Things I’ve Learned About Flocking Chickens.
I just wanted to remind everyone that I raise my own chickens. A few months ago I got me some big birds so I can eat their eggs. I have learned a lot about raising chickens, and thought I should share some of the things I have learned with you. First off, my chickens will lay an egg everyday. This means that the poor bird ovulates everyday, which means they start every morning with P.M.S. and end every evening with menopause. A new menstrual cycle every day. That would suck eggs. Another thing I’ve learned is that chickens will eat absolutely everything. Good or bad, they will ingest it. For example, when I burnt my hand, there was tons of leftover skin hanging. I went outside to peel off all the extra dead skin. The chickens were catching the crusty flakes in mid air. They squabbled over every little morsel of flesh. When there was an extra big piece of dead skin, it looked like a scene from Rocky. Bagock-Adrian! Na na na na nana na na na na. They would peck and chase each other over the delight. Another thing is, chickens constantly shit. All over the place is chicken crap. It’s quite colorful too, and to make the colors stand out, there is always a big chunk of white included. The poo sort of looks like an Oreo cookie that has been pre-soaked in milk. It sometimes resembles a grasshopper that has hit your windshield at high velocity. One more thing I learned is just how stupid chickens really are. Out of three birds, I only have two left. One of the big dummies opened her mouth towards the sky during a rainstorm and drowned. I mean seriously. So, why did the chicken cross the road? It was stuck to the farmers penis. Anyway, to wrap up my learning experience about chickens. They are ovulating all the time, they eat everything, they crap constantly, and they are dumb enough to let farmers fuck them. I really love chickens.
Woeful on July 12th, 2008
Fun for all ages!
daisyfae on July 12th, 2008
i thought the chicken crossed the road to proved to the damn possum that it was possible!
beaverboosh on July 12th, 2008
Love the recent piece about farmer’s wives! Gee, they seem to have a lot in common with chickens.
Restaurant Gal on July 12th, 2008
I consider this a fine Saturday night at home alone since I learned all the fun facts you shared about this feathered creature. Seriously, thanks for sharing!
Gorilla Bananas on July 13th, 2008
Farmers fuck them? What’s wrong with cows?
kyknoord on July 14th, 2008
So I guess the “F” in KFC doesn’t mean “fried”, does it?
moooooog35 on July 14th, 2008
“…ovulating all the time, they eat everything, they crap constantly, and they are dumb enough to let farmers fuck them…”
So, in a nutshell, a chicken is like a farmer’s wife.
Good to know.
gullybogan on July 17th, 2008
Chickens actually have a very active inner life. One day, they will develop a physiology that will allow them to type, and then chicken novels will replace post-colonialism as the serious literary genre du jour.
This will cause great problems with regard to what to call this new genre, as ‘chicklit’ is already taken.
blondefabulous on July 17th, 2008
FUCKING. HATE. CHICKENS.
My bastard neighbor has a free roaming flock of chickens that crow starting at 4:30am. I will frickasee those fuckers eventually!
Maybe if I make a scarecrow in Col. Sanders’ image…..
Native Minnow on July 17th, 2008
One of the funniest things I’ve ever seen was a chicken slipping and falling on an icy sidewalk.