When It Sucks To Be Me.
Lookie at my new pad. Isn’t it nice? This too is a gift. A tent that my ex found for sale. It’s like a portable closet. First off I fricking hate sleeping outside of my trailer. I enjoy light switches and microwaves too much. The dirt in my food isn’t so bad but the lumpy sleeping conditions suck it big time. I was so uncomfortable getting laid on the ground all night with a bunch of animals around. Yea I had my chickens and cats with me too because they were tossed out on their asses with me. They each crapped out an egg a piece for my dinner though. Of course I had no stove to cook the eggs on. So I cut one of my beer cans in half, put the two eggs in and held a lighter under the bottom. Living off of booze sure has become handy. Anyway, to hone my skills at burning things I decided to make a campfire. I just held my lighter to and old greasy tire that I soaked with Bacardi 151 ’til it went ablaze. It is still burning today. Damn I’m a good fire starter. Later I’m going to have a tent warming party with some of my friends. I hope they don’t mind crapping in a bucket. I don’t have a toilet, and since I no longer have an address, I told them to just follow the black smoke to my site. I wonder if the old man cares that I’m living in the empty parking space across the street from the house. He keeps bitching at me for taking the stereo out on the porch and running the speaker out to my tent. I think tomorrow I’ll grab his t.v. and satellite dish.
Woeful on August 29th, 2008
That’s OK… You can come hang out with me @ the Library. >:)
daisyfae on August 29th, 2008
got extra room in my new trailer, too! the chickens would violate the home owners association guidelines, but we can eat ‘em, i suppose…
Gorilla Bananas on August 30th, 2008
You can join my harem in the jungle, the other females will make you feel at home.
beaverboosh on August 30th, 2008
Nice, are you going with the hardwood floors or carpeting?
LBB on August 30th, 2008
Tent pole.
ame i. on August 30th, 2008
My shed had hardwood floors and the roof doesn’t leak. I could run an extention cord out there along with the fan than only wobbles a little bit.
There is the extra bedroom upstairs, complete with home gym, but then asses would be saying I was enabling you and shit. That would make me drink more, then you would have to drink more to put up with me. It would give them something valid to bitch about, though.
Reverend Thorn on August 31st, 2008
Pehaps, like Job, you’ll be restored to your formerly prosperous status eventually. Indeed, you’ll be even richer.
But you’ll need to do the festering boils thing first.
banquet manager on August 31st, 2008
You definitely can “rough-it”.
So You Want To Be a Banquet Manager
Native Minnow on September 1st, 2008
At least by burning the tire you got rid of the mosquito larvae that were likely growing inside it. Now you won’t even have to zip up the insect netting.
Eric on September 2nd, 2008
….. Native Minnow is very, very wise….