My boyfriend is such lazy ass bastard his name should be Susan. The only time he lifts a finger is to push a button on the remote. He hasn’t left the couch in almost a week!!! He’s so lazy I’m surprised he even breaths. Anyway, after a long shift, I called him to see if he could have dinner ready for when I got home, but he was too lazy to answer the fricking phone. When I got home, there he was laying on the couch stinking it up. I told him to get his ass up and take a damn shower, but he thought that the one-foot distance from the couch to the bathroom is too much. For Christ sake he won’t even get up to pee. He just keeps peeing in a damned Gatorade bottle. Then he pours it in the potted plant on the coffee table. I think I am going to have his DNA tested in order to see if he is a lazy man or two toed sloth. The only problem is that DNA testing is expensive. If it turns out that he is a sloth, I am going to contact the local zoo and see if they want an inanimate object display. The only thing good about him is he has a constant hard on. Which means he must be moving at least once a month to get his Viagra prescription. So when I want sex, I push the couch against the washing machine, unbalance the load, and put it on the spin cycle. I think that is the only time I see him move. I take that back. I once saw him roll over to fart.
7 Responses to ' Statue Man, The Immovable Object. '
Leave a reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
on August 6th, 2008 at 4:06 pm
He’s not much better than a small cucumber then.
on August 6th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
If he’s guilty of sloth and folly, he will starve while the serious hard-working man prospers. More importantly, if he’s knowing you sexually outside the bounds of marriage, you both will spend much of eternity at the foot of Satan’s Fiery Throne.
Even if you’re not doing that, I suspect you’re a mocker. And mockers do not please the Lord.
on August 7th, 2008 at 3:00 am
At least he feeds the plant.
on August 7th, 2008 at 8:44 am
I was initially curious, but on second thought, I’d rather not know what he does when he needs to take a dump.
on August 7th, 2008 at 11:41 am
So you’re saying that the sex ix nonexistent?? I feel your pain……
on August 7th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
can you rent him out as ballast on a fishing boat? an anchor? one of those things that are used to sop up toxic spills?
on August 7th, 2008 at 11:21 pm
Wow.