A Papal Poll.
The Pope met George Bush the other day. They reminded me of Harry Potter and Dumbledoor on fat burners. The Pope then began his tour of two cities. One of the reasons he came to the U.S. was to talk with the people (alter boys) that had been molested by the clergy. He did a survey of the victims.
“On a scale of one to ten how did you enjoy the forced sexual acts? Did you prefer to be molested at the pulpit, pew, or back door area? Were all of your molestation needs met? Was the priests candle snuffer long enough? Were you given an adequate amount of sacramental wine before intercourse? After sex did the Priest offer you any post coital holy water?”
As soon as he completed his survey he held a private conference with all of the bishops. I suppose as head molester he has a duty to encourage the other priests to find ways not to get caught fucuking little boys. He then rode through the streets in a funny car on his way to a large stadium to offer prayers to the rest of the flock. Unfortunately he was fined for a wardrobe malfunction where a young boys nipple slipped out from under his robe on live television.
Woeful on April 21st, 2008
The Pope….
I’m a recovering Catholic myself, no priest violation issues here but recovering nonetheless… It seems to me that egregious though they are, these issues are but a very minor footnote in the life of a… NAZI!
WTF? I for one am not kissing his ring, or anything else he sticks in my direction.
daisyfae on April 21st, 2008
wonder why he didn’t offer up W’s intellect for molestation by wayward priests… it’s suitably immature.
Mark on April 21st, 2008
Fucking classic!
BTW, is “fucuking” a perverted act with a cucumber???
Benedict XVI (The Pope, you buncha heathens!) on April 21st, 2008
Thanks for getting the word out about the survey! We’re running a special - if you complete the online survey, every 25th respondent gets a free Vatican Keychain and a “Get Out Of A Hail Mary Free” card…
Vanessa on April 21st, 2008
I’m laughing so hard I cant even come up with anything to say!
kyknoord on April 22nd, 2008
Interesting. I heard he was on a fact-finding mission to find out what exactly a bear does in the woods.
moooooog35 on April 22nd, 2008
My understanding was that the Pope was there to punish the molesters.
I heard that they were all in the backroom watching the Pope bop his bishop.
Native Minnow on April 22nd, 2008
Inappropriate joke I heard the other day, but seems to apply here:
Q: What’s the difference between acne and a Catholic Priest?
A: Acne waits until you’re 12 to come on your face.
The Apostle Peter on April 22nd, 2008
Please tell that Nazi to stop claiming that I had anything to do with his perverted cult. I never called myself a “Pope” and I was married.
To a Woman.
An actual Woman. Born with a vagina and such.
Gorilla Bananas on April 22nd, 2008
I think the pope is more of a butch dike man.
Jenny on April 22nd, 2008
Only YOU would take on the Pope.
Well done.
pajama momma on April 22nd, 2008
As a person raised as a strict Roman Catholic your story made me laugh my fucking ass off.
Heff on April 24th, 2008
I must admit, as a lover of Pope jokes, this post hit the spot.