Yes I Got No Mayonnaise.

A five gallon tub of mayo never came off the vendor’s truck today. Being just a small breakfast/lunch joint, this made it impossible to function without it. It was like a black hole came down and sucked up the whole solar system or something. This nasty crap is used for everything, even as a reverse natural acne treatment. Without it, a can of tuna probably wouldn’t exist because it can’t get the moisture it needs. And people that spackle it all over their sliced bread must like sperm sandwiches. I remember my granny using it to tame her afro. She’d smear it all into her hairs and it would smell like fried eggs. Which smells like farts.

Comment RSS feed

11 Comments so far

  • kyknoord on April 29th, 2008

    Maybe you could bribe some of the local teenage boys to provide you with a substitute?

  • daisyfae on April 29th, 2008

    five gallon tub of mayo = great fun at childrens parties!

  • USA_Admiral on April 29th, 2008

    I think I hate mayo now.

  • blondefabulous on April 29th, 2008

    Mayrnaise is what us folks in the south likes to put on muh sandweeches!

  • moooooog35 on April 29th, 2008

    Maybe granny was trying to cover up the tuna smell.

    Just saying.

  • gullybogan on April 29th, 2008

    Problem is you’re using chemical mayonnaise, and not real mayonnaise.

    Here is a recipe for real mayonnaise.

    http://www.taste.com.au/recipes/18088/basic+mayonnaise

    If you use that, then ppl will stop putting semen on their bread. Your food emporium will become a lourdes of mayonniase miracles. You will be able to retire on a billion dollars worth of tips, and settle down to a relaxing life of writing your mayonnaise memoirs.

  • Jenny on April 29th, 2008

    I use it to lube my car engine. But I won’t eat it.

  • Mark on April 29th, 2008

    Mayonnaise sucks ass. Never liked that shit either!

    :o)>

    It’s like your sandwich is infected and leaking puss all over the place.

  • becky on April 30th, 2008

    Mark I like puss all over my sandwich!

  • Catscratch on May 13th, 2008

    Ok, mayo is just wrong. I’m gonna go puke now.

  • SheBee on May 15th, 2008

    Okay - you just put me off for life.

    LOl at the granny tuna comment.

Leave a reply