So I’m out here listening to the radio while hurricane Ike wreaks havoc on my tent, and the radio told me that Sarah Palins teenage daughter, Bristol, is knocked up. Unfortunately for Bristol, abortion wasn’t an option. That is why her mother has a child with down syndrome to begin with. I guess if everyone believed in abortions the Walmart greeters wouldn’t even exist, and I just couldn’t live without being greeted by a complete tard while entering my favorite store. Anyway, Bristol being the daughter of a political figure could turn this whole teenage pregnancy thing around and use it to set an example for all the other trampy teens out there. While holding her Barbie doll, she could travel the country doing speeches, complete with black eyes, a few missing teeth, and patches of hair torn from her scalp, explaining how her mother beat the living shit out of her for being a slut. She could also visit all the high schools telling other teens that they REALLY SHOULD use birth control or condoms if they’re sexually active. She could even set up an exhibit displaying the proper way to give out blow jobs as an alternative form of getting knocked up because gawd knows she wouldn’t be a good candidate for diet pill reviews. After all this she could give birth naturally, live on MSNBC. That way we could all see her stretched out, used up, nappy, stinky, droopy, drippy, knee touching, wore out, pussy. End of rant!