My boyfriend is such lazy ass bastard his name should be Susan. The only time he lifts a finger is to push a button on the remote. He hasn’t left the couch in almost a week!!! He’s so lazy I’m surprised he even breaths. Anyway, after a long shift, I called him to see if he could have dinner ready for when I got home, but he was too lazy to answer the fricking phone. When I got home, there he was laying on the couch stinking it up. I told him to get his ass up and take a damn shower, but he thought that the one-foot distance from the couch to the bathroom is too much. For Christ sake he won’t even get up to pee. He just keeps peeing in a damned Gatorade bottle. Then he pours it in the potted plant on the coffee table. I think I am going to have his DNA tested in order to see if he is a lazy man or two toed sloth. The only problem is that DNA testing is expensive. If it turns out that he is a sloth, I am going to contact the local zoo and see if they want an inanimate object display. The only thing good about him is he has a constant hard on. Which means he must be moving at least once a month to get his Viagra prescription. So when I want sex, I push the couch against the washing machine, unbalance the load, and put it on the spin cycle. I think that is the only time I see him move. I take that back. I once saw him roll over to fart.