I was at the restaurant today getting ready for our re-opening. You know, doing things like spraying the gum under the tables for roaches and ants. Anyway, we are not opened for the next two days. Mounted over the door is a big fat 8 ft. X 7 ft. sign that says so. I was inside minding my own business not expecting to be bothered when some fat bitch broke through the sign and squeezed her fat ass inside only to announce how hungry she was. I thought , how on earth could this bitch be hungry? She could live on her own fat stores for a century. If she were to go sun bathing on the beach the marine mammal conservancy would try to roll her back into the water. I noticed that when she waddled out to the dock the tide changed from her gravitational pull. I couldn’t see anything because she caused a total eclipse of the sun. I’m on a lot of drugs so naturally I thought I was dreaming and took another sip of bourbon and washed down a pain pill. Then I realized this woman was like the Kool Aid man. Only she had a mustache. I told her we were closed. This only served to enrage the beast. I bolted out the door and got into my truck. I tried to get away. She stomped in front of my truck. Oh Shit! My windshield shattered at the sight of her face. Then I ran out of gas swerving around this large Marge. I was saved from being crushed to death by the mountain of fat by a group of Inuits that harpooned her so that their village could eat for the next ten years. The only problem I have now is how to get the stain fuzzed out on Google earth.
2 Responses to ' Large And In CHarge. '
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on October 18th, 2008 at 3:54 pm
She is the walrus.
on November 12th, 2008 at 8:08 am
Oh, fat jokes. They never stop being funny!
Oh wait. Yes they do.