I have a confession. I’m a burnt out waitress.
You can tell if your waitress is spent by simply investigating her body language. After sitting at a dirty table for 15 minutes she will walk up to you rolling her eyes and sighing. Then she will mumble “bla bla fucking bla bla bla specials bla bla loser bla”. Your table may or may not be cleaned after her intro. Your water will have a yellowish or brownish hue. It may even be lumpy. Your silverware will be crusty and your napkins stained. Just in case you were wondering, that sticky shit in your seat isn’t honey, and she doesn’t care. She will tell you that you can pick up your food in the toilet on the right. Finally, your bill will arrive in the form of a slightly dampened spit ball.
36 Responses to ' The Beginning Of The End. '
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on March 4th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
All that calls for a 20% tip at the very least.
on March 4th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
I’ll trade ya jobs….
on March 4th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
I was the worst waitress in the world. The worst. I would wake up in the middle of the night sometimes and say, Oh shit! Table 42 wanted a refill, or dessert or hell even their dinner. I couldn’t remember to bring people their stuff and I ran around like a chicken with it’s head cut off.
The only people that sat in my section were ones that wanted to be entertained because they were not there for the service.
on March 4th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
Sounds like something straight out of “How to be a waitress 101″ so your point is….?
on March 4th, 2008 at 9:49 pm
yup, that about sums it up!
on March 4th, 2008 at 10:00 pm
Career change! What to do? Bartend? Better tips perhaps…
on March 4th, 2008 at 10:19 pm
i couldn’t last as long as you doing that job. i would eventually end up in a mental one room home or i would start tossing the customers dinners on their laps. kuddos to you my friend…
oh and your last post about the gym. a hoot. loved the last part. too funny!
on March 4th, 2008 at 11:41 pm
So what’s next? A career in law? You can feel as dirty as a prostitute without the benefit of sex.
on March 5th, 2008 at 12:53 am
It looks like you’re just about ready for management.
on March 5th, 2008 at 3:00 am
What you need an acting job playing a waitress. You could then use all the great lines that would get you fired in the real world. Plus you’ve got big tits, which is good for the role.
on March 5th, 2008 at 3:07 am
lumpy water….eeewww
on March 5th, 2008 at 6:21 am
I’m with Woeful! Time to hit the bar. Better tips and fringe benefits. (Glug, glug, glug!)
on March 5th, 2008 at 7:05 am
quitter……snap the fuck out of it…..bitch slap the kp or the buss boy, that always makes me feel better….
on March 5th, 2008 at 8:11 am
I dunno, I kinda like a grump ass waiter person. I can’t tell you the number of times some Chipper Charlie or Charlene has sidled up to Moi’s table with their shiny skin and day glo smile waving a freakin’ crayon as if it were a magic baton to grant one’s every wish, and they didn’t just take my order and go away, no, no, no, but tried as well to become my bestest friend forever and ever. Just makes me want to send them flying into the nearest deep fryer.
on March 5th, 2008 at 8:36 am
Sounds like someone is ready to work retail!
on March 5th, 2008 at 9:37 am
Quit your fuckin’ whining and get me a sandwich. J/K. But as your blog husband I have to encourage you to keep making money somehow so you can keep me in the lifestyle to which I am accustomed.
on March 5th, 2008 at 9:45 am
Two Questions, Missy.
Have you taken and passed that Lifesaving CPR Etc… course for restaurant employees?
Have you or would you actually use it?
on March 5th, 2008 at 11:49 am
Is the gym hiring?
on March 5th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
I’ll take a slow walk and lingering at dirty tables, but no food should enter the bathroom under any circumstances. Ever.
on March 5th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Ditto on what Blackiswhite said except I think a hooker gets paid better.
on March 5th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Well, the GOOD ones do, anyway.
on March 5th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
Buffalo, I’m worth more than twenty percent.
Becky, Right now mucking horse stalls would be better.
Pajama, Perhaps you should have worked in a cafeteria.
Gypsy, That’s How Not To Be a Waitress One Oh Who Cares.
Vanessa, I am tired of math. No more sums please.
Woeful, I would have to spend them all on rehab.
Jahooni, I padded house a long time ago.
Blackiswhite, Perhaps an unlawful sex career.
kyknoord, I,ve been managing for years. I’m ready for retirement.
Gorilla, My mother says I don’t know how to act.
Nursemyra, Don’t knock it until you try it.
Blonde, I did that. I made great tips, but I only came home with a hefty bar tab.
Manuel, I did smack them. They thought it was foreplay.
Moi, Perky people piss me off.
Restuarant gal, Is that when you sell tail again?
Tony, The only sandwich your get from me is a flatted shit burger.
Ali, I don’t want to work around that much hot grease.
BDS, Why not? That’s where most of our food originates. It only seem natural that it be served where was born and will lie in state.
Folly, However, the doctor bills and antibiotics will cost more than I’ll make. We don’t have socialized medicine.
on March 5th, 2008 at 4:07 pm
I’d still drop a 20% tip on you, what on account of how much I like you — burned out and all.
on March 5th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
I’m sorry.
on March 5th, 2008 at 7:52 pm
You need inspiration sister. Go get a job in McDonalds’s and come back when you feel ready
on March 5th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
My sister stabbed a dude in the hand once she got burned out and that bitch was queen waitress back in the day!
I’d still tip your ass out of respect for what you do when I’m sitting there trying to catch up after a busy friggin day on the road, in a strange place, eating another meal from another restaurant suggested by a hateful and bitchy customer.
The little bit of banter with an excellent server can make a salebitch’s day.
Cheers to ya! (glass of chardonnay in hand)
on March 5th, 2008 at 8:12 pm
Truckstop Liberal Kansas..I lived this….:))) so I left her a big tip..she looked like she had been to hell and back and I know that feeling
on March 5th, 2008 at 8:41 pm
As a tired waitress, how often do you resort to just smacking people around?
on March 5th, 2008 at 10:32 pm
Well we’re always hiring. If you live out this way, of course.
on March 6th, 2008 at 12:13 am
Are waitresses there licensed to carry firearms?
on March 6th, 2008 at 9:31 am
Anyone can carry a firearm here. In fact, we just had a restaurant owner shoot a couple of teenagers who tried to rob him. Yes, he’ll get off. We have the “New and Improved Make My Day Law.”
on March 6th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
Come and work here, I like your style!
on March 6th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
Try lap dancing. The shifts are shorter, the money is better, you can regularly tell customers to fuck off, no one cares if you are burnt out, and you don’t have to shower regularly!
on March 6th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
Didn’t you used to work at Ken’s Restaurant in Winnipeg about 30 years ago?
Well, if you’re thinking about a career change DO NOT consider teaching English as a second language. The tips are lousy.
on March 6th, 2008 at 10:47 pm
in a diner in the middle of nowhere, a frazzled waitress spilled pancake syrup on my lap. she was sweet, flustered and just the right amount of sorry (without being sappy). she made my day. she got a $20 tip on a $5 order…
if i don’t stop reading you ’server bloggers’, i swear, i’m gonna go fuckin’ broke!
on April 14th, 2008 at 8:03 pm
I knew I was burnt out today when a customer told me she wanted her soup “good and hot.” I should have replied, “Now that will really put us out, since we are too lazy to heat up your soup.” I can take special orders, all the shit on the side, etc. But to ask me to make sure the soup is hot? What, you need to order me around that extra bit??