Most waitresses are fit. From the waist down. Our tummies are a different story. We tend to make a meal out of every dish before it is sent to the table. Once our shift is over we meet up at the bar for happy hour. So our tummies are a bit jiggly from French fries and beer. Anyway, I decided it was time to do something about it so I joined a gym. Finding the right gym was very difficult for me.
The first one I looked into had too many young people with perfect bodies standing around chit-chatting. Plus, the building was all glass. I didn’t want everyone driving by on the highway to see my beautifully rounded muffin top as I sweat to death. I also wasn’t going to deal with the whispers and snickering in the shower room. This gym wasn’t for people to get in shape. It was for people who are in shape to stay toned and fit, and to gossip.
The second one I checked into was more like joining the Navy. They wanted me to eat meals in their cafeteria. The meals were reconstituted powdered vegetables and boiled meat. They also wanted me to do my work-outs on their strict schedule 3 times a day. These workouts consisted of a drill instructor yelling insults at the top of his lungs, and barking orders. I don’t take orders well, unless you are ordering a cheeseburger from me. Even then you pretty much get what I feel like giving you.
Anyway, I decided to go for happy hour and asked the bartender about a gym. She looked at me like I was drunk already and said “have you looked into the one next door?”. Really? A gym next to a bar? I have died and gone to heaven. After I had finished my beer and hot wings I staggered next door. I poked my head in the door and decided I was going to need to sit down with some cheese sticks and a margarita while I thought things through. A few shots later I had made up my mind.
I went to the gym and was greeted by a trainer. He said, “How can we help you?” Normally I would have said something like, “What, do you have a mouse in your pocket? Who is this “we” you’re talking about?” However since I was seeing double his question made perfect sense. “I washnt tos ggoin yous gin.” I slurred. He smiled a little and told me he would be happy to set me up. He gave me a brochure, told me the price for membership, gave me a workout program and asked if I wanted to go next door for a drink with him. Now I go to the gym every day. I even made them put a pass through in the wall, so I could have my chicken wings and beer while I was on the treadmill.
27 Responses to ' My New Boyfriend Gym. '
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on February 27th, 2008 at 10:12 am
Looks like you hit the motherload of convenience!
on February 27th, 2008 at 10:19 am
Finding a decent gym can be a woeful experience, and I know, as I used to manage a personal training gym for several years. That mouse in the pocket line was great.
Finally, keep spreading the love.
on February 27th, 2008 at 10:22 am
Hmmm, Cheeseburger, hot wings.
Gym’s are tough to find and so are drinking buddies.
Maybe ya found both?
on February 27th, 2008 at 10:25 am
I worked in a club as a cook.
It was great to see people walk in, invigorated to exercise and get fit…
…and then waltz up to the bar, order a beer, a plate of chicken wings and a fried chicken sandwich.
On a side note, each membership offered free heart defibrillation if the cause turned out to be my cooking.
Charges are still pending.
on February 27th, 2008 at 11:56 am
Way back in the day when I ran 12 miles a day, our track coaches decided we needed more conditioning. They brought in an aerobics instructor they knew to “get us in shape”.
To this day, I still hate that woman and only remember her as Helga.
on February 27th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
how cool miss upset, perfect way to enjoy your workout hot wings and beer
I think lil gypsy is on to something about you. You do have a very sardonic rapier wit and can be quite salacious but deep inside is solid gold. Than again, maybe she did mean you were a slut LOL congrats on the award miss upset, you do have a gift for humor and fun.
on February 27th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
I think if it was a bar that really cared for its customers it would offer free excersise classes such as the empty beer keg toss class, the full keg toos didn’t get off the ground or maybe the beer case squat with a bus boy on hand to show how it should be properly done as to not injure your back.
The could also offer cooking classes in the kitchen on how to make unhealthy food and give out samples to taste.
It wouls save their customers heaps of money they would otherwise waste of gym memberships when those dollars would be best served during Happy Hour
on February 27th, 2008 at 2:41 pm
Sounds like you’ve made a good decision. Congrats on award. Hoping for a Gene Hackman one-night-stand post in near future!
on February 27th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
The perfect combo.
You’re so lucky.
I envy you.
on February 27th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
A gym is a waste of money, baby, what you need is s predator with sharp teeth to chase you. Being chased is the best way of staying healthy, unless you like having your ass bitten.
on February 27th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
i’ve joined/quit more gyms than i can count. i settled on a ‘geriatric’ gym at the ymca. there? i’m the hottest thing going… plus, there’s not the embarassment of always LOWERING the weight amounts on the nautilus machines.
can’t stand the ‘body builder’ gyms – with all the free weights and mirrors. who wants to hang out with a man who spends more time shaving his body than i do?
on February 27th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
“unless you like having your ass bitten.”
Who doesn’t? What are you, some kind of perv?
on February 27th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
I go to the gym in my house. I’d die if anybody saw my fat ass hoofin it on the dreadmill.
Good luck!
on February 27th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
A pass through between the gym and the bar? Genius! Now why on earth would I think you’re a slut Sammi….the cyber world needs your brand of love so keep spreading….the love, not your legs love.
on February 27th, 2008 at 5:42 pm
Not to be pedantic but I clicked on that Gypsy link because I wanted to go back to my blog and it took me to some other Gypsy who hasn’t posted since 2004 and only did so once by the looks of things. WTF is that about sweetness?
on February 27th, 2008 at 5:54 pm
*sigh* I miss spending all the tips I’d made that night on food and beer at the bar. good times, good times.
on February 27th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
there is a God..Gym and bar combined…thankyou Lord…..:)))
on February 27th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
Well, I may be an exercise fiend but even I wouldn’t consider joining a gym that didn’t provide access to martinis and hot wings. You lucky ducky.
on February 27th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
Cheeseburgers and chicken wings? Great, now I’m hungry.
As for the new award, feel free to spread your love over here.
on February 27th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
A gym? Oh yes, I remember those. I belonged to one back in 1987. Every now and then I’ll think about joining the “Y” or something but then I think, “$70/month can buy me several 12 packs of beer.”
I do have one of those bike thingys upstairs. I don’t know if works though.
on February 27th, 2008 at 9:29 pm
I remember that jello belly from waiting tables. Not good memories for me. Mine wasn’t bad, but I always felt like it was much more noticed than it probably was.
on February 27th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
French fries and wine–that’s my diet. My “gym” workout is walking the crazy dog as she pulls me down the many blocks at full speed, and as she almost dies from heat stroke, she lays down so I have to pick up all 14.6 pounds of her and carry her several miles home. I am buff now, baby. I hate gyms–running nowhere on a machine inside a literal sweat shop. But good luck with all of that!
on February 28th, 2008 at 7:05 am
Sounds like my kind of place to hang out at.
on February 28th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
I like having a gym membership that I never use. It makes me feel like a rich guy. I could waste money on more gym membrships but one is enough. Gym’s are like gold digging women. You figure.
on February 28th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
Woeful, All I need is for them to put in a Seven-Eleven so I can get a slurpy after I’m sweaty and sloshed.
Bds, Don’t you keep at least one mouse in your pocket? I’m going to a gym in order to stop spreading.
Admiral, I hope so. I’m tired of all that traveling with one eye closed.
Moooooog, If your cooking is that bad, we may have an opening for you in my restaurant.
Blackiswhite, You ran twelve miles a day? The only way I would do that is if I was a crack dealer and was being chased by a vicious police dog.
Robert, You must have had the dictionary open when you made your comment. I think Paris Hilton will be calling to bitch about me stealing her slut award.
Walker, Sound good to me.
Drill, I only make good decisions. Thats my story and I’m sticking to it.
Mr. DNA, You only envy my slut award.
Gorilla,I tried that. The only problem is sometime I have to let my boyfriend aka. Predator with sharp teeth. The whole world can bite my ass.
Daisy, Hmmm. What is it like working out with Young gay Christian men?
Catscratch, You must have a big house or a small gym.
Gypsy, Damn it I liked spreading my legs. Sorry about the link. I fixed it.
Pajama, Just send them to me, and spend them for you, then write about it. Then you can close your eyes and imagine. You won’t miss a thing.
Robert B., Your welcome.
Moi, Lucky hell, it took hard work and planning. Oh wait, nevermind.
Minnow, How big do you think I am? Go eat!
Folly,I almost remember 1987.
Vanessa, Well if you wanted to be noticed you should have worn spandex.
Restaurant gal, My dog used to pull me. I solved that problem by breaking his legs. He never pulled me again.
Becky, Good you go to the gym and I’ll watch you through the pass through.
Axey, I agree. You spend all that money and still don’t get laid.
on February 28th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
My gym is located in a neighborhood that offers weekly shootings and car jackings.
You lucky.
on February 28th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
Jenny, yea but you’re a boxer. Between you and Paco, I think you can handle it.