I went to pizza hut this evening. The teenage waitress asked me for my order and I told her I wanted all the leftover stale bread and pizza slices that they were gonna throw in the trash to feed the raccoons. She said she didn’t know if she could legally give me their junk food and had to ask her manager. Meanwhile, I started to eye their really greasy, cob webbed hanging table lamp. I told her to please see what she could do. Meanwhile, I gathered all the cob webs hanging from the lamp up with my fork. It looked like angel hair pasta. I took the cheap napkin and poured ketchup on it and dipped my fork full of make believe food in it. The young girl came back just as I was about to nibble the nasty from my fork. She said that her manager wanted to know why I wanted the crap instead of ordering a pizza or something. I looked at her and said, “I am about to eat a greasy cobweb dipped in ketchup from a used napkin, because my stomach feels like my throat has been cut, and you ask me to justify my reasons to some snot nosed pothead still in high school. Tell him I am fucking hungry and poor, and if I can’t get those crusts to take home, my kid will starve for the third week in a row.” Well, the next thing I know, she is bringing me a large box filled with four pizzas, sixty bread sticks, a vat of pasta, and six two litter bottles of Pepsi. I told her I couldn’t pay for it. She said that was O.K.. It was the food that the manager was stealing for the keg party he had been on the phone planning all night. I asked her if he would notice it missing. Her answer was, “Not until he gets to the party and realizes I switched his box for the box of old pizza crusts and stale bread sticks.” We laughed, and went home and fed my family.