servicing facility.
Jahooni, How much wine do you need to drink before you will put a wiener in your mouth?
on February 21st, 2008 at 9:39 pm
What a load of crap. We own a pub and if our vendor pulled that, we’d be throwing the weiners back at him. If we served weiners. Which we don’t.
on February 22nd, 2008 at 9:40 am
I don’t know, when I hear the word “wiener” I just laugh.