This is the newest addition to my garden. It’s called a Dutchmans Pipe. It looks more like a Dutchwomans snatch if you ask me. I can’t tell you how much this reminds me of a sick vagina. I had it in the back of my ozone eating pickup truck, and by the time I got home I had three tons of bull dikes trying to take it out for a date. Anyway, the purpose of this flower is to attract itself some flies. So, the flower smells a bit like rotting flesh. Hmmmm. Maybe I accidentally bought Paris Hiltons snizz. No. It wasn’t cheap or gaudy enough. Some people say it looks like a piece of rotten flank steak, but I say it looks more like a twat. Since it is a vine, I have a feeling it is a matter of time before it creeps over the fence and gets arrested for indecent exposure.
20 Responses to ' My New Plant Looks Like A Twat. '
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on May 13th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Nice! It could be worse…
on May 13th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
Paris Hilton’s “snizz” (*snort*) must smell like money. Otherwise, why the hell would anyone bother chasing it? Maybe guys with coathanger fetishes…
on May 13th, 2008 at 11:03 pm
Nasty. That twat looks all infuckted and shit…
on May 14th, 2008 at 1:29 am
Why would you want to attract more flies? Not enough at work?
on May 14th, 2008 at 4:44 am
I’d tap that shit.
on May 14th, 2008 at 5:10 am
wow that’s an amazing looking plant. I’m not surprised dykes want to date it
on May 14th, 2008 at 7:45 am
Yes definitely a resemblance to Paris Hilton’s twat….how do I know this? Name one person who doesn’t?
I love that you have green fingers Sammi, who would’ve thought. In answer to the question you left me…I’m no expert but what about one of those miniature baby cacti?
on May 14th, 2008 at 8:29 am
I stopped by today because I needed a laugh. I made an excellent decision!
on May 14th, 2008 at 9:22 am
Oh good gosh, girl. That’s just what I need this early in the morning on an empty stomach. How happy am I that I live in the desert and therefore plant mostly marigolds and cacti? THIS happy. No fetid, tropical snatch plants por Moi!
on May 14th, 2008 at 10:53 am
looks like an easter hat for Medea to me. i want to thank you, UW, for making it where any dining out experience now involves anxiety and trepidation as i search for signs of angry chef syndrome on the plate. on the bright side, ive lost weight now that i eat a home more. its better than the diet pills you recommended with your google ads. grrrrerhahahaha
on May 14th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
I no longer want to see your twat…if you think that’s what one looks like.
Thanks in advance for not posting photos.
on May 14th, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Try licking it and see if it sighs or moans.
on May 14th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Ick! That thang might crawl up a the side of the house an’ on into yore window–yank it up!
Cain’t be what ya think it looks like..or Georgia O’Keefe woulda painted it, right?
Iffin’ ya can, please come give me some ideas fer summer on the Front Porch. ‘preciate it.
on May 14th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
Twat in the world…….
on May 14th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
Twat did you say ? I cunt hear you ! I’m a floral bastard myself (see the floral Heff label), but I can’t say I have any plants like that !
on May 14th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
And you bought this, why?
Flies? because?
on May 14th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
Flies? because?
Because time’s fun when yer havin’ flies!
on May 15th, 2008 at 7:44 am
It doesn’t look like any Dutchwoman’s snatch that i’ve ever seen.
on May 15th, 2008 at 11:19 am
ewwwwwwwwwwww!
LMBO!
on May 16th, 2008 at 2:18 am
Bloody hell! That thing needs an antibiotic and fast! And some advice about making the bees wear a condom.