Nothing To Eat.
The doctor said my cholesterol was way off the scale. He told me to eat low fat, cholesterol free foods. So, I went shopping for agold bangle and food. Everything that fit in that category was twice as expensive as the food I normally buy. I bought egg whites, fat free chips, skim milk, crackers, rice cakes, and oatmeal. I HATE OATMEAL! Then there was the light mayonnaise. In addition to the salt free diet I was already on, I now have to eliminate more things from my diet because of the cholesterol. I can’t eat burgers, or ham, shell fish, or frogs, dark meat of the chicken, tuna from a can, Escargot or lemmings. I was so looking forward to the spring lemming run. I usually sit at the bottom of a fair sized cliff, fire up the Hibachi and gorge myself. Of course, this means I will have to refrain from eating the tender succulent, sweet, salty, blubber of the well bludgeoned baby seals in the upcoming hunt. Everything I have got to eat now, is tasteless. If it does manage to have a flavor, I immediately have to lick the sick cat’s ass just to get rid of the nasty after taste.
ali on February 23rd, 2008
And here, I was just about to e-mail you my recipe for marinated deep-fried lemming. I guess the escargot potato salad recipe’s out too. Dangit!
On the bright side… ah, hell, I can’t think of one. Oh, I know - on the bright side, think of all that money you’ll save on kitty toilet paper.
Blackiswhite, Imperial AgentProvocateur on February 23rd, 2008
Yeah, we’ll I started Blood sugar meds, darlin’. Care to trade?
Folly on February 23rd, 2008
Don’t they have drugs for that? My spouse has high cholesterol. He doesn’t take drugs or watch what he eats. He figures he’s gotta die of something.
Troll on February 23rd, 2008
I had trouble following this post due to the numerous missing words.
walker on February 24th, 2008
Maybe if you made a Lemming stirfry with veggies sauteed with a little Lipitor.
Gorilla Bananas on February 24th, 2008
Run that by me again? You do what to the sick cat’s ass? I’m surprised you didn’t get advice to eat high-in-omega-3 fish, like salmon and trout.
nursemyra on February 24th, 2008
I thought it was more a case of cutting out fat rather than cholesterol per se.
some cholesterol is good, cut out the fatty fried stuff and enjoy the occasional egg, a glass of red and a square of very dark chocolate.
and hey, I’ve heard lots of sex can lower your cholesterol too!
Mark on February 24th, 2008
I immediately have to (lick) the sick cat’s ass just to get (rid) of the nasty after taste.
Man, that’s better than my all-time favorite:
I’m so hungry I could eat the asshole out of a dead skunk!
Woeful on February 24th, 2008
It’s a sad twist of fate that everything good for us tastes like ass.
robert bourne on February 24th, 2008
can the health stuff..most of it’s a rip off anyway..go down swinging make Jack Daniels burgers and the grill….:)))))))))))))))))))))0
Luka on February 24th, 2008
This cat’s arse licking thing - does that make it a Lol(ly) Cat?
Jenny on February 24th, 2008
there, there, I understand. Did your Doctor also mention getting out the alcohol?
Buffalo on February 24th, 2008
Remind me to tell you about lowering my cholestral by taking niacin.
moi on February 24th, 2008
What I’d like to know is, how come our freakin’ ancestors could eat all the whale blubber and buffalo liver they could spear and no one shook fingers over their cholesterol, huh? And what about the French? I want answers.
daisyfae on February 24th, 2008
bummer on the diet restrictions… there’s always cardboard with white paste, i suppose.
low fat and tasty? brad pitt? johnny depp?
Folly on February 24th, 2008
Moi: ‘Cause our ancestors only lived to 30.
Blondefabulous on February 24th, 2008
You want the recipe for the Yule Log? Oh wait….. that was gluten free, not cholesterol free. Sorry hun!
Mark on February 24th, 2008
“And what about the French?”
Sex. And lots of it.
Upset Waitress on February 24th, 2008
Ali, You sure know how to make my mouth water. If you give me your address I’ll send you the leftover manatee fillets in my freezer.
Blackiswhite, MMMMMMMM SUGAR.
Folly, Yes they have drugs for that, but they don’t mix well with the recreational ones that I like.
Troll, I’m sorry. I left those words out so that no one’s head would get full. I have since put them back.
Walker, Maybe, but cat still makes the best stir fry.
Gorilla, So, I shouldn’t lick the cat’s ass, but a bass ass.
Nursemyra, My old man keeps saying that. I thought he was just trying to get laid more than once a year.
Mark, I bet your good at word puzzles. What I wouldn’t give to be able to eat a dead skunks asshole with a side of maggot toes.
Woeful, Rest assured ass tastes better.
Robert, Bourbon burgers just aren’t the same since I gave up the deep fried pickles.
Luka, No, It,s a pussy pop.
Jenny, He might have, but it’s hard to hear through the bottle, and I couldn’t read his lips though the colored glass.
Buffalo, O.K. if you will remind me to remind you. Damn it now I forgot what we were talking about.
Moi, Because they didn’t have Pharmaceutical companies.
Daisy, That sounds like a stick to your ribs kind of meal.
Blondefabulous, I made one of those two days after Christmas. I had to call the plummer and have my toilet replaced.
catscratch diva on February 25th, 2008
Eating healthy sucks. It’s a must, but it still sucks.
That’s a cute lil bangle.
Upset Waitress on February 25th, 2008
“Eating healthy sucks”
Diva, That should be the new bible.