Fertile Mertyl And Others.
The world must be on fertility drugs. I have received ten baby shower invitations this week. It seems no one has learned a damn thing from reading my posts. If I have said it once, I have said it a thousand times, children make terrible house pets. Still everyone insists on finding out the hard way. I’m not sure how this baby shower thing is supposed to work. If it hasn’t been born yet, how the hell are we supposed to give the stinking thing a shower. Besides I am pretty sure you should give a baby a warm bath, unless you have post pardom depression, in which case I’m fairly certain you supposed to just drown the fucuking thing before it becomes a problem. However, if you were truly enterprising, you would sell it, or put it to work in a sweat shop. Just ask Kathy Lee for her advice on the best textile factory to utilize your childs nimble fingers. Otherwise, my advise to all is DON’T DO IT! Just practice.
Abbadon on June 8th, 2008
I love it! And I whole heartedly agree!
And why lick your money when you can wipe it on your ass before passing it on to people in the union?
daisyfae on June 8th, 2008
i thought a baby shower is where people dropped them from balconies on unsuspecting people on the street below. Oops…
becky on June 8th, 2008
I think I agree with you. DD and her hormones are driving me mad. I would take being shot dead right now over living another day. It’s that bad.
servlet on June 9th, 2008
I had a baby shower in my restaurant the other day. They were supposed to have twenty but only showed up with fifteen. They used the residual 6-top for cake and presents and occupied a server’s entire section for the entire lunch rush.
Worse, they tipped less than 15%, and their server walked with $16 that day. Oh, but he did get the verbal tip…
Boo.
Blondefabulous on June 9th, 2008
If they aren’t careful, they’ll get defective one’s like I have!!! Then you spend the rest of your life and all your cash taking care of a defective carrier monkey who couldn’t care less….
moooooog35 on June 9th, 2008
Baby showers are easy.
You use one of those detachable shower spray nozzles…or a turkey baster.
Although..a turkey baster is probably how most of these chicks got into this predicament in the first place.
kono on June 10th, 2008
i quote Snoop Dogg — “Fatherhood is a lifestyle” My kid’s baby shower had an open bar and the girl works in a restuarant so all the waitresses and bartenders got go tipped gooood.
kyknoord on June 10th, 2008
It’s too late for them now. Unless they throw the baby out with the bathwater. The only thing you can do now is send gifts of booze and anti-depressants.
moi on June 10th, 2008
Whenever someone asks why me and my spousal unit never spawned, I just steal from Rita Rudner and say: “Well, we do have dogs. We’d rather ruin the carpet than our lives.”
Jenny on June 10th, 2008
high five to friend, Moi!
and boy is my carpet ruined.
Native Minnow on June 10th, 2008
Just drown the fucking thing before it becomes a problem
Almost made me spit my drink out. Except, I wasn’t drinking anything.
Bunny on June 12th, 2008
Amen sista!
We tried childproofing our house, but damn little buggers got in anyway.
LeeAnn on June 12th, 2008
Could do it the way my uncle did when babysitting me… hold by one ankle and flush repeatedly.
Now that I think of it, this could explain a lot of my adulthood.