St. Patty’s day is about as dumb as St. Valentines day. It’s like any other day of drinking and doing all the drugs you can get your hands on. Accept on St. Patrick’s day it’s legitimate to sport the color green, have every red headed freak ask people to kiss them based on some distant genetical tie to Ireland, and use it as an excuse to act like a douche bag. You’re also supposed to eat a celebratory meal of corned beef and cabbage. This is so you can smell as foul as they do. Which I won’t be eating because frankly I think cabbage smells like farts. I’ll just eat a bowl of Lucky Charms thank you very much. I do not ever wear the color green because it reminds me of leprechauns. I really hate leprechauns because they are sneaky little Protistants and I don’t want to be associated with them. Then there are shamrocks, which I don’t know what the big deal is. If you want good luck, just sever the limbs from your neighbors rabbit and be done with it. I don’t mean to clover bash, but it’s not like a green leaf you can smoke. Also, let it be known that there is no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Which is fine, but there isn’t even pot at the end of the rainbow. Which just pisses me off, because now I don’t even have a pot to piss in. What we need is for St. Patrick to come back on March seventeenth and drive all the snakes from Washington D.C. Which reminds me, the housing market is a lot like March. It goes in like a lion and eats you like a lamb, thanks to the mortgage lenders.
25 Responses to ' May You Choke On The Luck Of The Irish. '
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on March 11th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
you are funny. i agree with you on this one for SURE! well, one good thing is we have an “excuse” to drink heavily.
on March 11th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
grrrherhahahaha! youre hilarious. and right on. i thought you might like a holiday that celebrated drunkenness. or maybe you dont like amateur days. yes that was a grouper!!a black grouper. i was holed up in that over landscaped eurohaven known as naples. i went down to the everglades to restore my spirit and cleanse my soul in real florida. where you? hollywood? homestead? ive been to the keys. cant afford to stay long. fished islamorada a few years back. i was born in the sunny state but i barely recognize it now. cause all those jokers that come to your tomaine palace. grrherhaha jus kiddin.
good to see ya UW!
on March 11th, 2008 at 4:33 pm
ps. yeah. what she said. come back st patrick and drive out the snakes
on March 11th, 2008 at 4:45 pm
The only time I’ve seen a man urinate in broad daylight was in Philadelphia on St.Patrick’s Day -He stopped in the crosswalk in front of my car and decided THIS was the time and place. Oh surprise! He was major drunkee. The whole time he was peeing he was yelling “I feel lucky”. I have no idea why.
I refuse to wear green, drink green or talk to green on that day.
on March 11th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
I beg to differ, at the end of the rainbow from where I stand there is a pot of gold, Acapulco Gold and you’ll see enough leprechauns after a few of those doobbies.
In my previous life as a bouncer/doorman it was always a pleasure popping the Italian, French, Indian and every other drunk imitation Irishman out of the pub after last call and before they start turning green from the massive amounts of colored beer then spewing it all over the place.
on March 11th, 2008 at 6:24 pm
Not being a drinker, I have little to get excited about around St. Patrick’s Day. Not this year though. This year I’m going to see the Young Dubliners play at the Hard Rock. It should be fun.
on March 11th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
Maybe St Patty’s day should be for remembering Patty Hearst. Put on a beret, get an assault rifle and rob a bank.
on March 11th, 2008 at 6:50 pm
Listen you should try belfast for St Patrick’s day. We ain’t allowed to enjoy it. Some get upset and some start fighting and some get very drunk and start some more fighting and it all ends in tears…..
on March 11th, 2008 at 6:50 pm
and green beer just doesn’t look right..
on March 11th, 2008 at 8:09 pm
I refuse to participate as well. However, I suppose it must be said that for those of us who have been married fifty gazillion years, there is something semi-compelling about a holiday that allows one to kiss total strangers with impunity.
on March 11th, 2008 at 8:21 pm
Faith and begorah! What do you mean you don;t celebrate the green drinky day? I be plottin’ a ways to go up to the Paddy O’Brians and havein’ a Fuzzy Leprechan!
on March 11th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
I think it’s important to find clover you can smoke because you’ll really develop an appetite for Lucky Charms and I think that’s healthy.
They say to have a variety of colors at every meal and Lucky Charms satisfies that requirement and then some.
on March 11th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
St. Patrick’s Day means a lot of green vomit.
on March 11th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
Les Moi makes a good point about the kissing of strangers…….
on March 11th, 2008 at 10:19 pm
My last attempt at a St. Patrick’s day drunk-fest ended badly… a drunken green WASP’tard sidled up to me, and offered to pinch me, saying “blarrrrrrgh… ya ain’t wearing green!”
i replied “i’m not irish”
he said “everybody’s irish on st. patty’s day…”
i said “not me. i’m sicilian. where are you parked?”
on March 12th, 2008 at 1:10 am
Mmmmm . . . Gabriel Byrne.
on March 12th, 2008 at 4:04 am
A “snake drive” – what a brilliant idea! Certainly a lot more fun than a fund-raising drive.
on March 12th, 2008 at 7:49 am
ive been clicking on the ads on your pages. do you make money when i do that?
on March 12th, 2008 at 8:48 am
Cabbage smells awful going into your system and even worse on the other end. Ugly. And the worst part of St. Patty’s Day is green beer, which is an abomination (sp?).
on March 12th, 2008 at 8:54 am
Oh, ugh. I despise this day. One year I had to wake up a couple passed out in a booth–at 11:30 a.m. I just waved a plate of cabbage under their noses and they awakened pretty quick.
on March 12th, 2008 at 8:54 am
You’re missing the point.
Now, not being Irish OR Red-headed (thank CHRIST on both things), I can tell you that cabbage + beer = farts from Hell.
This is awesome if you’re a guy, or bull-dyke lesbian, or just some cool chick who likes farting and clearing rooms.
Otherwise, you’re right…St. Pat’s day kind of sucks.
on March 12th, 2008 at 11:04 am
Jahooni, You are clearly an amateur if you need a reason to drink.
She, I,m in the sport fishing capitol, the tourists and carpet baggers have managed to trash it almost completely. Yes. I do make money for the ads other wise I wouldn’t waste the space.
Jenny, He felt lucky because the police were not there to catch him. Either that or because he managed to drop trow just in time.
Walker, Green beer just isn’t natural.
Minnow, If you enjoy being bumped into by a crowd of sweaty vomit covered people it should be a wondrous experience.
Gorilla, Then what will a the kids with their waistband around their crotch have to do on that day? Go to the library and learn something?
Manuel, So, Belfast is full of cry babies?
Robert B., It’s O.K. if it’s green as long as it’s not fuzzy.
Moi, Kissing strangers will get you things only a doctor may or may not be able to help you fix. As far as being married for that long, remember eventually Mosses decided it was better to roam the desert with a bunch of barefoot Jews rather than stay at home with his old lady.
Blonde, I would but all that gleaming red back hair gives me the willies.
Pajama, Right they have all the major food groups. They have green, blue, yellow, red, and the ever important purple, as well as the lightly frosted fiber.
Woeful, That is all it means to me.
Daisy, You can bet he was parked in the green section, because he thought it was cute.
Azahar, Now I’m confused.
Kyknoord, You should never let your snake drive. It will get you in trouble.
Bds, It will turn any ordinary drinker into the abominable beer man.
Restaurant gal, How long did it take before they hurled?
Moooooog, The only time you should consume those things together is when you know you are going to be trapped in an elevator with someone you hate. It is important to remember to bring a gas mask or your screwed. Not in that fun spanky way either.
on March 12th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
I thought I made money when I clicked on your ads. Damn.
on March 13th, 2008 at 9:12 am
What kinds money from the ads. Should we all start doing it or what? I put ad’s on my site but felt I was becoming a sell out so I took them off. Now I am poor but I maintain high standards of poverty.
on March 13th, 2008 at 9:38 am
I agree with a few other commenters. Another excuse to drink is “Aight” with me.