What can I say about fish besides they smell like a girls locker room? Well the life of a fish sucks. They lay tons of eggs which are usually eaten. And the ones that aren’t caviar on a Ritz cracker turn into baby fish. As the baby fish grow up, they are eaten too. And if they aren’t, they turn into a man eating shark. But not my fish.
Now let me tell you about my fishy. He lives in this little petri dish. Did I mention he is perfectly happy without a lot water? He likes to do tricks too. He will flop off of his rocks into the air. He does back flips, talks like Mr. Ed, and can even play Flounder. His favorite game is Marco Polo. He once tried to play regular polo but it took forever to get the horses in and out of his bowl. He plays many other games as well. He plays cards like a pro. Although he is proficient at poker and black jack, Go Fish is his favorite. He is an avid S.C.U.B.A. diver too.
I am amazed at all my fishy had accomplished. So I got to thinking. Fish don’t live that long. I will not bury or flush him when he goes belly up. He will get the best funeral a fish can have. He will be deep fat fried, placed on a bed of rice, garnished with a lemon wedge, and served with an expensive bottle of white wine.
on February 22nd, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Serve beer battered with fries and a side of slaw…
on February 22nd, 2008 at 3:30 pm
Cute fish!
on February 22nd, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Woeful, I like my menu idea a bit better. Saves my ass from growing and all.
Vanessa, I told my fish that you are in love with him. He’s blushing.
on February 22nd, 2008 at 4:07 pm
no one’s ass will get THAT big on one tiny Goldfish.
Batter friend, all the way.
on February 22nd, 2008 at 4:13 pm
i have same kind of fish. my daughter named it Pearl. Cat ate that one. Now we have same color fish and she named this one Pearl II, but we found out it isn’t a girl fish. It’s a boy so now it’s Pearlman. One confused fish.
on February 22nd, 2008 at 4:15 pm
He’s cute.
I had an oscar fish that would jump out of the tank if you didn’t feed him fast enough.
on February 22nd, 2008 at 4:26 pm
Jenny, no no, when he lays to rest, he will be on a bed of rice or lettuce. Girl, he’s no goldfish piece of carp. He’s of exotic decent! All teh way from China.
Jahooni, awwww poor fish. I hope you punished that cat by sticking him in the bath tub for a few days.
Diva, Oh I’ve had them. They all flop out. Came home from school to one dead on the floor. Brother picked him up by the tail and chucked him in the woods.
on February 22nd, 2008 at 4:29 pm
My guess would be that this fish wouldn’t taste very good. Although, it looks small enough that you could just wash it down with the wine without being subjected to its taste.
on February 22nd, 2008 at 4:52 pm
Dang! What can I say about you other than, for an ate up gal, you surely are entertaining.
on February 22nd, 2008 at 5:15 pm
How about being a mermaid and having your tail chased by a trout for a change? Fish have pretty sexy mouths.
on February 22nd, 2008 at 5:18 pm
This post made perfect sense to Moi because I have a very difficult time looking at animals and NOT envisioning them deep fried and laid atop a bed of rice. Except dogs. We do not eat our canine good buddies.
on February 22nd, 2008 at 5:20 pm
even an exotic goldfish is related to carp. and while this assures those big, sexy angelina jolie lips, it also means they are bony like a supermodel, and also like a supermodel, not good eatin’…
and are those leftover biscuits in the petri dish? my eyesight isn’t so good after happy hour…
on February 22nd, 2008 at 5:37 pm
Minnow, you’re prolly right. He’s better off as an anchovy.
Buffalo, ate up? Hey I resemble that remark!
Gorilla, being the smart ape you are, other than eating them, have you seen what them Asians really been doing with squid these days?
moi, I totally agree about the dogs. Well, actually, it would really depend if I consider it to be an actual dog though.
daisy, that ain’t no stinking exotic goldfish from the carnival. Jeeese, it’s one of them Chinese fishies with wings and stuff. It makes these bubble nests. It gets pissed off at itself and turns colors and gets all fluffy. Not biscuits. Those are rocks. Not crack rocks either.
on February 22nd, 2008 at 7:16 pm
Is this one of those stories they tell kids at Sunday School during Lent?
I never went to Sunday School, that’s why I’m asking.
Everytime I tried to go they yelled, “go home heathen!”.
My Mom told me heathen was the Latin word for “super cool dude”.
Church people are nice.
on February 22nd, 2008 at 8:54 pm
Nice ode to a fish. Cute little guy, that fish.
on February 22nd, 2008 at 9:19 pm
My cat loved my fish so much that he ate them all and I didn’t realize it until I went to change the filters and saw no fish.
on February 22nd, 2008 at 9:56 pm
It’s no longer necessary to put the little periods in S.C.U.B.A. You can simply type Scuba now. The M.L.A. has decided that nobody but you and I even know that it was once an acronym for Self-Contained-Underwater-Buttpirate-Apparatus.
on February 23rd, 2008 at 5:42 am
Every fish I have ever had has ended up bloated and floating on top of the water inside of a week. I don’t know what happens but let’s just say I don’t have “orange fingers” and leave it at that. It’s kind of ironic that I’m a Pisces
on February 23rd, 2008 at 8:00 am
Hey, UW, are you for the scuba??
on February 23rd, 2008 at 9:31 am
your fish changes colors and has wings? i wouldn’t fry it up when it dies – i’d throw it off the roof. Cool….