The Salvation Army didn’t embrace my perfectly good trash recliner today. How can such a huge organization of beggars be so picky? They walked into my trailer and simply ran out before I could even give a demonstration. All the cat hair made it real soft and multi-colored so it would match any decor. Maybe the turd that wedged itself between the cushion and arm rest was too much for them. Anyway I called the grumpy old hag at Salvation and told her that the guys wouldn’t take my recliner. She told me it was too dirty and appeared to have fecal remains on it. Then she started in about me not having the decency to at least have washed it first, bla bla bla. I told the old bitch that I couldn’t do that because it would have turned into mud, plus I didn’t want to drown out the litter of opossums living in it. The opossums keep it warm. Personally I didn’t want to get rid of my recliner, but on Thanksgiving, my young nephew gave it a vodka-cranberry vomit makeover, and since I’m allergic to cranberries I thought I’d give it to the Salvation Army. I would hate to be wasteful, considering so many people are less fortunate than I. Some people have to sit on opossums without arm rests.
2 Responses to ' Salvation Army Won’t Take My Shit. '
Leave a reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
on November 29th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
oppossum heating system. makes the ol’ “snuggie” sooooooo last season…
on December 14th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
lol. I have an old couch that I’m going to send off. Maybe. If they’ll take it…