Look it here. This is my hand now. It will never be the same. I never used it much anyway, so I’m not overly upset about it. Accept now it’s ugly. It’s not as ugly as George Bush or Don Imus, but it is fairly ugly. I let it go to long without getting medical attention. Now I have an infection. The doctor is going to have to scrub off the dead flesh and give me antibiotics. On the plus side, all of my customers got to eat a little piece of me. I made sure that every plate was garnished with human flesh. I never had so many compliments on my food. I had quite a few compliments when I put my pubic hairs in the food but apparently the taste charred flesh is preferable to any of my bodily fluids that I often apply liberally. It must be the smoky flavor and crispy texture that makes the difference. I think maybe I’ll save the flesh that the doctor removes, bag it up, and sell it as pork rinds. I wonder if anyone will notice.
15 Responses to ' When A Waitress Cooks…Herself. '
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on June 25th, 2008 at 10:21 am
Waitress sushi… Mmmmm….
on June 25th, 2008 at 10:28 am
Amusing post but YIKES. Thanks for submitting a recipe for the Troll Report Salad Contest. A winner has been announced.
on June 25th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
That can’t feel good.
on June 25th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
You poor baby.
on June 25th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
Doh!
on June 25th, 2008 at 8:59 pm
Jesus fucking Christ, sweetie, what the hell did you do???
on June 26th, 2008 at 12:03 am
Oh Good Lord.
on June 26th, 2008 at 1:45 am
I always admire people who throw themselves into their work.
on June 26th, 2008 at 8:35 am
Will you be changing the blog name to TASTEE WAITRESS?
Dude, that looked awful!
on June 26th, 2008 at 9:22 am
So charred, yet, so dainty.
on June 26th, 2008 at 7:20 pm
How’d you do that? Smacking a customer silly?
on June 27th, 2008 at 5:57 am
I know that sometimes it SEEMS like putting the back of one’s hand on the grill will feel good, but actually that’s not true! I know. Amazing when you learn that. Mend fast, missy.
Seeing you the weekend of the 4th, this time for real, RG son in tow. Call my buddy with the van and tell him where he can smash up my car again
on June 27th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
Girl, with hands like that I think you need to take the Dove Challenge, or Oil of Olay, or effin somethin’
on June 27th, 2008 at 7:09 pm
It’s true: dogs can’t tell it’s not bacon.
on June 28th, 2008 at 5:32 am
Try putting rosehip & vitamin E oil on it – it’s supposed to be very good for healing burnt skin.
What happened?