I went to a super bowl party yesterday all by myself. Actually I’m still celebrating. I have two mutts with me to keep me company. Anyway, I love myself and alcohol a lot so naturally I am having a super time. When is super bowl? Whatever. I just hope both teams lose. I fucking hate footsy ball. There is nothing like a bunch of closet fags tossing an inflated pig scrotum and slapping each other on the ass. I can’t even believe it’s a sport. Supposedly the commercials are supposed to be the best part of this sweaty nut sack event. Did any of the super bowl ads top the latest Stanley Steamer commercial? You know, the one where Toby the dog grinds his ass on the white carpet? Ahh whatever. I don’t even own a TV. I pawned it last week for 7 cases of beer so I could have a super bowl party. It’s working out great for me. I have a super sized bowl that I poured my beer into. The dogs and I have been drinking beer all night. I started drinking the beer in the conventional way by lifting the bowl to my mouth, but by sunrise I was kneeling beside the dogs lapping it out of the bowl. Of course after drinking all that beer I had to relieve myself. I sniffed around and found a fire hydrant, lifted my leg and peed. Unfortunately I forgot I was wearing pants. Then I chased a couple of cars. The only problem is the third one I chased was parked. I have got the worst headache. I got a little horny so I humped some dudes leg. Then I bit the mail man. Yes after hanging out with dogs all night I had a slight identity crisis. When I sober up I will just go back to being a bitch.
2 Responses to ' The Bowl Was Super. '
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on February 2nd, 2009 at 10:25 pm
drinking out of the toilet rocks… oh, that and licking your own bits! dogs do the most useful yoga ever!
on February 3rd, 2009 at 8:48 am
OMG, you had so much more fun than I did!