I’ve quit smoking. I’ve quit eating junk. I’ve even quit drinking for a day, but I don’t think I would ever be able to quit blogging, and since they don’t make blogging anti-abuse drugs, a blogger just has to quit cold turkey. Yesterday I asked a friend of mine how she was able to quit blogging. She said “I finally got a boyfriend”. Nice, but that’s not an option for me. See, I got rid of my boyfriend so I could blog more.
So I called my brother and asked him how he stopped this nasty habit and he said “Well I lost my arms when you ran your car into my living room”. That’s one way to quit, but that’s not going to help me. If I had lost my arms, I would just type with my nubs. If I lost my nubs, I would type with my toes. If my feet fell off, I would type with my knees. If the rest of my legs spontaneously combusted, I would type with my charred genitalia. If while slithering down to the bar I slipped into a puddle of sulfuric acid that melted my lower torso, I would type with my voluptuous breasts. If my massive mammaries rolled down the street, I would type with my tongue. Of course I would have to make my blogs more tasteful. If I got blisters on my tongue from excessive blogging, I would type with my nose. If leprosy made my nose fall off, I would type with my eyelashes. When those eroded away, I would type with my eye balls, until I poked them out on the point of my story. Which is… I will blog forever. See, I like to drink and blog.
34 Responses to ' I’m Not Giving Up One More Thing. '
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on March 16th, 2008 at 10:25 pm
Hey, we have the same laptop. Except I have marshmallow Easter bunnies around mine and you have pills. You have cigarettes and I have ….but still, pretty close. I’m glad to see you’ve recomitted your vows to the Internet. I’ll sleep better tonight knowing this blog is safe.
(P.S. good job on the eliminating the junk.)
on March 16th, 2008 at 11:30 pm
what kinda pills are those? Correctol?
Shit…
on March 16th, 2008 at 11:30 pm
Yeah, this whole blogosphere stuff is just like Pokemon, innit?
on March 17th, 2008 at 1:58 am
“…If I had lost my arms, I would just type with my nubs…”
Sounds so much like a Simon & Garfunkel song.
on March 17th, 2008 at 2:43 am
You can’t quit. You’ve got too much craziness in your head. If you don’t let it out you’ll explode.
on March 17th, 2008 at 3:58 am
Having a troll who picks you out as his or her favourite erotomania helps.
I hope that doesn’t happen to you. Keep on bloggin’.
on March 17th, 2008 at 5:05 am
I find blogging to be a good source of fiber in my morning. Without it, I would become irregular and a grumpy human being to boot!
on March 17th, 2008 at 5:25 am
you’d type with your genitalia? that must be one helluva clit you got there girlfriend….
I’m jealous
on March 17th, 2008 at 5:52 am
Oooh I’m still on your blog roll….yeah don’t be a big wuss bag like me and pack up your laptap and go home. That would really suck having to type with your genitalia, your charred genitalia at that….I’m going to go to bed mulling over how that is even possible.
on March 17th, 2008 at 8:28 am
Wow…at the end there, with you typing with your eyelids, I’m assuming you’ll look like Charo.
on March 17th, 2008 at 8:57 am
That’s dedication!
on March 17th, 2008 at 9:07 am
Yes, a holiday is what is required for you. A long holiday. No PC. No mobile phone. Nuttin’. That might help. It’s what I need!!!
on March 17th, 2008 at 9:26 am
I don’t know which of your talents is greater: the ability to make me laugh or to totally gross out. But I’m glad to see you’re a Mac user at least. Happy Drunk Day to ya!
on March 17th, 2008 at 9:47 am
Jenny, I vowed on the day Al Gore invented the internet to defile it as often as I can for as long as it or I existed.
Daisy, They are Valium.
Quelqoth, I have never had the pleasure of stepping in Pokemon shit, so I have no frame of reference. I did however, accidentally step in teletubbie crap once. It must have been tinky’s because I was gay for a week.
Kyknoord, It also works well to the melody of Peter, Paul, and Mary’s if I had a hammer.
Gullbogan, Like I said I will never give up. No matter what the F.C.C. says.
Blonde, Nothing like a fiber filled blog to make you shit.
Nursemyra, I can crush aluminum cans and open pickle jars with it. Among other things.
Gypsy, That is just how dedicated I am to ya’ll.
Moooooog, Coochy Coochy Coochy.
Woeful, Yup! Almost as much dedication as I put into torturing my cat.
Axey, I took a holiday, and when I came back the world was in chaos. The poles had shifted. The sea level had rose, and the global climate had increased in temperature by an average of two point four degrees.
on March 17th, 2008 at 9:53 am
Moi, I don’t believe the talent is in balancing the two together. It also helps that most of my readers are almost as twisted as I.
on March 17th, 2008 at 10:37 am
Can’t do it. It is the only thing that keeps me sane as everything around me becomes more insane.
on March 17th, 2008 at 10:48 am
Dear God, child. will yer bloggin interfere with celebrating my feast day? i dont know if i can even find a corned beef hash in that tomaine palace you call work! nevertheless, i bring you blessings, promise to banish all snakes and serpents from you life, and leave with you a bouquet of shamrocks and bells of ireland….and OF COURSE a pint of guiness as well.
on March 17th, 2008 at 10:49 am
shit! that was supossed to be st patrick! fucken wordpress.
on March 17th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
If I had lost my arms, I would just type with my nubs. If I lost my nubs, I would type with my toes. If my feet fell off, I would type with my knees………………
Oh this is great! I now have a bedtime story for my kids tonight. This puts Runaway Bunny to shame.
on March 17th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
WOW! You really did think of everything!
on March 17th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
Sister, you lend new and expanded meaning to the word “twisted.”
on March 17th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
I agree I have been having the WORST blogging with drawls since I started this new job!
on March 17th, 2008 at 7:32 pm
don’t even think about it……
on March 17th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
Can I type with your breasts?
on March 18th, 2008 at 6:49 am
“…If I had lost my arms, I would just type with my nubs…”
Sounds so much like a Simon & Garfunkel song.
Caty Stevens, actually…
on March 18th, 2008 at 7:55 am
I can…………………..ok I can’t
on March 18th, 2008 at 10:43 am
I like to drink and blog as well. I’ve quit a million times…..
on March 18th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
DD quit cold turkey ’cause she got a job. Yeah, I know. I have one of those too but I still do it.
on March 19th, 2008 at 12:33 am
God bless your cotton socks for your commitment to blogging.
I feel the same.
on March 19th, 2008 at 9:14 am
This should be sent to all people who start a blog – set the bar high. Great post.
And you can always find time to blog as it’s simply a matter of when and how much you might have had to drink.
on March 19th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
Blackiswhite, Nothing has become more insane, you merely haven’t managed to drink it all away.
She, You can blame it on wordpress if you want, but I know it was all the green beer.
Pajama, That’s one way to screw them up.
Vanessa, Yes I did, and then I wrote that other crap.
Buffalo, That reminds me of the band I was in in high school. cysted twister.
Sohos, It is clearly time to stop working.
Manuel, Too late.
Minnow, Only if you pay for the operation and those time machine plans.
Mark, Fine. You got me. I took that from a little known song call would you still write me if…
Walker, You shouldn’t.
Heff, Which, drinking or blogging?
Folly, Good for you.
LBB, But I wear wool.
BDS, Why? Do you wish to scare them?
on March 20th, 2008 at 7:46 am
I would type with my…genitalia….voluptuous breasts…massive mammaries…my tongue….
Now you are just intentionally leading me on. I guess I need to add you to my Blogroll.
on March 21st, 2008 at 5:45 am
The pharma industry is working on Bloggers Imodium. It’s not a cure, but may offer some relief.
on March 21st, 2008 at 1:43 pm
The diving-bell and the upset waitress … hey, why not¿