Yes I Got No Mayonnaise.

April 28th, 2008 Upset Waitress | 11 Comments »

A five gallon tub of mayo never came off the vendor’s truck today. Being just a small breakfast/lunch joint, this made it impossible to function without it. It was like a black hole came down and sucked up the whole solar system or something. This nasty crap is used for everything. Without it, a can of tuna probably wouldn’t exist because it can’t get the moisture it needs. And people that spackle it all over their sliced bread must like sperm sandwiches. I remember my granny using it to tame her afro. She’d smear it all into her hairs and it would smell like fried eggs. Which smells like farts.

11 Responses to ' Yes I Got No Mayonnaise. '

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  1. kyknoord said,

    on April 29th, 2008 at 2:48 am

    Maybe you could bribe some of the local teenage boys to provide you with a substitute?

  2. daisyfae said,

    on April 29th, 2008 at 6:01 am

    five gallon tub of mayo = great fun at childrens parties!

  3. USA_Admiral said,

    on April 29th, 2008 at 6:30 am

    I think I hate mayo now.


  4. on April 29th, 2008 at 7:09 am

    Mayrnaise is what us folks in the south likes to put on muh sandweeches!

  5. moooooog35 said,

    on April 29th, 2008 at 7:15 am

    Maybe granny was trying to cover up the tuna smell.

    Just saying.

  6. gullybogan said,

    on April 29th, 2008 at 8:40 am

    Problem is you’re using chemical mayonnaise, and not real mayonnaise.

    Here is a recipe for real mayonnaise.

    http://www.taste.com.au/recipes/18088/basic+mayonnaise

    If you use that, then ppl will stop putting semen on their bread. Your food emporium will become a lourdes of mayonniase miracles. You will be able to retire on a billion dollars worth of tips, and settle down to a relaxing life of writing your mayonnaise memoirs.

  7. Jenny said,

    on April 29th, 2008 at 10:44 am

    I use it to lube my car engine. But I won’t eat it.

  8. Mark said,

    on April 29th, 2008 at 7:58 pm

    Mayonnaise sucks ass. Never liked that shit either!

    :o )>

    It’s like your sandwich is infected and leaking puss all over the place.

  9. becky said,

    on April 30th, 2008 at 4:24 pm

    Mark I like puss all over my sandwich!

  10. Catscratch said,

    on May 13th, 2008 at 1:29 pm

    Ok, mayo is just wrong. I’m gonna go puke now.

  11. SheBee said,

    on May 15th, 2008 at 10:45 am

    Okay – you just put me off for life.

    LOl at the granny tuna comment.

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