Spring Break Is Broken.
Booze + Students - Brains = Spring Break. This is a mathematical truth. I do believe Einstein would have made the Atom bomb for the Nazis if he knew about the spring break equation. After a long day of over privileged snot nosed kids without manners I want to invite a suicide bomber to take the table in the center of the restaurant. If I could I would feed them all the chili. This year I was prepared for those little pricks. I put laxative in the deserts, sand in the salt, and urinated in all the waters with lemon. I left the unwashed flatware on the tables. It was time to open for spring break and their savings accounts. My first table was a sweet old couple from Sioux Falls. I scrambled to undo the evil I had done. Unfortunately I wasn’t fast enough. They had finished their water before I could change it. The next five tables were the coolest old people I had ever met. A bus pulled in. I was excited. Finally, I was going to have my revenge on those kids. I’ll be damned if it wasn’t a group from the old folks home. I suppose you could say I got lucky. However, that wasn’t the case. Apparently spring break was broken. Nothing was right. At the end of the day someone came in and complained that the bathroom was full of and covered in shit. I sent the cook in with a plunger and a rag. He came out screaming at me. I didn’t know how he could blame me for the bathroom being a mess. When I confronted him with it, he simply held up a bowl of chocolate pudding we had been serving for desert. I sighed, hung my head down, And begrudgingly took the plunger and rag from the cook. Then I beat him with it until he agreed to clean the bathrooms. Spring break is definitely broken.
Restaurant Gal on April 14th, 2008
I say this with the utmost confidence: We are done with this after this weekend. I promise! Drinks on me; name the place.
Native Minnow on April 15th, 2008
Everybody knows that it’s so cliche to go to Florida for spring break. All the cool kids go to Mexico.
kyknoord on April 15th, 2008
Perhaps a slight downward adjustment in the quantity of laxative in the dessert would delay the inevitable until after the customers have left?
Gorilla Bananas on April 15th, 2008
So you don’t like serving kids? I guess the little ones want you to suckle them.
blondefabulous on April 15th, 2008
When they come in, suggest the Eagle Ray Fishing Tour.
Woeful on April 15th, 2008
All in a day’s work…
upsetwaitress on April 15th, 2008
Restaurant Gal, I was done with it before it started.
Minnow, I hope they all drink the water there.
Kyknoord, I think I should add more, so they shit their pants before they mess up my bathroom.
Gorilla, Everyone wants to suckle them.
Blonde, I think I should just beat them with the stuffed ray that we have mounted on the wall.
Woeful, Work is a four letter dirty word.
moi on April 15th, 2008
Well, I guess there’s something else to be said for Moi’s desert home: no water for the little thugs to wet tee shirt themselves in.
Axey on April 15th, 2008
Hey there UW. Hope you’re not running out of steam baby? Not another blogger with enui. Enui? For chrissakes I had to look that up. On-wee my arse!
walker on April 15th, 2008
Damn, they’re coming back home!!!!!!
Mark on April 15th, 2008
For chrissakes I had to look that up.
And STILL you spelled it wrong.
It’s ENNUI.
Bob Wire on April 15th, 2008
I spent seven or eight years under the tray myself, UW, so I can relate. This piece was funny, entertaining and well-written. That’s all I care about. Nice job.
Gypsy on April 15th, 2008
Been missing seeing you around the place Sammi. Yes I am still lurking around and making a nuisance of myself. So where have you been? Come back soon ok?
daisyfae on April 15th, 2008
you don’t like serving the spring breakers? honey, remind me to send you some recipes. if you catch them before their livers harden completely, you can get a nice pate from them, too…
Beaverboosh on April 18th, 2008
For whom the plunger tolls.