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	<title>Upset Waitress</title>
	<link>http://upsetwaitress.com</link>
	<description>Just slinging eggs</description>
	<lastBuildDate>Wed, 17 Feb 2010 13:55:57 +0000</lastBuildDate>
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	<language>en</language>
	
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		<title>Howdey!</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Ok I&#8217;m a bad blogger.  Like a severe case of herpes, I am back though.  My sudden absence was because I stupidly took on another job and simply didn&#8217;t have time for anything.  Luckily I got fired from my other job and I&#8217;m now down to just one.  I&#8217;ve been trying [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2010/02/17/howdey/</link>
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		<title>A Steaming 5lb. Pile Of Jaunita.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[
I don&#8217;t know what the hell this is, but it lives in my house and I named it.  I don&#8217;t get how she can take up my whole bed either.  It seems like only yesterday she found me and I had her balls cut off.
]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2010/01/12/a-steaming-5lb-pile-of-jaunita/</link>
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		<title>A New Beer Resolution.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I&#8217;ve not visited sobriety since Dec. 30th &#8216;09.  Or was it Jan. 1st &#8216;10. Oh who am I kidding I was drunk at birth. When I staggered out of the womb and plopped onto the bar room floor  I had my first cigarette. It was there on the floor where my mom had [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2010/01/02/a-new-beer-resolution/</link>
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		<title>Dung, Yarn, And Twigs.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Fucking Etsy.  If you don&#8217;t know what Etsy is, I&#8217;ll tell you.  It&#8217;s a place where hippies sell their handmade shit for a fortune.  Even with this failing economy, Charles Manson sells his pubic art and Pee Wee Herman sells his cum stained pocket socks for thousands of dollars.  That&#8217;s Etsy. [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/12/29/dung-yarn-and-twigs/</link>
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		<title>Christmas Hates Me.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Every fucking year my sons school forces him to make me a gift for Christmas.   First off, the boy has never been able to cut out a circle, color inside the lines, or glue a cotton ball onto a piece of paper&#8230; on purpose anyway.  He&#8217;s failed art class five years in [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/12/26/christmas-hates-me/</link>
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		<title>I&#8217;m Making Lung Cookies.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I am sick.  Not hungover sick either.   I got the fucking flu.  I don&#8217;t know if it&#8217;s bird flu, mad cow flu, swine flu, or some other barnyard animal flu, but I got it.  My body aches like a port-o-potty fell onto me which explains why I feel like shit. [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/12/23/im-making-lung-cookies/</link>
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		<title>Clean Up On Aisle 367,293</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I ran into a blog that took me to another blog that ran me into the wall.  Well really I stumbled into the wall.  Actually I didn&#8217;t stumble into the wall, I tripped over it.  Ahh fuck it who are you am we I kidding here, I use the wall like a [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/12/18/clean-up-on-aisle-367293/</link>
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		<title>I&#8217;m Going To Assinate All My Ex&#8217;s With These Treats.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[It&#8217;s that time of year where I get showered with the shittiest of shitty gifts.  Nothing says &#8220;I love you&#8221; like a used Q-Tip.  Which is pretty much what I consider this gift of cookies from a customer that hunted me down from a previous job only to have found me at my [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/12/16/im-going-to-assinate-all-my-exs-with-these-treats/</link>
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		<title>Pubic Hair Collecting.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[To the person that landed on my site using the search term waitress tube, please come back.  I believe I have what you were looking for now.  It took me two measly seconds all night to figure out that waitress tube is slang for Porn videos of Hooters girls.  Well I have [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/12/15/817/</link>
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		<title>It&#8217;s Not Delivery, It&#8217;s &#8220;Deliverence&#8221;</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I have a thing for Google&#8217;s shitty .blogspot sites on the internets.  Why?  Because I&#8217;m an online ass wipe.  Which brings me to a certain cooking blog I&#8217;ve been following where the author is a chef at the Waffle House or something.  In case you didn&#8217;t know already, waitresses and chefs [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/12/12/its-not-deliver-its-deliverence/</link>
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		<title>You Didnt Just Get Hit With An Ugly Stick, YOU GOT KNOCKED THE FUCK OUT!</title>
		<description><![CDATA[The next time any of you bitches are feeling sad and ugly just come back and refer to this entry.  I saw this on the television today.  It scared the fuck outta me and I would rather chase a fart through a box of razors before looking at this woman again.   [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/12/09/you-didnt-just-get-hit-with-an-ugly-stick-you-got-knocked-the-fuck-out/</link>
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		<title>Let Sleeping Tiger&#8217;s Lie.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Man.  Tiger Woods is fucking the ladies while on the sleeping drug Ambien.  I know guys get boners in their sleep and all but damn, Ambien is clearly giving Enzyte a run for it&#8217;s money. Ambien is probably the most powerful thing I&#8217;ve ever swallowed. And believe me, I have swallowed countless things. [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/12/08/let-sleeping-tigers-lie/</link>
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		<title>Christmas Cheer.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Christmas already?  Damn I need to get my trailer decorated and shit.  I bought some fake snow so I can vandalize Mr. Johnson&#8217;s brand new electric car, and his new kitten.  I&#8217;m too poor to buy a tree this year so I&#8217;m just gonna tape some bottle caps to my floor lamp. [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/12/06/christmas-cheer/</link>
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		<title>New Connections Job.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Well I landed a new job.  Again.  This time it&#8217;s at a place that has white table cloths and menu items that no drunk server can pronounce.  One thing I really like about this restaurant is that all of the staffers are more fucked up than me! If you can believe that. [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/12/05/new-connections-job/</link>
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		<title>Unique Baby Name.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I am FUCK pissed.  I spent my whole pregnancy choosing a super unique and easy to remember coolness of a name for my son.  I didn&#8217;t name him after a stupid fruit tree or landmark.  I certainly didn&#8217;t name him after a deep sea creature or planet.  Instead I gave him [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/11/29/unique-baby-name/</link>
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		<title>Salvation Army Won&#8217;t Take My Shit.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[The Salvation Army didn&#8217;t embrace my perfectly good trash recliner today.  How can such a huge organization of beggars be so picky?  They walked into my trailer and simply ran out before I could even give a demonstration.  All the cat hair made it real soft and multi-colored so it would match [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/11/28/salvation-army-wont-take-my-shit/</link>
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		<title>The Legs Are Tied Behind The Ass Skin.  It&#8217;s true!</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Gawd!  I hate Thanksgiving more and more every year.  Mr. Johnson is deep frying his turkey in his drive-way this year.  I hope the oil splashes on my trailer and burns it to the ground with my family in it.  My fat pig grandma assigned me to cook the turkey. Which [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/11/26/the-legs-are-tied-behind-the-ass-skin-its-true/</link>
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		<title>I Put A Spell On You.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[My duty as a baker has seen the light.   The bakery owner fired me for a few mistakes I made.  For instance, yesterday someone ordered a cake that was supposed to say  &#8220;Congratulations Fay&#8221; and I&#8217;m pretty sure that&#8217;s what I wrote, however the customer claimed it said &#8220;Congratulations Fag&#8221;.  [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/11/21/i-put-a-spell-on-you/</link>
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		<title>Beer, Candies, &amp; Hiding My Physical Image Day!</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Woohoo it&#8217;s Halloween.  I love Halloween!  Mainly because I get to dress up, get drunk, and legitimately act like a complete ass at other peoples houses.  Oh and I love candy!  My secret is to find a neighborhood that&#8217;s in the vicinity of a bar.  This year I&#8217;ve decided to [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/10/27/beer-candies-hiding-my-physical-image-day/</link>
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		<title>From Start To Fart.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[A family of retards got the whole country to watch a gigantic  floating Jiffy-Pop  for two hours.  When the drama was over, the mutants ended up on live TV and one of them ripped out a fart.  The next day it was all about projectile vomiting all over the set.  [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/10/17/from-start-to-fart/</link>
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		<title>DIY Doggie Door.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[What you&#8217;ll need:
Ladder
12 pack
Scissors or teeth, whichever one you have
Computer
A dog, racoon, or any other inside pet
To avoid being beaten to death from pissing on my floor, my smart pet gerbil, Jaunita,  started building her own gateway by chewing out a minature hole in the screen door.  I decided it would be best [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/10/12/diy-doggie-door/</link>
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		<title>Website Design Fail.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[The old theme finally went over to see Jesus.  To get this new theme I just downloaded the homeliest one I could find and plopped it on my server.  Now I just need some bells and whistles to keep you guys entertained.  Don&#8217;t be surprised if you roll your mouse over a [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/10/05/website-design-fail/</link>
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		<title>The Color Of Spam.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Fucking spammers.  What happened to the real spammers?   You know, the white slobs from the Florida trailer parks that used to push drugs, penis enlargers, and Mylee Cyrus fucking her dad?  It appears there aren&#8217;t human spammers anymore.  Instead it&#8217;s spam bots and they have been coming onto my blog [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/09/30/the-color-of-spam/</link>
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		<title>Flour Power.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Like I wanted, I got a job at a bakery, just not at the bakery I wanted.  The bakery where I&#8217;ll be working is very clean and sterile, and they don&#8217;t allow pets.  I guess that means they won&#8217;t have a rat problem which is something I&#8217;m not used to down here.  [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/09/20/flour-power/</link>
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		<title>Artsy Fartsy Shit.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I am not above taking pictures of artistic, glittery, and colorful crap that my dogs butt produces.  For those of you who&#8217;ve never met this tiny wonder, this is Jaunita and she&#8217;s got some talent.  She shamelessly shits in style and creates these pretty little packages that look like they came right out [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/09/10/artsy-fartsy-shit/</link>
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		<title>Half Baked</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I&#8217;m really trying to land a job at a bakery.   I fucking love to be baked, but I love baking stuff too.  Especially them inedible Christmas ornament thingies that are impossible to screw up.  Anyway, I had an interview today but I don&#8217;t think it went so well.  The owner [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/09/08/half-baked/</link>
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		<title>Drop Dead Ted.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Aside from cheating on his wife and murdering his mistress, a great statesman died last night. Brain cancer got him. I was wondering why he had such a meat head. Anyway, that&#8217;s two Kennedy&#8217;s this month. How many are left?  Nobody really knows at the rate they fucked around. Hell, at the rate I [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/08/26/drop-dead-ted/</link>
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		<title>Say Hello To My Little Friend.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I pretty much ditched all my so called whiny bitch friends (Needy Bastards). It just got to the point where I simply got sick of hearing, I need this, and will you do that? Then when I asked for something it was too much trouble for them. It wasn&#8217;t worth putting up with anymore.  [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/08/15/say-hello-to-my-little-friend/</link>
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		<title>If I Won The Lottery.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Once again I didn&#8217;t win the lottery.  Which pisses me off because I know some old cadaver will win!  It&#8217;s my dream to win though.  It would change my entire life around if I were to win.  I can see it now.  I would go up to get my giant [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/08/13/if-i-won-the-lottery/</link>
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		<title>Get With The Program.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Wow, The Learning Channel (TLC) has gone to shit.  Last night it was about little peoples and right now it&#8217;s about fat peoples.  All day it&#8217;s going to be episodes about some fat cow that lost 650lbs. and is still a virgin.  Seriously, this fatty is on all day.  What the [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/07/09/get-with-the-program/</link>
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		<title>Who Nose.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Being jobless and all leaves me lots of TV time.  I am super pissed that I can&#8217;t watch a fucking thing without seeing Michael Jackson&#8217;s weird ass face every couple of minutes.  I should be enjoying my TV time, not squinting and curling up in a ball hiding my face because I&#8217;m too [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/07/07/who-nose/</link>
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		<title>Ass Load Of Tricks.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Look at Jaunita all grown up. She&#8217;s five pounds and three ounces. I should stop feeding her fat ass. From puppy to  bitch I&#8217;ve taught her tons of tricks. She sits, lays, rolls over, speaks, fetches, and shits outside. She&#8217;s learned some tricks on her own too. Like when she&#8217;s on the carpet she [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/07/06/ass-load-of-tricks/</link>
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		<title>No Underpants, No Job.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I guess my white trash state of Florida had to implement a dress code for it&#8217;s state workers.  Workers must wear panties, deodorant, and cover up all wounds.  As far as the covering of wounds is concerned, I think it is a good idea because the last thing I want is for some [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/07/03/no-underpants-no-job/</link>
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		<title>wii ain&#8217;t getting along.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Looky at my new toy.  It&#8217;s a wii.  I got the wii fit as well.  It&#8217;s way different than my XBox.  My XBox never told me off because I didn&#8217;t spend enough time on it.  When I bought the wii I didn&#8217;t know I was spending $300 on a game [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/07/01/wii-aint-getting-along/</link>
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		<title>Buy Buy Billy.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Billy Mays is dead.  Now who&#8217;s going to sell us crap we don&#8217;t need.  I&#8217;m sure every pitchman in TV land will be attending the funeral though.  The Sham-Wow prick will be there selling coffin gloss.  Ronco will  handle the food at the wake so he can &#8220;set it and [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/06/29/buy-buy-billy/</link>
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		<title>Road Trip.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I&#8217;m planning a fishing trip up North.  Not sure how it will go since I don&#8217;t have a fishing rod or bait but I always remember to bring beer.  I&#8217;m a little leery going back because I was arrested up there twice before.  Not for anything serious, just parole violations and stuff. [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/06/29/road-trip/</link>
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		<title>:]</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I went job hunting yesterday.  Sunday is the best day to look for a job too.  The boss is either at church or spending time with his mistress which means I have a great chance of being called in for an interview. I&#8217;m thinking a job with benefits would be nice.  After [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/06/28/341/</link>
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		<title>Splish Splosh I Got Tossed.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I got fired from my job the other day.  My ex-boss is a total douche bag with a big twig up his ass.  Anyway, he said he had to let me go because their business insurance would go on the rise since I drink too much on the job.  What in the [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/06/27/splish-splosh-i-got-tossed/</link>
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		<title>Of Course Knot.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I went golfing for the first time the other day.  It was so boring whacking at a ball then going to look for it.  I really liked the golf cart though.  It was fun driving drunk on a beautiful lawn without getting arrested.   The activity level wasn&#8217;t a fat burner [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/06/27/of-course-knot/</link>
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		<title>Michael Jackson Beat It.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[>Or should I say Michael Jackson bit it?  Whatever, I just hope all that plastic can be recycled into Lego&#8217;s.  That way the kids can play with him for a change.  I doubt that will happen though.  He will most likely be a pedistal beneath an undermount sink. I doubt they [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/06/26/michael-jackson-beat-it/</link>
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		<title>The Death Of A Domain.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[My domain is about to expire here.  Since I&#8217;m no longer a waitress I might let it expire.  Or not.  Maybe.  It&#8217;s just getting hard for me to keep up with because I&#8217;m always either in jail or rehab.  Which sucks because they don&#8217;t have the internets in our local [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/05/25/the-death-of-a-domain/</link>
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		<title>What A Way To Go.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I was working today and some guy came in coughing his ass off.  I thought the fucker had TB. I told him not to get close to me and to go die in another bar. He told me that I was being rude. Of course I laughed, as if I were satan ripping the [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/04/21/what-a-way-to-go/</link>
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		<title>Finger This.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[It is official. I am starting to get old. I was having pain in my hand every time I would flip someone off. I went to the doctor and he said I had the early onset of arthritis. I gave him the bird and screamed, &#8220;Ow!!!!&#8221; He told me I was going to have to [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/04/14/finger-this/</link>
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		<title>What A Snot.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[One of my customers gave me a tip the other day. Unfortunately he gave me the worst most disgusting cold I have had in years. That&#8217;s what I get for not noticing he used his hands for a snot rag. I have had to trade my daily diet pill for a cold pill and an [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/04/07/what-a-snot/</link>
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		<title>I&#8217;m Bah ack.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Some of you may have noticed I have been absent for a while and missed me. Others of you may have been celebrating my demise. Sorry to disappoint those of you who are partying and getting high on pills without me because I was gone. I&#8217;m back. I have been on the mother of all [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/04/03/im-bah-ack/</link>
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		<title>Oh No You Didn&#8217;t.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Have you ever seen a tv stand? I am sure almost all of you have just answered that question in the affirmative. You are wrong. Yes you are. Quit arguing with me or I&#8217;ll kick your butt. I know for a fact you have never seen a tv stand. Just like you have never watched [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/03/17/oh-no-you-didnt/</link>
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		<title>Springs Broke.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I hate Spring break. All day long I have to deal with obnoxious drunk teenagers armed with their parents credit cards and retarded genes. For some odd reason, these idiot children think they are special and that the rest of us are here to cater to their every whim. I am constantly arguing with them [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/03/17/springs-broke/</link>
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		<title>I Ain&#8217;t Keen On Green.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Everyone&#8217;s getting ready for this March Madness crap again.  Seems like it happens every year or something.  Anyway, drunk patrons are hanging cardboard clovers all over the walls and windows of the bar.  Some regular lush brought me a green shirt and top hat to wear on the 17th.  I don&#8217;t [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/03/12/i-aint-keen-on-green/</link>
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		<title>Natural Born Hater.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I&#8217;m trying to hate my new job and new boss.  It&#8217;s been a challenge though.  I&#8217;m just looking for things to hate at this point.  Like last night I went off on a drunk for tipping me in one dollar bills. I promptly pointed out all of the exit signs to him [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/03/11/natural-born-hater/</link>
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		<title>Forget Me Not.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I had to work some kind of alzheimers function today.  It so happens I forgot to show up to work.  I had a good excuse, but I forgot what it was. As it turned out, I wasn&#8217;t the only one late. Apparently no one else remembered they were even supposed to be there. [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/03/07/forget-me-not/</link>
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		<title>Intellectual Crap.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[My douche bag neighbor decided to post this stupid sign out in front of our house.  It just so happens I let my dog shit where ever she dammed well pleases.  I don&#8217;t see the point of wrapping up a biodegradable piece of crap in a plastic baggy that will never go away, [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/03/03/intellectual-crap/</link>
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		<title>Fresh Breast Of Coffee.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Some place in the Arctic opened up a topless coffee bar using boobage to stimulate the economy.  It&#8217;s somewhere in Maine I think.  You know, where the average body weight is something like 350lbs which is equal to 17 computer desks.  Fatso&#8217;s up there.  Anyway, I guess 9$ for a cup [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/02/28/fresh-breast-of-coffee/</link>
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		<title>Nix The Boss.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[My vacation is almost over.  Since I fired myself I have had a lot of thinking and drinking time.  I won&#8217;t miss that shit hole restaurant or the boss that screamed my name like he&#8217;s being murdered.  Four long years I worked for that fat asshole.    He has the [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/02/24/nix-the-boss/</link>
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		<title>No Monkey Business.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Damn some woman was pretty much eaten alive by a doped up chimpanzee the other day.  The ape was having a mood swing so his caretaker gave him a xanax and the keys to her car. So he did what every ape dreams to do.  He went ape-shit and chewed the face off [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/02/19/no-monkey-business/</link>
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		<title>Wanted:  Dead Or Alive.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Don&#8217;t piss off the internets.  I was hanging out online pretty much all day yesterday and had my eye on this controversial  video.  Two punk kids beat the hell out of a fluffy cat named Dusty then uploaded it to You Tube.  LOLcats.com shit furballs.  Anyway, I had the UNpleasure [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/02/16/wanted-dead-or-alive/</link>
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		<title>Love Stinks.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I am supposed to go get drunk with a fellow blogger on Saturday then it just donned on me that Saturday is Valentines day.  After our drunk I suppose I will have to go find the border and take my old man out for dinner to Taco Bell.  It&#8217;s his favorite place because [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/02/12/love-stinks/</link>
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		<title>A Sob With With No Job.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I am still on my vacation.  I could sure get used to this.  I haven&#8217;t done shit these past couple of weeks.  Well accept go to every bar in South Florida.  At least twice.  Speaking of twice, I did get arrested twice.  Once for showing my boobs near a [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/02/10/a-sob-with-with-no-job/</link>
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		<title>Free Should Have A Warning Label.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[O.K. last Sunday Denny&#8217;s restaurant gave out free breakfast from 6am until 2pm, or free diarrhea from 3:30 pm until midnight. Depending on how you look at it.  I think free is cool, especially if the food is shitty, but I would never wait in a line with a hundred cheap assholes or emaciated [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/02/07/free-should-have-a-warning-label/</link>
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		<title>Mutiples Of Stupid.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[So some young dumb unemployed woman, already a mother of six brats, decided to have a litter of eight more. She wants a job as a child care expert on T.V.  The woman is fucking nuts. Not to mention rude. I think we should all get together and kick her ass. In case you [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/02/04/mutiples-of-stupid/</link>
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		<title>The Bowl Was Super.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I went to a super bowl party yesterday all by myself.  Actually I&#8217;m still celebrating.  I have two mutts with me to keep me company.  Anyway, I love myself and alcohol a lot so naturally I am having a super time.  When is super bowl?  Whatever.  I just hope [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/02/02/the-bowl-was-super/</link>
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		<title>Alcoholics Dream Job.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Well I finally got a new job.  What&#8217;s worse then waitressing?  Bartending.  I landed a gig at a local watering hole.  Last time I was there I lost my pants and danced like an asshole so I&#8217;m surprised they hired me. Maybe that&#8217;s why I was hired.  Anyway, the best [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/01/30/alcoholics-dream-job/</link>
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		<title>End Of An Era.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Today was my last day.  It was great in my eyes.  I closed down the closest bar and stumbled in to work.  I brewed what I thought was coffee, filled up what I thought was the ice bin, and set out on the tables what I thought was creamers.  My new [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/01/24/end-of-an-era/</link>
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		<title>A Day Of Drama.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I guess Ted Kennedy&#8217;s piñata of a head is only going to get even larger with that tumor growing up in there.  You guessed it, sympathy wasn&#8217;t my gut reaction when I heard about the rock formation in his brain. All I could think about was, what really happened to what&#8217;s her name. I&#8217;m [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/01/22/a-day-of-drama/</link>
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		<title>Where Will He Go?</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I think my boss is being forced to retire. I found a brochure on  real estate in his box of things he was moving out of the office from the restaurant. I questioned him about it, but he just snarled at me and said, &#8220;Do you think anyone is going to hire a sixty [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/01/20/where-will-he-go/</link>
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		<title>They Sold My Job.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[My boss was kicked out after 12 long years.  He took a shit hole and turned it into a functional well lubed shit hole and for the next two weeks he will be helping with the inauguration of the new ass in charge of the hole.  I might or might not be able [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/01/20/they-sold-my-job/</link>
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		<title>When Good Nuts Go Bad.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[ I can finally give a legitimate reason for not sucking my old mans nuts. Nuts are bad for you MMMkay. Sure many people have developed allergies to nuts in recent years for some inexplicable reason. Now they are just poison. People are in danger of starving to death because I guess peanuts have contaminated [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/01/19/when-good-nuts-go-bad/</link>
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		<title>D.C. Give It Back To Columbia.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I saw on the news today an army of portable shitters lined up to engage war against all the onlookers asses attending the inauguration.  I say that&#8217;s a bunch of shit.  1.5 to 3 million people are expected to be there and only 5000  shitters are in place? They will be full [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/01/17/dc-give-it-back-to-columbia/</link>
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		<title>An Apple A Day&#8230;</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Something&#8217;s going on with Steve Jobs again.  I would totally think this guy is a hypochondriac  accept he really does look like an AIDS victim .  Maybe that&#8217;s why Apple came out with that Mac Air?  All thin and emaciated just like it&#8217;s maker?  Leave it to a sixty pound [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/01/17/an-apple-a-day/</link>
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		<title>Fly Me A River.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I&#8217;m so glad I don&#8217;t fly.  Yesterdays event in New York is just one reason I won&#8217;t board a plane.  Besides crashing and burning to my death, I just don&#8217;t see me stuck in mid air with a bunch of retards sitting near me.  I am sickened at the thought of complete [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/01/16/fly-me-a-river/</link>
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		<title>Drinking And Driving.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[My kid hates me again!  He&#8217;s all mad because I wouldn&#8217;t let him drive.  Last time I let him drive, he took me to the wrong bar.  That time I forgave him because after all he&#8217;s only ten years old.  The other day I let him drive me around partying and [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/01/11/drinking-and-driving/</link>
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		<title>I Caught A Bug.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I&#8217;ve been doing a lot of gardening as a source of therapy these days.  It really sucks because all these yummy looking  bugs have suddenly come my way.  On one of my flowery plants there are these juicy juice looking thingies.  They look like living Starburst candy to me.  Anyway [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/01/06/i-caught-a-bug/</link>
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		<title>Mean Girls.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[The new girl worked her first day at the hole of hell.  It was fun for me.  Wait, wait, just wait, here it comes.  She fits!!!  Literally, she fits into this place that practically only an anorexic stick on diet pills can work.  She was like a little piece of [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/01/06/mean-girls/</link>
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		<title>Welcome To My World.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Well my blogger friend is finally getting settled into the island life.  I&#8217;ve been on my best behavior thus far by only drinking at work and such.  It&#8217;s not like I shoot up at work, but still, she&#8217;s probably freaking out about our lax lifestyles in these parts.  When she visits me [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/01/01/welcome-to-my-world/</link>
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		<title>Jaunita Mi Perro es una Buena Chica.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Nothing is cuter then Jaunita Maria Anita Rosa Lopez.  My son brought home a baby bunny, which I laid out moth traps to rid it, finally I clubbed it to death for even attempting to be cuter then Juanita.  Anyway, my puppy is so cute she can do no wrong.  It was [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/12/31/jaunita-mi-perro-es-una-buena-chica/</link>
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		<title>Ship It. Then Me.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I thank God and E-bay that I have finished all of my holiday shopping. I never once had to go to the mall or Walmart. No one trampled me, stabbed me, or shot me. I only had to go to one store and by the time they find out that all my checks are rubber, [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/12/17/ship-it-then-me/</link>
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	<item>
		<title>Playing Dressup.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I am going to rave about my iphone again!  I have turned this bad girl into a wireless router and am using it as my official internet connection too.  My whole house is now under its control.  It&#8217;s like the swiss army tool of technology.  It&#8217;s just too cool.  I [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/12/13/playing-dressup/</link>
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	<item>
		<title>My Newest iToy.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I got an early Christmas present today from the bossman. It&#8217;s not a bird. It&#8217;s not a plane.  It&#8217;s an iPhone.   Even Chuck Norris doesn&#8217;t have the powers this cool gadget has.  My new toy puts the Krypt in Ite. This is the most functional bundle I&#8217;ve ever fingered. It even [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/12/05/my-newest-itoy/</link>
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		<title>It&#8217;s Crappy.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I didn&#8217;t make much money today and I totally blame it on the weather.  It&#8217;s super cold down here.  Somewhere around 57 degrees or something.  I don&#8217;t know, it&#8217;s too cold to see the weather channel.   Anyway it&#8217;s hard to waitress in long johns, leg warmers, a trench coat, oven [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/12/05/its-crappy/</link>
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		<title>It Followed Me Home.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I got a new pet the other day.  It was a reject gift from a customer that was none too sad about giving a puppy to me.  Well I think it&#8217;s a puppy.  Anyway, whatever it is it&#8217;s really small.  When I brought it home it tripped over a flea.  [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/12/03/it-followed-me-home/</link>
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		<title>My New Dog?</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I need to come up with a plan to keep my new puppy, Juanita Maria Anita Rosa Lopez Conseco,  safe from household predators.  She really really likes my  furniture, especially the couch, so she protects it like it&#8217;s  some kind of black pearl or something.  Anyway, she fought the dust [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/12/03/my-new-dog/</link>
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		<title>Where Did They Come From?</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I don&#8217;t get it, New yorkers are so fricking loud and obnoxious.  Especially at the table.  It&#8217;s like they all have hearing problems and have to speak like that weird midget dude from the Wizard of Oz. The only thing worse than a group New yorkers at the table are New Yorkers moving [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/12/02/where-did-they-come-from/</link>
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		<title>Creative Leftovers.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I hate to waste food and this holiday brings out the waste in us.  Waste is everywhere.  Well this year I was determined not to waste anything.  My son used the leftover cranberry sauce for a school project.  He diluted the purple crap til it became a pale pink and made [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/12/02/creative-leftovers/</link>
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		<title>Flash Gordons.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Well it must be that time of year again. I don&#8217;t mean the holidays. I mean tourist season. Everywhere I turn I am blinded by the flash from these peoples damned digital cameras. Is it truly necessary to take a picture of every McDonalds you fucking eat at while you&#8217;re on vacation? These idiots stop [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/12/01/flash-gordons/</link>
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		<title>Worst Artists Cd Grave.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I got really drunk yesterday and was trying to figure out what to do with my old cds.  Anyway, I thought I might try to regift the used cd&#8217;s  this Christmas. Then it occurred to me that most people don&#8217;t like the same music that I do. So I thought perhaps I could [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/11/28/worst-artists-cd-grave/</link>
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		<title>Ungrateful Child Makes Me Thankful.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[It&#8217;s November and apparently I&#8217;m supposed to be thankful this month.  The Mayflower people said so.  Anyway, I really am appreciative of  a lot of things.  For example, I&#8217;m super gracious that my fat bitch neighbor pays for cable.  I steal her cable and that makes me thankful that I [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/11/28/ungrateful-child-makes-me-thankful/</link>
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		<title>Stick It.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I was using my digital camera the other day and I ran out of memory. I told my old man that I wanted a new memory stick for Christmas. He snickered, pulled down his pants, and said here you go. Here is a stick you won&#8217;t forget. I promptly smacked his left testicle. He hit [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/11/28/stick-it/</link>
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		<title>Another Fowl Day.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[It&#8217;s another food holiday already.  I&#8217;ve got so many cavities from last Easter as it is. Not to mention I broke a tooth on last years candy canes.  Anyway, at least Thanksgiving isn&#8217;t about candy.  It&#8217;s about gravy.  It&#8217;s about shoving food up a turkeys ass before consuming it.  It&#8217;s [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/11/24/another-fowl-day/</link>
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		<title>Automotive Speedo.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[The new Smart Car is a tiny little thingie. It&#8217;s like a Tic Tac on wheels. They say it is very fuel efficient. It gets thirty-three miles to the gallon.  The motor is about the size of my ipod nano.   Anyway, I saw one for sale on ebay for eleven thousand dollars. [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/11/22/automotive-speedo/</link>
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		<title>Rico Coffee.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I went to get a passport yesterday which was a complete waste of time.  They made it impossible for me to leave my little island.  It was like getting home owner insurance in the hurricane capitol of the world.  First they gave me this book to fill out.  It asked questions [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/11/11/rico-coffee/</link>
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		<title>Can You Here Me Now?</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I&#8217;ve seen this little gif thingy all over the net for a while now.  Isn&#8217;t it cute?  It&#8217;s even funnier without the audio.  Even deaf people can understand what this funny guy is saying.  And one thing I can&#8217;t stand is people, but the deaf ones really piss me off. It [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/11/05/can-you-here-me-now/</link>
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		<title>My Face Gave Birth.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[After two months off I went back to work today.  It was an involuntary two months off, but hey, that suspension was the best vacation I&#8217;ve had in years.  Anyway, I grew a zit like 2 minutes after I walked in the door.  I couldn&#8217;t concentrate on serving anyone with an extra [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/10/24/my-face-gave-birth/</link>
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		<title>Playing Safe.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[The best thing about online sex is you don&#8217;t have to take your monitor out on a date, unless of course you are one of those cheap skates that uses cyber cafes or libraries to get on the net.  If you are one of those, then yes, you&#8217;ll have to hook up at Starbucks [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/10/24/playing-safe/</link>
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		<title>Now You See Me Now You Don&#8217;t.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I recently heard that among other things people are starting to have problems with are diet pills. They are taking them for fun instead of what they are intended for. I cannot imagine what on earth the thrill would be. I hear that they are taking these pills and drinking red bull because it gives [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/10/22/now-you-see-me-now-you-dont/</link>
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		<title>Hollow Weenie.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[It&#8217;s that time of year again.  You know, where you can dress up like a total freak and knock on strangers doors asking them for something sweet to eat for free.  Sometimes I get lucky and an old douche bag gives me a quarter.  When I&#8217;m all done I usually go home [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/10/22/hollow-weenie/</link>
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		<title>Natural Selection.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I&#8217;m broke as a joke and needed to score a few bucks quick.  I went to the blood bank to excrete some of my plasma but they weren&#8217;t giving out cash today.  Instead they were giving out free tickets to some bowling alley 300 miles away.  So I went to the bar [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/10/19/natural-selection/</link>
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		<title>Large And In CHarge.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I was at the restaurant today getting ready for our re-opening.  You know, doing things like spraying the gum under the tables for roaches and ants.  Anyway, we are not opened for the next two days.  Mounted over the door is a big fat 8 ft. X 7 ft.  sign that [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/10/18/large-and-in-charge/</link>
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	<item>
		<title>Stink Fingers.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[So I understand it&#8217;s Global Hand Washing Day (GHWD) today.  This day doesn&#8217;t really count if you have a home with a clean sink and a grocery store near by.  This movement targets the countries that suffer the most diarrhoeal diseases.  You know, the poor countries that have contaminated H20(mainly in Africa). [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/10/16/stink-fingers/</link>
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		<title>Destructive Behavior.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[There goes hurricane Omar.   Bye bye.  It&#8217;s been three years and not one good blow-job has come to my town.  The hurricane center has been telling me for the past three or four years that we are in for the &#8220;Big One&#8221;.  What a bunch of goddam liars.  It&#8217;s [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/10/16/destructive-behavior/</link>
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	<item>
		<title>The Thing You Find.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I was going through my closet today and I found a rum stained towel, or something that rhymes with rum, and an ash tray from a  hotel. I vaguely remember spending a few nights in Vegas but I thought it was all a bad dream. I dug a little deeper in the closet and [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/10/14/272/</link>
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	<item>
		<title>Home Sweet Home?</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Believe it or not in todays housing market people are still trying to get top dollar for rentals. I was looking for a night time job in the newspaper, but all I could find was a thousand listings of places for rent. I was amazed at how much everyone was asking. Some of them weren&#8217;t [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/10/12/home-sweet-home/</link>
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