Every fucking year my sons school forces him to make me a gift for Christmas. First off, the boy has never been able to cut out a circle, color inside the lines, or glue a cotton ball onto a piece of paper… on purpose anyway. He’s failed art class five years in a row. So you would think after all these years the fucking teachers would know the lack of creative talent my son employs. Last year he stuck already chewed cinnamon flavored gum to a piece of construction paper and called it “air freshener”. My car smelled like cinnamon ass for a month. For Mothers Day he wrapped up a couple of paper clips and called them “ear rings”. I had to be treated for tetanus after wearing them for a week. Year after year it’s the same thing..”mom they made me give you this shit” and I’m always like “oh for fuck sakes son just throw it in the burn pile”. Then he cries and bitches about how hard he worked on whatever piece of shit he gave me. Anyway, for almost a week I saw a crinkled mess of a gift under the tree for me. My boy taught the dog fetch with it. He also used it as a door stop a couple of times, so I knew this year wasn’t going to be any god damned different then prior ones. I was right. It was probably the best he’s ever done though. He’s becoming a regular prickasso. He made me what he called a “sand castle making kit”.
It should come in handy the next time I pass out on some ones beach and need something to do before the cops pick me up for trespassing. Again. I think this year he really tried so I’m proud of him.
10 Responses to ' Christmas Hates Me. '
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on December 26th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
awww…. that’s adorable. you can also re-purpose it as a “fuck it bucket”, and sit it on a counter and put all that stuff that you find lying on the floor that might be part of something important, so you can’t throw it away…
on December 27th, 2009 at 11:18 am
^LOL! Fuck it Bucket idea is PERFECT!
on December 27th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
What’s the fork for???
on December 27th, 2009 at 7:47 pm
Do what I do… take your kid out of school a day early so they can’t make ‘em do that shit! Saves me a hell of a lot of lying….
“Oh sweetie! Just what I needed. Another crappy paper decoration I can’t identify but just can’t live without!”
on December 27th, 2009 at 11:40 pm
Yea I guess that’s better then shoving the shit under my couch cushions. You’re a genius! or scientist, whichever. =)
on December 27th, 2009 at 11:41 pm
That’s not a fork, it’s a shovel.
on December 27th, 2009 at 11:45 pm
Daisy is a walking living breathing good idea in a Swiss army kind of way. She’s an all in one. She’s the George Foremen. Head over to her blog Bunny. You won’t regret it. =)
on December 27th, 2009 at 11:57 pm
Oh dear gawd he’s better off at school being babysat properly. Plus I need kinder for my burn pile. :0)
on December 28th, 2009 at 7:05 pm
You should try building a sand castle with that.
-Bella
The Bold Font
on December 30th, 2009 at 11:49 pm
There’s no sand here -Bella =(