The internet sucks. Everything about it sucks, and not having the internet sucks the big one. I have to physically leave my house to go to Mc-Fricking-Donalds with my power book to get online, or I am at an internet cafe where there is nothing but distractions. Like the three hundred pound geek picking his nose and ass and eating it. There is absolutely no privacy here. They have no tables so you have to sit up at a bar and order their crappy coffee so you can get a discount for the online usage. They wont let me smoke in here either. I desperately need a cigarette to hide the taste of the poo water they say is coffee. The guy beside me is literally punching his keyboard, because he just lost his connection to the transvestite porn site he was stroking himself to with the hand he kept in his pocket. He keeps typing louder and louder the more he gets excited. People that type this loud should be shot. Shot with a gun that’s shaped like a web cam. Possibly a large gun in the shape of a monitor with a nuclear missile launcher in it or something. On my other side is a couple of teens playing some kind of war game. I swear if I hear the word “Dude” one more time I will thump them both. General information: A dude is an infected butt hair on an elephant. Anyway, enough about the cafe. I am getting good internet here soon. I am going to steal it. I have seven computers so I have to do all this networking crap all over again. I have to get all new routers, hubs, and modems so I’m shopping online for those right now.
I really liked my last blue Linksys router, so I bought a newer one with an updated look. I’m fussy about my equipment and it all has to match. The one I found on sale has nice rounded edges and a super flat top. This is important to me because it will be perfect as an ashtray stand or coaster.
Sticking with the Linksys theme, I bought two of these cable modems. They will sit on my shelf above a couple of computers and serve as bookends too. Now all I have to do is figure out how to hump off my neighbors connection without him knowing. It should be easy. I think I will just go over there wearing my new bikini and a hand full of wires to be untangled. I will ask him to sort out the mess of red and green wires. While he is doing that, I will make the important connections. Then I will trot home in triumph.
2 Responses to ' I Wish I Were Home Computing. '
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on July 7th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
The advantage of living in an area of high population density is that I can’t go anywhere without tripping over someone’s non-encrypted WiFi. I know some people who even keep their WiFi open for anyone to use because they have been without before and know all about the pain it causes…
on July 8th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
damn. drinking McD’s coffee just for the wireless… ouch… major ouch…