Is Your Fish Fresh?
Every day I have to face the ever popular question, “Is your fish fresh?”. Today was no exception. I must have had a thousand people come to my restaurant here in the sport fishing capitol of the world and ask that stupid question. I have often entertained just smacking them. However, I decided that it would be more fun to screw with them and play games. I began telling them things like… “Yes it was caught seven days ago on Mars and shipped via the Venusian transport ship Valdez”, or “No we bury it in a kim chi pot for six month and ferment it in vinegar”. Sometimes, I like to tell them that it isn’t fish at all. It is actually fillet of manatee. Other times I just say sure and walk away snickering. That always makes them second guess having just ordered the snapper. By the end of the day I had had it. The last customer to ask that question got the surprise of his life. I turned around without a word. Went to the kitchen. I grabbed the biggest smelliest fish I could find, walked out to the table and proceeded to beat the crap out of the moron. All the while shouting, “Is this fresh enough for you?” When I was done I took him out to the water and dunked him repeatedly until he came up with a fish in his mouth and said, “Perhaps this is more to your liking?” Dill weed!!!!! The end.
daisyfae on April 12th, 2008
ummm… you sure they’re asking about menu items? could it be a pick up line?
Gorilla Bananas on April 13th, 2008
Yeah, you could pull their heads down to your crotch and say “Smell it for yourself, buster!”.
Axey on April 13th, 2008
Hmmmm…
moi on April 13th, 2008
I used to be a food critic for our local newspaper. I know what you know about transporting fish. When I eat out, I order steak.
blondefabulous on April 13th, 2008
I’m with Daisyfae, with your good looks and sparkling personality, it was most likely a pickup line.
Woeful on April 13th, 2008
LOL… The freshest the E. River has to offer!
Beaverboosh on April 13th, 2008
A bit personal asking about the state of your kipper!
Manuel on April 13th, 2008
Is your beef local…….? That gets right on my man tits……I’ve taken to telling them it’s from Argentina…..cunty twats
Vanessa on April 14th, 2008
Or you could just say “fresh as a daisy, jackass!” Or “do you prefer week-old fish? Because we have that!” Oh wait, you were expecting more guests? And I thought you just liked extra menus laying around on the table. But of course, let me get the Visene for your mashed potatoes.
gullybogan on April 14th, 2008
You should keep a live fish in a bucket and bring it out to the table to show them how fresh the fish really is.
Of course, when i say “bucket”, i mean ASPCA-approved aquarium, with regulated water temperature and supplied air hydrocirculation…
Screw it. Just hit the guy with a smelly old fish.
kyknoord on April 14th, 2008
“Is your fish fresh?”
“No, it’s very well-behaved”
moooooog35 on April 14th, 2008
Next time, just hold your hand out and say:
“You tell me. Smell my fingers.”
Troll on April 14th, 2008
Next time, tell them:
” Not really but it’s shipped in a douche bag, douche bag.”
Catscratch on April 14th, 2008
I mean this in the best possible way.. but I think all the asshats are getting to you and maybe you should find a less annoying profession.
Mark on April 14th, 2008
Every day I have to face the ever popular question, “Is your fish fresh?”
Who cares? I don’t fuck fish. Is your pussy clean?
Hey, was that over the top?
pajama momma on April 15th, 2008
My favorite is when you ask them if they want to sit inside or out on the patio and they ask you whether it’s cold out there are not?
I’m like you just fucking came in from outside, how do you not know what the weather’s like?
mike on April 16th, 2008
I, too, work in a fish house… and the level of ignoramity amazes me! What i can’t stand is the folks who dole out the verbal tips….”you were wonderful” is the kiss of death!!!