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	<title>Upset Waitress</title>
	<link>http://upsetwaitress.com</link>
	<description>Just slinging eggs</description>
	<lastBuildDate>Sat, 04 Jul 2009 02:40:57 +0000</lastBuildDate>
	<docs>http://backend.userland.com/rss092</docs>
	<language>en</language>
	
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		<title>No Underpants, No Job.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I guess my white trash state of Florida had to implement a dress code for it&#8217;s state workers.  Workers must wear panties, deodorant, and cover up all wounds.  As far as the covering of wounds is concerned, I think it is a good idea because the last thing I want is for some [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/07/03/no-underpants-no-job/</link>
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		<title>wii ain&#8217;t getting along.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Looky at my new toy.  It&#8217;s a wii.  I got the wii fit as well.  It&#8217;s way different than my XBox.  My XBox never told me off because I didn&#8217;t spend enough time on it.  When I bought the wii I didn&#8217;t know I was spending $300 on a game [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/07/01/wii-aint-getting-along/</link>
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		<title>Buy Buy Billy.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Billy Mays is dead.  Now who&#8217;s going to sell us crap we don&#8217;t need.  I&#8217;m sure every pitchman in TV land will be attending the funeral though.  The Sham-Wow prick will be there selling coffin gloss.  Ronco will  handle the food at the wake so he can &#8220;set it and [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/06/29/buy-buy-billy/</link>
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		<title>Road Trip.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I&#8217;m planning a fishing trip to the Outer Banks.  Not sure how it will go since I don&#8217;t have a fishing rod or bait but I always remember to bring beer.  I&#8217;m a little leery going back because I was arrested up there twice before.  Not for anything serious, just parole violations [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/06/29/road-trip/</link>
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		<title>:]</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I went job hunting yesterday.  Sunday is the best day to look for a job too.  The boss is either at church or spending time with his mistress which means I have a great chance of being called in for an interview. I&#8217;m thinking a job with benefits would be nice.  After [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/06/28/341/</link>
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		<title>Splish Splosh I Got Tossed.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I got fired from my job the other day.  My ex-boss is a total douche bag with a big twig up his ass.  Anyway, he said he had to let me go because their business insurance would go on the rise since I drink too much on the job.  What in the [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/06/27/splish-splosh-i-got-tossed/</link>
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		<title>Of Course Knot.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I went golfing for the first time the other day.  It was so boring whacking at a ball then going to look for it.  I really liked the golf cart though.  It was fun driving drunk on a beautiful lawn without getting arrested.   The activity level wasn&#8217;t a fat burner [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/06/27/of-course-knot/</link>
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		<title>Michael Jackson Beat It.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[>Or should I say Michael Jackson bit it?  Whatever, I just hope all that plastic can be recycled into Lego&#8217;s.  That way the kids can play with him for a change.  I doubt that will happen though.  He will most likely be a pedistal beneath an undermount sink. I doubt they [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/06/26/michael-jackson-beat-it/</link>
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		<title>The Death Of A Domain.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[My domain is about to expire here.  Since I&#8217;m no longer a waitress I might let it expire.  Or not.  Maybe.  It&#8217;s just getting hard for me to keep up with because I&#8217;m always either in jail or rehab.  Which sucks because they don&#8217;t have the internets in our local [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/05/25/the-death-of-a-domain/</link>
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		<title>What A Way To Go.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I was working today and some guy came in coughing his ass off.  I thought the fucker had TB. I told him not to get close to me and to go die in another bar. He told me that I was being rude. Of course I laughed, as if I were satan ripping the [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/04/21/what-a-way-to-go/</link>
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		<title>Social Inbred.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[It&#8217;s time to bash an internets con.  There happens to be a mooligan using one of my fellow bloggers name on Twitter and other social sites.  This stupid ass likes to write about trios that eat each other out in restaurants and stuff.  In Mytrle beach it&#8217;s a real popular sex act [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/04/21/social-inbred/</link>
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		<title>Finger This.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[It is official. I am starting to get old. I was having pain in my hand every time I would flip someone off. I went to the doctor and he said I had the early onset of arthritis. I gave him the bird and screamed, &#8220;Ow!!!!&#8221; He told me I was going to have to [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/04/14/finger-this/</link>
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		<title>What A Snot.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[One of my customers gave me a tip the other day. Unfortunately he gave me the worst most disgusting cold I have had in years. That&#8217;s what I get for not noticing he used his hands for a snot rag. I have had to trade my daily diet pill for a cold pill and an [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/04/07/what-a-snot/</link>
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		<title>I&#8217;m Bah ack.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Some of you may have noticed I have been absent for a while and missed me. Others of you may have been celebrating my demise. Sorry to disappoint those of you who are partying and getting high on pills trying to find the perfect diet supplementwithout me because I was gone. I&#8217;m back. I have [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/04/03/im-bah-ack/</link>
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		<title>Oh No You Didn&#8217;t.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Have you ever seen a tv stand? I am sure almost all of you have just answered that question in the affirmative. You are wrong. Yes you are. Quit arguing with me or I&#8217;ll kick your butt. I know for a fact you have never seen a tv stand. Just like you have never watched [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/03/17/oh-no-you-didnt/</link>
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		<title>Springs Broke.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I hate Spring break. All day long I have to deal with obnoxious drunk teenagers armed with their parents credit cards and retarded genes. For some odd reason, these idiot children think they are special and that the rest of us are here to cater to their every whim. I am constantly arguing with them [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/03/17/springs-broke/</link>
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		<title>I Ain&#8217;t Keen On Green.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Everyone&#8217;s getting ready for this March Madness crap again.  Seems like it happens every year or something.  Anyway, drunk patrons are hanging cardboard clovers all over the walls and windows of the bar.  Some regular lush brought me a green shirt and top hat to wear on the 17th.  I don&#8217;t [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/03/12/i-aint-keen-on-green/</link>
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		<title>Natural Born Hater.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I&#8217;m trying to hate my new job and new boss.  It&#8217;s been a challenge though.  I&#8217;m just looking for things to hate at this point.  Like last night I went off on a drunk for tipping me in one dollar bills. I promptly pointed out all of the exit signs to him [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/03/11/natural-born-hater/</link>
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		<title>Forget Me Not.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I had to work some kind of alzheimers function today.  It so happens I forgot to show up to work.  I had a good excuse, but I forgot what it was. As it turned out, I wasn&#8217;t the only one late. Apparently no one else remembered they were even supposed to be there. [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/03/07/forget-me-not/</link>
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		<title>My New Toy.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[After a hard day of drinking I decided to go to the bar for a drink. While sipping from a bottle of whiskey, I noticed an inflatable Budweiser boat complete with scantily clad girls and the name of the bar on it. I told the bartender I wanted to buy it. He said, &#8220;You can&#8217;t [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/03/06/my-new-toy/</link>
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		<title>Intellectual Crap.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[My douche bag neighbor decided to post this stupid sign out in front of our house.  It just so happens I let my dog shit where ever she dammed well pleases.  I don&#8217;t see the point of wrapping up a biodegradable piece of crap in a plastic baggy that will never go away, [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/03/03/intellectual-crap/</link>
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		<title>Fresh Breast Of Coffee.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Some place in the Arctic opened up a topless coffee bar using boobage to stimulate the economy.  It&#8217;s somewhere in Maine I think.  You know, where the average body weight is something like 350lbs which is equal to 17 computer desks.  Fatso&#8217;s up there.  Anyway, I guess 9$ for a cup [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/02/28/fresh-breast-of-coffee/</link>
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		<title>Nix The Boss.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[My vacation is almost over.  Since I fired myself I have had a lot of thinking and drinking time.  I won&#8217;t miss that shit hole restaurant or the boss that screamed my name like he&#8217;s being murdered.  Four long years I worked for that fat asshole.    He has the [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/02/24/nix-the-boss/</link>
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		<title>No Monkey Business.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Damn some woman was pretty much eaten alive by a doped up chimpanzee the other day.  The ape was having a mood swing so his caretaker gave him a xanax and the keys to her car. So he did what every ape dreams to do.  He went ape-shit and chewed the face off [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/02/19/no-monkey-business/</link>
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		<title>Wanted:  Dead Or Alive.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Don&#8217;t piss off the internets.  I was hanging out online pretty much all day yesterday and had my eye on this controversial  video.  Two punk kids beat the hell out of a fluffy cat named Dusty then uploaded it to You Tube.  LOLcats.com shit furballs.  Anyway, I had the UNpleasure [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/02/16/wanted-dead-or-alive/</link>
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		<title>Love Stinks.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I am supposed to go get drunk with RG on Saturday then it just donned on me that Saturday is Valentines day.  After our drunk I suppose I will have to go find the border and take my old man out for dinner to Taco Bell.  It&#8217;s his favorite place because they give [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/02/12/love-stinks/</link>
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		<title>A Sob With With No Job.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I am still on my vacation.  I could sure get used to this.  I haven&#8217;t done shit these past couple of weeks.  Well accept go to every bar in South Florida.  At least twice.  Speaking of twice, I did get arrested twice.  Once for showing my boobs near a [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/02/10/a-sob-with-with-no-job/</link>
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		<title>Free Should Have A Warning Label.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[O.K. last Sunday Denny&#8217;s restaurant gave out free breakfast from 6am until 2pm, or free diarrhea from 3:30 pm until midnight. Depending on how you look at it.  I think free is cool, especially if the food is shitty, but I would never wait in a line with a hundred cheap assholes or emaciated [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/02/07/free-should-have-a-warning-label/</link>
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		<title>Mutiples Of Stupid.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[So some young dumb unemployed woman, already a mother of six brats, decided to have a litter of eight more. She wants a job as a child care expert on T.V.  The woman is fucking nuts. Not to mention rude. I think we should all get together and kick her ass. In case you [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/02/04/mutiples-of-stupid/</link>
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		<title>The Bowl Was Super.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I went to a super bowl party yesterday all by myself.  Actually I&#8217;m still celebrating.  I have two mutts with me to keep me company.  Anyway, I love myself and alcohol a lot so naturally I am having a super time.  When is super bowl?  Whatever.  I just hope [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/02/02/the-bowl-was-super/</link>
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		<title>Alcoholics Dream Job.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Well I finally got a new job.  What&#8217;s worse then waitressing?  Bartending.  I landed a gig at a local watering hole.  Last time I was there I lost my pants and danced like an asshole so I&#8217;m surprised they hired me. Maybe that&#8217;s why I was hired.  Anyway, the best [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/01/30/alcoholics-dream-job/</link>
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		<title>End Of An Era.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Today was my last day.  It was great in my eyes.  I closed down the closest bar and stumbled in to work.  I brewed what I thought was coffee, filled up what I thought was the ice bin, and set out on the tables what I thought was creamers.  My new [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/01/24/end-of-an-era/</link>
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		<title>A Day Of Drama.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I guess Ted Kennedy&#8217;s piñata of a head is only going to get even larger with that tumor growing up in there.  You guessed it, sympathy wasn&#8217;t my gut reaction when I heard about the rock formation in his brain. All I could think about was, what really happened to what&#8217;s her name. I&#8217;m [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/01/22/a-day-of-drama/</link>
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		<title>Where Will He Go?</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I think my boss is being forced to retire. I found a brochure on Wilmington NC real estate in his box of things he was moving out of the office from the restaurant. I questioned him about it, but he just snarled at me and said, &#8220;Do you think anyone is going to hire a [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/01/20/where-will-he-go/</link>
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		<title>They Sold My Job.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[My boss was kicked out after 12 long years.  He took a shit hole and turned it into a functional well lubed shit hole and for the next two weeks he will be helping with the inauguration of the new ass in charge of the hole.  I might or might not be able [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/01/20/they-sold-my-job/</link>
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		<title>When Good Nuts Go Bad.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[ I can finally give a legitimate reason for not sucking my old mans nuts. Nuts are bad for you MMMkay. Sure many people have developed allergies to nuts in recent years for some inexplicable reason. Now they are just poison. People are in danger of starving to death because I guess peanuts have contaminated [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/01/19/when-good-nuts-go-bad/</link>
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		<title>D.C. Give It Back To Columbia.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I saw on the news today an army of portable shitters lined up to engage war against all the onlookers asses attending the inauguration.  I say that&#8217;s a bunch of shit.  1.5 to 3 million people are expected to be there and only 5000  shitters are in place? They will be full [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/01/17/dc-give-it-back-to-columbia/</link>
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		<title>An Apple A Day&#8230;</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Something&#8217;s going on with Steve Jobs again.  I would totally think this guy is a hypochondriac  accept he really does look like an AIDS victim on Fenphedra.  Maybe that&#8217;s why Apple came out with that Mac Air?  All thin and emaciated just like it&#8217;s maker?  leave it to a sixty [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/01/17/an-apple-a-day/</link>
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		<title>Fly Me A River.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I&#8217;m so glad I don&#8217;t fly.  Yesterdays event in New York is just one reason I won&#8217;t board a plane.  Besides crashing and burning to my death, I just don&#8217;t see me stuck in mid air with a bunch of retards sitting near me.  I am sickened at the thought of complete [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/01/16/fly-me-a-river/</link>
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		<title>Drinking And Driving.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[My kid hates me again!  He&#8217;s all mad because I wouldn&#8217;t let him drive.  Last time I let him drive, he took me to the wrong bar.  That time I forgave him because after all he&#8217;s only ten years old.  The other day I let him drive me around partying and [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/01/11/drinking-and-driving/</link>
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		<title>I Caught A Bug.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I&#8217;ve been doing a lot of gardening as a source of therapy these days.  It really sucks because all these yummy looking  bugs have suddenly come my way.  On one of my flowery plants there are these juicy juice looking thingies.  They look like living Starburst candy to me.  Anyway [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/01/06/i-caught-a-bug/</link>
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		<title>Mean Girls.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[RG worked her first day at the hole of hell.  It was fun for me.  Wait, wait, just wait, here it comes.  She fits!!!  Literally, she fits into this place that practically only an anorexic stick on diet pills can work.  She was like a little piece of rice with [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/01/06/mean-girls/</link>
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		<title>Welcome To My World.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Well RG is finally getting settled into the island life.  I&#8217;ve been on my best behavior thus far by only drinking at work and such.  It&#8217;s not like I shoot up at work, but still, she&#8217;s probably freaking out about our lax lifestyles in these parts.  When she visits me in rehab [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2009/01/01/welcome-to-my-world/</link>
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		<title>Jaunita Mi Perro es una Buena Chica.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Nothing is cuter then Jaunita Maria Anita Rosa Lopez.  My son brought home a baby bunny, which I laid out moth traps to rid it, finally I clubbed it to death for even attempting to be cuter then Juanita.  Anyway, my puppy is so cute she can do no wrong.  It was [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/12/31/jaunita-mi-perro-es-una-buena-chica/</link>
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		<title>House Hunting Hoe!</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Restaurant Gal is moving into my part of the sticks.  So, we&#8217;ve been on a mission to find this princess a home.  Skinny bitch.  Anyway, I warned her in advance these parts are holes full of shit, and some.  Still we were determined to seek a nice ocean view home for [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/12/21/house-hunting-hoe/</link>
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		<title>Ship It. Then Me.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I thank God and E-bay that I have finished all of my holiday shopping. I never once had to go to the mall or Walmart. No one trampled me, stabbed me, or shot me. I only had to go to one store and by the time they find out that all my checks are rubber, [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/12/17/ship-it-then-me/</link>
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		<title>Playing Dressup.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I am going to rave about my iphone again!  I have turned this bad girl into a wireless router and am using it as my official internet connection too.  My whole house is now under its control.  It&#8217;s like the swiss army tool of technology.  It&#8217;s just too cool.  I [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/12/13/playing-dressup/</link>
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		<title>My Newest iToy.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I got an early Christmas present today from the bossman. It&#8217;s not a bird. It&#8217;s not a plane.  It&#8217;s an iPhone.   Even Chuck Norris doesn&#8217;t have the powers this cool gadget has.  My new toy puts the Krypt in Ite. This is the most functional bundle I&#8217;ve ever fingered. It even [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/12/05/my-newest-itoy/</link>
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		<title>It&#8217;s Crappy.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I didn&#8217;t make much money today and I totally blame it on the weather.  It&#8217;s super cold down here.  Somewhere around 57 degrees or something.  I don&#8217;t know, it&#8217;s too cold to see the weather channel.   Anyway it&#8217;s hard to waitress in long johns, leg warmers, a trench coat, oven [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/12/05/its-crappy/</link>
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		<title>It Followed Me Home.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I got a new pet the other day.  It was a reject gift from a customer that was none too sad about giving a puppy to me.  Well I think it&#8217;s a puppy.  Anyway, whatever it is it&#8217;s really small.  When I brought it home it tripped over a flea.  [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/12/03/it-followed-me-home/</link>
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		<title>My New Dog?</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I need to come up with a plan to keep my new puppy, Juanita Maria Anita Rosa Lopez Conseco,  safe from household predators.  She really really likes my discount furniture, especially the couch, so she protects it like it&#8217;s  some kind of black pearl or something.  Anyway, she fought the dust [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/12/03/my-new-dog/</link>
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		<title>Where Did They Come From?</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I don&#8217;t get it, New yorkers are so fricking loud and obnoxious.  Especially at the table.  It&#8217;s like they all have hearing problems and have to speak like that wierd midget dude from the Wizard of Oz. The only thing worse than a group New yorkers at the table are New Yorkers moving [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/12/02/where-did-they-come-from/</link>
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		<title>Creative Leftovers.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I hate to waste food and this holiday brings out the waste in us.  Waste is everywhere.  Well this year I was determined not to waste anything.  My son used the leftover cranberry sauce for a school project.  He diluted the purple crap til it became a pale pink and made [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/12/02/creative-leftovers/</link>
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		<title>Flash Gordons.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Well it must be that time of year again. I don&#8217;t mean the holidays. I mean tourist season. Everywhere I turn I am blinded by the flash from these peoples damned digital cameras. Is it truly necessary to take a picture of every McDonalds you fucuking eat at while you&#8217;re on vacation? These idiots stop [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/12/01/flash-gordons/</link>
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		<title>Worst Artists Cd Grave.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I got really drunk yesterday and was trying figure out what to do with my old cds. Yes, turkey gets me to thinking.  Anyway, I thought I might try to regift the used cd&#8217;s  this Christmas. Then it occurred to me that most people don&#8217;t like the same music that I do. So [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/11/28/worst-artists-cd-grave/</link>
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		<title>Ungrateful Child Makes Me Thankful.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[It&#8217;s November and apparently I&#8217;m supposed to be thankful this month.  The Mayflower people said so.  Anyway, I really am appreciative of  a lot of things.  For example, I&#8217;m super gracious that my fat bitch neighbor pays for cable.  I steal her cable and that makes me thankful that I [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/11/28/ungrateful-child-makes-me-thankful/</link>
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		<title>Stick It.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I was using my digital camera the other day and I ran out of memory. I told my old man that I wanted a new memory stick for Christmas. He snickered pulled down his pants and said here you go. Here is a stick you won&#8217;t forget. I promptly smacked his left testicle. He hit [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/11/28/stick-it/</link>
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		<title>Another Fowl Day.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[It&#8217;s another food holiday already.  I&#8217;ve got so many cavities from last easter as it is. Not to mention I broke a tooth on last years candy canes.  Anyway, at least Thanksgiving isn&#8217;t about candy.  It&#8217;s about gravy.  It&#8217;s about shoving food up a turkeys ass before consuming it.  It&#8217;s [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/11/24/another-fowl-day/</link>
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		<title>Automotive Speedo.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[The smart car is a tiny little thingie. It&#8217;s like a Tic Tac on wheels. They say it is very fuel efficient. It gets thirty-three miles to the gallon.  The motor is about the size of my ipod nano.   Anyway, I saw one for sale on ebay for eleven thousand dollars. When [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/11/22/automotive-speedo/</link>
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		<title>Pain And A Pill.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I damn near choked to death trying to swallow a stinking diet pill. My old man thought that it was funny. He was pointing and laughing at me as I grasped my throat and turned blue. He didn&#8217;t even bother to offer any help. Luckily for me and unfortunately for him, the pill popped out [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/11/20/pain-and-a-pill/</link>
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		<title>Rico Coffee.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I went to get a passport yesterday which was a complete waste of time.  They made it impossible for me to leave my little island.  It was like getting home owner insurance in the hurricane capitol of the world.  First they gave me this book to fill out.  It asked questions [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/11/11/rico-coffee/</link>
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		<title>Can You Here Me Now?</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I&#8217;ve seen this little gif thingy all over the net for a while now.  Isn&#8217;t it cute?  It&#8217;s even funnier without the audio.  Even deaf people can understand what this funny guy is saying.  And one thing I can&#8217;t stand is people, but the deaf ones really piss me off. It [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/11/05/can-you-here-me-now/</link>
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		<title>My Face Gave Birth.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[After two months off I went back to work today.  It was an involuntary two months off, but hey, that suspension was the best vacation I&#8217;ve had in years.  Anyway, I grew a zit like 2 minutes after I walked in the door.  I couldn&#8217;t concentrate on serving anyone with an extra [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/10/24/my-face-gave-birth/</link>
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		<title>Playing Safe.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[The best thing about online sex is you don&#8217;t have to take your monitor out on a date, unless of course you are one of those cheap skates that uses cyber cafes or libraries to get on the net.  If you are one of those, then yes, you&#8217;ll have to hook up at Starbucks [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/10/24/playing-safe/</link>
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		<title>Now You See Me Now You Don&#8217;t.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I recently heard that among other things people are starting to have problems with discount diet pills. They are taking them for fun instead of what they are intended for. I cannot imagine what on earth the thrill would be. I hear that they are taking these pills and drinking red bull because it gives [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/10/22/now-you-see-me-now-you-dont/</link>
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		<title>Hollow Weenie.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[It&#8217;s that time of year again.  You know, where you can dress up like a total freak and knock on strangers doors asking them for something sweet to eat for free.  Sometimes I get lucky and an old douche bag gives me a quarter.  When I&#8217;m all done I usually go home [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/10/22/hollow-weenie/</link>
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		<title>Natural Selection.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I&#8217;m broke as a joke and needed to score a few bucks quick.  I went to the blood bank to excrete some of my plasma but they weren&#8217;t giving out cash today.  Instead they were giving out free tickets to some bowling alley 300 miles away.  So I went to the bar [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/10/19/natural-selection/</link>
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		<title>Large And In CHarge.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I was at the restaurant today getting ready for our re-opening.  You know, doing things like spraying the gum under the tables for roaches and ants.  Anyway, we are not opened for the next two days.  Mounted over the door is a big fat 8 ft. X 7 ft.  sign that [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/10/18/large-and-in-charge/</link>
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		<title>Stink Fingers.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[So I understand it&#8217;s Global Hand Washing Day (GHWD) today.  This day doesn&#8217;t really count if you have a home with a clean sink and a grocery store near by.  This movement targets the countries that suffer the most diarrhoeal diseases.  You know, the poor countries that have contaminated H20(mainly in Africa). [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/10/16/stink-fingers/</link>
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		<title>Destructive Behavior.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[There goes hurricane Omar.   Bye bye.  It&#8217;s been three years and not one good blow-job has come to my town.  The hurricane center has been telling me for the past three or four years that we are in for the &#8220;Big One&#8221;.  What a bunch of goddam liars.  It&#8217;s [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/10/16/destructive-behavior/</link>
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		<title>The Thing You Find.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I was going through my closet today and I found a rum stained towel, or something that rhymes with rum, and an ash tray from a vegas hotel. I vaguely remember spending a few nights in Vegas but I thought it was all bad dream. I dug a little deeper in the closet and found [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/10/14/272/</link>
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		<title>Home Sweet Home?</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Believe it or not in todays housing market people are still trying to get top dollar for condo rentals. I was looking for a night time job in the newspaper, but all I could find was a thousand listings of places for rent. I was amazed at how much everyone was asking. Some of them [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/10/12/home-sweet-home/</link>
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		<title>Cheating Death.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[So I heard on the news today that the Golden Gate Bridge is going to have a big 50 million dollar  net installed under it to catch all the stock brokers trying to commit suicide. I think they just need to install some home theater seating and popcorn machine so the rest of us [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/10/11/269/</link>
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		<title>Milk Money.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Everything is on credit now a days.  All the banks are too smart to just give me a credit crd.  A credit card is imagimoney. It never existed except in the pockets of the financial institutions CEOs. I decided that I should try to obtain one of the Bank of America credit cards. [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/10/09/milk-money/</link>
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		<title>Nothing To Read.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Right now I&#8217;m at the public library.  I have been down every row and even though there are books everywhere there is nothing to read. I have been looking for hours and have yet to find a single drop of smut. Unless you count Bill Clinton&#8217;s memoirs of the oval office. Oh, there was [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/10/07/nothing-to-read/</link>
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		<title>Those Eyes.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[One thing I hate when taking an order is some young Brittney Spears tramp ordering a cracker behind them fancy shiny sunglasses. Everyone knows that those sunglasses are seventies throw backs that were invented to hide the black eyes that your man gave you because you wouldn&#8217;t shut your whiney bitch mouth when he told [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/10/05/those-eyes/</link>
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		<title>It Used To Be A Big Bad Truck.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[The boss man has been on vacation, so I&#8217;ve been stuck at his house watching his evil kitty cat.  You just don&#8217;t know how rotten this furry gremlin is.  Anyway, that&#8217;s for another day.  So the boss man called me yesterday and told me to expect a BIG delivery.  I&#8217;m like, [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/10/04/it-used-to-be-a-big-bad-truck/</link>
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		<title>Money Where Your Mouth Is.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[With the recent banking crisis I have decided to shop around for new places to put my money. Then I heard about theOuter Banks. I thought that just what I need. A bank outside of the crisis. I looked it up, but all I could find was crap about North Carolina. I am not putting [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/10/03/money-where-your-mouth-is/</link>
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		<title>What Is It?</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I was out and about today, when I spied a man wearing something that looked like a timer from a bomb. It was yellow with a L.E.D. digital display. I thought to myself, what an odd watch. It seemed to be an odd place to wear it also. Why would someone clip a time piece [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/10/02/what-is-it/</link>
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		<title>Clean Air Act.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[After spending the night in the bus station selling high quality crack watches it occurred to me that the bus station could use some Austin Air air purifiers. Then I got to thinking. I could use one in the bathroom after my old man takes a huge dump. Perhaps in the kid&#8217;s closet where he [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/09/30/clean-air-act/</link>
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		<title>Found.  New Job.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I was in the bus station last night sleeping off a good drunk and a bad headache. I find that the smell of old sausage, vomit, urine, and dirty feet is just what is needed to clear ones head and help bring about a good purging of all the left over crap you ate while [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/09/30/found-new-job/</link>
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		<title>Are You Trying T Be A Dalmation?</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Today I saw a woman with what looked to be one of the most impressive herpie fields on earth. It looked like her face was being humped by pizza.  I was convinced you could see this thing from three galaxies away. I thought to myself, she needs to stop eating cupcakes and candy and [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/09/28/are-you-trying-t-be-a-dalmation/</link>
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		<title>Tofu Eeeeew.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[When the restaurant re-opens, my boss is going to add a new menu item for all you fanny pack wearing, meat hating, won&#8217;t touch dairy, fairyfied, fat burners. You sissies make me sick. Because of you, everyday I have to serve a shit smelling vegetable and tofu wrap with non-dairy creme sauce. I just want [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/09/26/tofu-eeeeew/</link>
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		<title>How To Lose Weight And Get Influenced.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Let me tell you about how to lose weight as a waitress.  First off, lose your job, then you will starve.  Second, drink a lot of alcohol derivatives that you can&#8217;t afford.  Things like mouthwash for breakfast, cough syrup  before dinner, and cologne after.  You can get coffee for free [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/09/25/how-to-lose-weight-and-get-influenced/</link>
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		<title>Great Balls.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[ I&#8217;m still on vacation(unemployed) for the next month or so I headed up to Ocala to molest some Orlando golf balls. I really liked them ball washer apparatus thingies.  You put a ball in it and pump it up and down until it&#8217;s all shiny and stuff. My old man could use one [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/09/25/great-balls/</link>
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		<title>Turning Tricks.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[This year my girlfriend took five separate Vegas vacations. She came back with a new wardrobe and money to burn. I thought to myself, she must be doing good on the slots. As she was getting ready for yet another trip, I asked her what games she was playing to get so much money. She [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/09/23/turning-tricks/</link>
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		<title>Sweet Sensation.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I was online trading photos with others pervs when I came across some chatter on yahoo. It was a man that wanted me to witness his cake farting.  Yes, cake farting.  He went on to tell me how he baked a cake and has it cooling off on the counter.  He just [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/09/23/sweet-sensation/</link>
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		<title>Cruise Control Please</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I just saw another piece of crap news clip about Tom Cruise&#8217;s crusade for Scientology shit, he and other brain dead morons subscribe to.  So let me get this straight. Scientology is the study of idiots that believe in the ramblings of a dead lunatic. I realize that that definition could apply to almost [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/09/20/cruise-control-please/</link>
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		<title>Boxed Lunch.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I went to pizza hut this evening.  The teenage waitress asked me for my order and I told her I wanted all the leftover stale bread and pizza slices that they were gonna throw in the trash to feed the raccoons.  She said she didn&#8217;t know if she could legally give me their [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/09/19/boxed-lunch/</link>
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		<title>My Old Man Was The Head Cheerleader.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Every year for two months I am jobless.  So like every year before, I applied for food stamps today.  I know I will be denied, but hey, all I have is time right now.  I did it out of boredom but you never know, this year might be different.  They just [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/09/19/252/</link>
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	<item>
		<title>Just Touch It.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[
 My old man says he won&#8217;t lick my nappy pussy. He won&#8217;t sniff it. He won&#8217;t stroke it. He won&#8217;t touch it. He says he can&#8217;t even stand to look at it. He just wants to put it out of his misery. He tried to shoot it, but I moved it as quickly as [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/09/13/just-touch-it/</link>
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	<item>
		<title>Over My Dead Body.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Yippee my &#8220;mother-in-bitch&#8221; died.  She was stirring up a big batch of &#8220;shut the fuck up soup&#8221; that fell off the stove and broke her neck on the cauldron.  So I asked my old man what he was going to do about his mothers funeral.  He said he wasn&#8217;t going to have [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/09/12/over-my-dead-body/</link>
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	<item>
		<title>Applaud Palin For Keeping The&#8230;Whatever It May Be.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[So I&#8217;m out here listening to the radio while hurricane Ike wreaks havoc on my tent, and the radio told me that Sarah Palins teenage daughter, Bristol, is knocked up.  Unfortunately for Bristol, abortion wasn&#8217;t an option.  That is why her mother has a child with down syndrome to begin with. I guess [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/09/10/applaud-palin-for-keeping-thewhatever-it-may-be/</link>
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	<item>
		<title>Still Roughing It.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Living in a tent and liking to read, It becomes evident how important the proper lighting is. I find that reading by the feeble light from a flickering candle becomes torturous. This must have been the reason for the invention of eye glasses. Then I tried to read by the glow of an oil lamp. [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/09/02/still-roughing-it/</link>
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	<item>
		<title>When It Sucks To Be Me.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Lookie at my new pad.  Isn&#8217;t it nice?  This too is a gift. A tent that my ex found for sale.  It&#8217;s like a portable closet.  First off I fricking hate sleeping outside of my trailer.  I enjoy light switches and microwaves too much.  The dirt in my food [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/08/29/when-it-sucks-to-be-me/</link>
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	<item>
		<title>He Can Kiss My Ass.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Anyway, I guess I&#8217;m moving out. The old man and I came to an agreement that I must be faithful to him only or else I would have to pack my bags.  Well you know me, I&#8217;m just not going to have that.  I told my old man that as soon as I [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/08/28/he-can-kiss-my-ass/</link>
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	<item>
		<title>Decision Time.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Last night I tried to ignore my old man so that I didn&#8217;t have to listen to him bitch about me leaving him and my crying son in the driveway as I got into a cab with another man. However, I think I heard him give me an ultimatum as I was trying to make [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/08/24/decision-time/</link>
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		<title>On A Bender.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Seriously, I JUST now got home.  It was like I took two days of luxury vacations under a bridge or something.  My old man is livid of course.    I only fell twice and was kicked out of just one bar in total.  The cops were only called on me [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/08/23/on-a-bender/</link>
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	<item>
		<title>Wind For Sale.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[I&#8217;m putting jars of hurricane wind on sale.  This is the best idea I&#8217;ve ever had so far and will possibly get me out of the restaurant biz.  You will have to be careful opening up the jars though because the wind will blow your mind, which I will disclose on my auction [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/08/18/wind-for-sale/</link>
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	<item>
		<title>Jesus Crist.</title>
		<description><![CDATA[Governor Crist just came on the TV and told us that we are all gonna die if we go outside of our house.  He said there will be down powerlines and we will fry like a death row inmate.  He said we shouldn&#8217;t be driving either because we are likely to mistake a [...]]]></description>
		<link>http://upsetwaitress.com/2008/08/18/jesus-crist/</link>
			</item>
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