I’ve not visited sobriety since Dec. 30th ‘09. Or was it Jan. 1st ‘10. Oh who am I kidding I was drunk at birth. When I staggered out of the womb and plopped onto the bar room floor I had my first cigarette. It was there on the floor where my mom had dropped it during her last contraction. After enjoying a good smoke I gnawed myself free from the afterbirth and headed to the crapper. I cleaned myself off and went back to the bar. I climbed up the leg of some hot dude who was talking to my mother. That’s where I fell in love with Dick. When I reached the top of the bar I screamed at my mother to let her know I was hungry. She had the bartender put some peanuts, pretzels, and a white Russian in a blender, pour it into a beer bottle, put a leaky condom on it and give it to me. My first diaper was a cocktail napkin. I have been drinking ever since. So when people say that I should make my new years resolution to quit drinking, I poo on my cocktail napkin and throw it at them. I think next year my resolution will be to try wearing big girl panties instead of paper products that advertise beer when I go out. At least until my clothes fall off. Happy New Beer!!!!!!
WOO HOO
OO
O O
O O
O
O
O
! THUD!!!!!
8 Responses to ' A New Beer Resolution. '
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on January 3rd, 2010 at 12:20 am
I’m surprised you didn’t develop a peanut allergy.
on January 3rd, 2010 at 11:01 am
big girl panties are over-rated. go commando. makes it easier to hit the urinal when you accidently wander into the mens room…
on January 3rd, 2010 at 12:25 pm
Happy New Beer darling, and hopes for many many more! BBx
on January 3rd, 2010 at 6:04 pm
I thought I said this but I’m surprised you didn’t get a peanut allergy
on January 3rd, 2010 at 6:27 pm
So. Jealous. I haven’t had one drop to drink (ok, ok–a sip of Merlot last night!) since CHRISTMAS FREAKING EVE due to my hinky gallbladder.
PS, Email me about the seeds….I cannot find an email for you here…..
on January 3rd, 2010 at 6:54 pm
Happy New Beer to ya!
I am unfamiliar with these ‘panties’ things you speak of.
I prefer the big mamma diapers (depends), you can drink and not waste precious time running to the bathroom.
on January 4th, 2010 at 9:13 pm
Beer, eh?
on January 4th, 2010 at 10:54 pm
Linlah, I’m only allergic to chocolate but that doesn’t stop me from shoving 8 candy bars in my face. The headache I get is similar to my hangovers.
Daisy I rarely go commando because my balls itch when they rest against my groin.
Beaver, same to you! =)
Linlah, I thought you said that too.
Bunny, I wouldn’t let a stinking gall bladder disease keep me from my beer. Get that thang taken out!
Crotchety, oh dear you are genius! I’ve had a coupon for these “Depends Undergarments”. I been saving it for when I turn 90 but now I’m going to go ahead and use it! Thanks.
Eat Me, Yea beer.