The Pope met George Bush the other day. They reminded me of Harry Potter and Dumbledoor . The Pope then began his tour of two cities. One of the reasons he came to the U.S. was to talk with the people (alter boys) that had been molested by the clergy. He did a survey of the victims.
“On a scale of one to ten how did you enjoy the forced sexual acts? Did you prefer to be molested at the pulpit, pew, or back door area? Were all of your molestation needs met? Was the priests candle snuffer long enough? Were you given an adequate amount of sacramental wine before intercourse? After sex did the Priest offer you any post coital holy water?”
As soon as he completed his survey he held a private conference with all of the bishops. I suppose as head molester he has a duty to encourage the other priests to find ways not to get caught fucking little boys. He then rode through the streets in a funny car on his way to a large stadium to offer prayers to the rest of the flock. Unfortunately he was fined for a wardrobe malfunction where a young boys nipple slipped out from under his robe on live television.
A Papal Poll.
April 21st, 2008 Upset Waitress |
13 Comments »
on April 21st, 2008 at 6:00 pm
The Pope….
I’m a recovering Catholic myself, no priest violation issues here but recovering nonetheless… It seems to me that egregious though they are, these issues are but a very minor footnote in the life of a… NAZI!
WTF? I for one am not kissing his ring, or anything else he sticks in my direction.
on April 21st, 2008 at 8:00 pm
wonder why he didn’t offer up W’s intellect for molestation by wayward priests… it’s suitably immature.
on April 21st, 2008 at 8:16 pm
Fucking classic!
BTW, is “fucuking” a perverted act with a cucumber???
on April 21st, 2008 at 8:18 pm
Thanks for getting the word out about the survey! We’re running a special – if you complete the online survey, every 25th respondent gets a free Vatican Keychain and a “Get Out Of A Hail Mary Free” card…
on April 21st, 2008 at 11:50 pm
I’m laughing so hard I cant even come up with anything to say!
on April 22nd, 2008 at 2:10 am
Interesting. I heard he was on a fact-finding mission to find out what exactly a bear does in the woods.
on April 22nd, 2008 at 9:41 am
My understanding was that the Pope was there to punish the molesters.
I heard that they were all in the backroom watching the Pope bop his bishop.
on April 22nd, 2008 at 11:12 am
Inappropriate joke I heard the other day, but seems to apply here:
Q: What’s the difference between acne and a Catholic Priest?
A: Acne waits until you’re 12 to come on your face.
on April 22nd, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Please tell that Nazi to stop claiming that I had anything to do with his perverted cult. I never called myself a “Pope” and I was married.
To a Woman.
An actual Woman. Born with a vagina and such.
on April 22nd, 2008 at 2:35 pm
I think the pope is more of a butch dike man.
on April 22nd, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Only YOU would take on the Pope.
Well done.
on April 22nd, 2008 at 6:22 pm
As a person raised as a strict Roman Catholic your story made me laugh my fucking ass off.
on April 24th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
I must admit, as a lover of Pope jokes, this post hit the spot.