A Fish Story.
What can I say about fish besides they smell like a girls locker room? Well the life of a fish sucks. They lay tons of eggs which are usually eaten. And the ones that aren’t caviar on a Ritz cracker turn into baby fish. As the baby fish grow up, they are eaten too. And if they aren’t, they turn into a man eating shark. But not my fish.
Now let me tell you about my fishy. He lives in this little petri dish. Did I mention he is perfectly happy without a lot water? He likes to do tricks too. He will flop off of his rocks into the air. He does back flips, talks like Mr. Ed, and can even play Flounder. His favorite game is Marco Polo. He once tried to play regular polo but it took forever to get the horses in and out of his bowl. He plays many other games as well. He plays cards like a pro. Although he is proficient at poker and black jack, Go Fish is his favorite. He is an avid S.C.U.B.A. diver too.
I am amazed at all my fishy had accomplished. So I got to thinking. Fish don’t live that long. I will not bury or flush him when he goes belly up. He will get the best funeral a fish can have. He will be deep fat fried, placed on a bed of rice, garnished with Duralee fabrics, a lemon wedge, and served with an expensive bottle of white wine.
Woeful on February 22nd, 2008
Serve beer battered with fries and a side of slaw…
Vanessa on February 22nd, 2008
Cute fish!
Upset Waitress on February 22nd, 2008
Woeful, I like my menu idea a bit better. Saves my ass from growing and all.
Vanessa, I told my fish that you are in love with him. He’s blushing.
Jenny on February 22nd, 2008
no one’s ass will get THAT big on one tiny Goldfish.
Batter friend, all the way.
jahooni on February 22nd, 2008
i have same kind of fish. my daughter named it Pearl. Cat ate that one. Now we have same color fish and she named this one Pearl II, but we found out it isn’t a girl fish. It’s a boy so now it’s Pearlman. One confused fish.
catscratch diva on February 22nd, 2008
He’s cute.
I had an oscar fish that would jump out of the tank if you didn’t feed him fast enough.
Upset Waitress on February 22nd, 2008
Jenny, no no, when he lays to rest, he will be on a bed of rice or lettuce. Girl, he’s no goldfish piece of carp. He’s of exotic decent! All teh way from China.
Jahooni, awwww poor fish. I hope you punished that cat by sticking him in the bath tub for a few days.
Diva, Oh I’ve had them. They all flop out. Came home from school to one dead on the floor. Brother picked him up by the tail and chucked him in the woods.
Native Minnow on February 22nd, 2008
My guess would be that this fish wouldn’t taste very good. Although, it looks small enough that you could just wash it down with the wine without being subjected to its taste.
Buffalo on February 22nd, 2008
Dang! What can I say about you other than, for an ate up gal, you surely are entertaining.
Gorilla Bananas on February 22nd, 2008
How about being a mermaid and having your tail chased by a trout for a change? Fish have pretty sexy mouths.
moi on February 22nd, 2008
This post made perfect sense to Moi because I have a very difficult time looking at animals and NOT envisioning them deep fried and laid atop a bed of rice. Except dogs. We do not eat our canine good buddies.
daisyfae on February 22nd, 2008
even an exotic goldfish is related to carp. and while this assures those big, sexy angelina jolie lips, it also means they are bony like a supermodel, and also like a supermodel, not good eatin’…
and are those leftover biscuits in the petri dish? my eyesight isn’t so good after happy hour…
Upset Waitress on February 22nd, 2008
Minnow, you’re prolly right. He’s better off as an anchovy.
Buffalo, ate up? Hey I resemble that remark!
Gorilla, being the smart ape you are, other than eating them, have you seen what them Asians really been doing with squid these days?
moi, I totally agree about the dogs. Well, actually, it would really depend if I consider it to be an actual dog though.
daisy, that ain’t no stinking exotic goldfish from the carnival. Jeeese, it’s one of them Chinese fishies with wings and stuff. It makes these bubble nests. It gets pissed off at itself and turns colors and gets all fluffy. Not biscuits. Those are rocks. Not crack rocks either.
Mr. DNA on February 22nd, 2008
Is this one of those stories they tell kids at Sunday School during Lent?
I never went to Sunday School, that’s why I’m asking.
Everytime I tried to go they yelled, “go home heathen!”.
My Mom told me heathen was the Latin word for “super cool dude”.
Church people are nice.
LBB on February 22nd, 2008
Nice ode to a fish. Cute little guy, that fish.
becky on February 22nd, 2008
My cat loved my fish so much that he ate them all and I didn’t realize it until I went to change the filters and saw no fish.
Troll on February 22nd, 2008
It’s no longer necessary to put the little periods in S.C.U.B.A. You can simply type Scuba now. The M.L.A. has decided that nobody but you and I even know that it was once an acronym for Self-Contained-Underwater-Buttpirate-Apparatus.
Gypsy on February 23rd, 2008
Every fish I have ever had has ended up bloated and floating on top of the water inside of a week. I don’t know what happens but let’s just say I don’t have “orange fingers” and leave it at that. It’s kind of ironic that I’m a Pisces
Mark on February 23rd, 2008
Hey, UW, are you for the scuba??
daisyfae on February 23rd, 2008
your fish changes colors and has wings? i wouldn’t fry it up when it dies - i’d throw it off the roof. Cool….