Let me tell you about how to lose weight as a waitress. First off, lose your job, then you will starve. Second, drink a lot of alcohol derivatives that you can’t afford. Things like mouthwash for breakfast, cough syrup before dinner, and cologne after. You can get coffee for free everyday while applying for a new job at every truck stop and breakfast joint within crawling distance. Just ask the idiot giving you the application for a hot cup of joe, a pen, and a tampon while you sit there to fill the application out. The tampon is just to remind him not to fuck with you because you’re premenstrual. Later on after drinking copious amounts of coffee it’s just a short crawl to the local bar where you can get a free soda by telling the bartender you are the designated driver. If you leave it on the bar unattended some unscrupulous crack head will drop a Roofie in it for you. Woo Hoo! A free high, and if your lucky a good lay you won’t have to remember in the morning. I’ve got this shit licked. I’m never going to work again.