The Beginning Of The End.
I have a confession. I’m a burnt out waitress.
You can tell if your waitress is spent by simply investigating her body language. After sitting at a dirty table for 15 minutes she will walk up to you rolling her eyes and sighing. Then she will mumble “bla bla fucking bla bla bla specials bla bla loser bla”. Your table may or may not be cleaned after her intro. Your water will have a yellowish or brownish hue. It may even be lumpy. Your silverware will be crusty and your napkins stained. Just in case you were wondering, that sticky shit in your seat isn’t honey, and she doesn’t care. She will tell you that you can pick up your food in the toilet on the right. Finally, your bill will arrive in the form of a slightly dampened spit ball.
Buffalo on March 4th, 2008
All that calls for a 20% tip at the very least.
becky on March 4th, 2008
I’ll trade ya jobs….
pajama momma on March 4th, 2008
I was the worst waitress in the world. The worst. I would wake up in the middle of the night sometimes and say, Oh shit! Table 42 wanted a refill, or dessert or hell even their dinner. I couldn’t remember to bring people their stuff and I ran around like a chicken with it’s head cut off.
The only people that sat in my section were ones that wanted to be entertained because they were not there for the service.
Gypsy on March 4th, 2008
Sounds like something straight out of “How to be a waitress 101″ so your point is….?
Vanessa on March 4th, 2008
yup, that about sums it up!
Woeful on March 4th, 2008
Career change! What to do? Bartend? Better tips perhaps…
jahooni on March 4th, 2008
i couldn’t last as long as you doing that job. i would eventually end up in a mental one room home or i would start tossing the customers dinners on their laps. kuddos to you my friend…
oh and your last post about the gym. a hoot. loved the last part. too funny!
Blackiswhite, Imperial AgentProvocateur on March 4th, 2008
So what’s next? A career in law? You can feel as dirty as a prostitute without the benefit of sex.
kyknoord on March 5th, 2008
It looks like you’re just about ready for management.
Gorilla Bananas on March 5th, 2008
What you need an acting job playing a waitress. You could then use all the great lines that would get you fired in the real world. Plus you’ve got big tits, which is good for the role.
nursemyra on March 5th, 2008
lumpy water….eeewww
Blondefabulous on March 5th, 2008
I’m with Woeful! Time to hit the bar. Better tips and fringe benefits. (Glug, glug, glug!)
Manuel on March 5th, 2008
quitter……snap the fuck out of it…..bitch slap the kp or the buss boy, that always makes me feel better….
moi on March 5th, 2008
I dunno, I kinda like a grump ass waiter person. I can’t tell you the number of times some Chipper Charlie or Charlene has sidled up to Moi’s table with their shiny skin and day glo smile waving a freakin’ crayon as if it were a magic baton to grant one’s every wish, and they didn’t just take my order and go away, no, no, no, but tried as well to become my bestest friend forever and ever. Just makes me want to send them flying into the nearest deep fryer.
Restaurant Gal on March 5th, 2008
Sounds like someone is ready to work retail!
Tony on March 5th, 2008
Quit your fuckin’ whining and get me a sandwich. J/K. But as your blog husband I have to encourage you to keep making money somehow so you can keep me in the lifestyle to which I am accustomed.
Tim the Curious Mule on March 5th, 2008
Two Questions, Missy.
Have you taken and passed that Lifesaving CPR Etc… course for restaurant employees?
Have you or would you actually use it?
Ali on March 5th, 2008
Is the gym hiring?
BDS on March 5th, 2008
I’ll take a slow walk and lingering at dirty tables, but no food should enter the bathroom under any circumstances. Ever.
Folly on March 5th, 2008
Ditto on what Blackiswhite said except I think a hooker gets paid better.
Blackiswhite, Imperial Agent Provocateur on March 5th, 2008
Well, the GOOD ones do, anyway.
upset waitress on March 5th, 2008
Buffalo, I’m worth more than twenty percent.
Becky, Right now mucking horse stalls would be better.
Pajama, Perhaps you should have worked in a cafeteria.
Gypsy, That’s How Not To Be a Waitress One Oh Who Cares.
Vanessa, I am tired of math. No more sums please.
Woeful, I would have to spend them all on rehab.
Jahooni, I padded house a long time ago.
Blackiswhite, Perhaps an unlawful sex career.
kyknoord, I,ve been managing for years. I’m ready for retirement.
Gorilla, My mother says I don’t know how to act.
Nursemyra, Don’t knock it until you try it.
Blonde, I did that. I made great tips, but I only came home with a hefty bar tab.
Manuel, I did smack them. They thought it was foreplay.
Moi, Perky people piss me off.
Restuarant gal, Is that when you sell tail again?
Tony, The only sandwich your get from me is a flatted shit burger.
Ali, I don’t want to work around that much hot grease.
BDS, Why not? That’s where most of our food originates. It only seem natural that it be served where was born and will lie in state.
Folly, However, the doctor bills and antibiotics will cost more than I’ll make. We don’t have socialized medicine.
LBB on March 5th, 2008
I’d still drop a 20% tip on you, what on account of how much I like you — burned out and all.
Jenny on March 5th, 2008
I’m sorry.
Axey on March 5th, 2008
You need inspiration sister. Go get a job in McDonalds’s and come back when you feel ready
Catscratch Diva on March 5th, 2008
My sister stabbed a dude in the hand once she got burned out and that bitch was queen waitress back in the day!
I’d still tip your ass out of respect for what you do when I’m sitting there trying to catch up after a busy friggin day on the road, in a strange place, eating another meal from another restaurant suggested by a hateful and bitchy customer.
The little bit of banter with an excellent server can make a salebitch’s day.
Cheers to ya! (glass of chardonnay in hand)
robert bourne on March 5th, 2008
Truckstop Liberal Kansas..I lived this….:))) so I left her a big tip..she looked like she had been to hell and back and I know that feeling
Native Minnow on March 5th, 2008
As a tired waitress, how often do you resort to just smacking people around?
Folly on March 5th, 2008
Well we’re always hiring. If you live out this way, of course.
walker on March 6th, 2008
Are waitresses there licensed to carry firearms?
Folly on March 6th, 2008
Anyone can carry a firearm here. In fact, we just had a restaurant owner shoot a couple of teenagers who tried to rob him. Yes, he’ll get off. We have the “New and Improved Make My Day Law.”
Queen of Clean on March 6th, 2008
Come and work here, I like your style!
Beaverboosh on March 6th, 2008
Try lap dancing. The shifts are shorter, the money is better, you can regularly tell customers to fuck off, no one cares if you are burnt out, and you don’t have to shower regularly!
azahar on March 6th, 2008
Didn’t you used to work at Ken’s Restaurant in Winnipeg about 30 years ago?
Well, if you’re thinking about a career change DO NOT consider teaching English as a second language. The tips are lousy.
daisyfae on March 6th, 2008
in a diner in the middle of nowhere, a frazzled waitress spilled pancake syrup on my lap. she was sweet, flustered and just the right amount of sorry (without being sappy). she made my day. she got a $20 tip on a $5 order…
if i don’t stop reading you ’server bloggers’, i swear, i’m gonna go fuckin’ broke!
leyla on April 14th, 2008
I knew I was burnt out today when a customer told me she wanted her soup “good and hot.” I should have replied, “Now that will really put us out, since we are too lazy to heat up your soup.” I can take special orders, all the shit on the side, etc. But to ask me to make sure the soup is hot? What, you need to order me around that extra bit??