It’s that time of year again. You know, where you can dress up like a total freak and knock on strangers doors asking them for something sweet to eat for free. Sometimes I get lucky and an old douche bag gives me a quarter. When I’m all done I usually go home and regift all the crap candy to the begging brats that hit me up. But not this year. This year is going to be different. I’m going to go through the tack shed and find all the oldhorse supplies and moldy rolled oats I can, and that’s what I am going to give out instead of crappy candy. I think I will make little puddles of acid on the walkway up to the house. Not only will it create an ominous fog, it will eat away at the brat’s shoes. I think it is better than the conventional razor blade in a candy apple. Besides that has been done to death.

I’m broke as a joke and needed to score a few bucks quick. I went to the blood bank to excrete some of my plasma but they weren’t giving out cash today. Instead they were giving out free tickets to some bowling alley 300 miles away. So I went to the bar to see if anyone wanted a cheap lap dance. The bartender said I had a tab from last week so I darted out the door. Anyway, I started to get really bummed out when it occurred to me to that I could just sell my vote. For that matter, I have some dead relatives that have been voting consistently for years. I would be more than happy to sell you their votes as well. I can sell them separate or to one buyer. It really won’t matter which. It’s not like votes have counted in the last two elections. However, we might get lucky this time around. Maybe I’ll go into being a vote broker. Now I just have to figure out if I can or should sell them on E-bay. Perhaps I will develop a new website devoted to the buying and selling of votes. I could call it V-bay. If selling votes on the website doesn’t work out, I could always use it to auction off used sex toys. Just remember that if you buy these votes they do not count in Florida. Also dead person votes work better in the state of Georgia or in the city of Chicago. As with any auction, these votes will go to the highest bidder. Unfortunately, given the current polls, the re pube licking ones will probably snack them up like a snuff queen sucking jizz off the end of some hairy Italians cock. It is possible however that the dumb E craps could want to secure their position in the next Whitehouse sex scandal. I suppose it is a little early to project who will win the election. The only thing that is certain is that whichever one of the two candidates wins, their Vice-presidential nominees will be President within the first two years. I believe Vegas is laying odds on assassination versus corrinary. I think it’s pretty much even odds. Well I have to hit the streets and try to unload these votes.