Ok I’m a bad blogger. Like a severe case of herpes, I am back though. My sudden absence was because I stupidly took on another job and simply didn’t have time for anything. Luckily I got fired from my other job and I’m now down to just one. I’ve been trying to get fired from that job too but I don’t think it will happen. My boss is more fucked up then me and so is the staff. Last night the manager showed up in mix-matched socks and his shirt on backwards. Which must have been awkward considering it was his ex-wife’s frilly, double breasted blouse. I spent half the night trying to figure out how the hell he buttoned the damn thing. I did notice that his purse matched one of his shoes nicely. Even though the purse matched the red crocodile stiletto it was a little odd looking with the black and white saddle shoe. Then the managers boss showed up. Ironically, wearing the other half of the managers ensemble. That black patent leather purse popped against the sequinsed skirt and Metalica T-shirt. It’s no wonder I can’t get fired. These people make my fucked up look like sober. I just hope I will have more chances to tell you all about it.

I don’t know what the hell this is, but it lives in my house and I named it. I don’t get how she can take up my whole bed either. It seems like only yesterday she found me and I had her balls cut off.

I’ve not visited sobriety since Dec. 30th ‘09. Or was it Jan. 1st ‘10. Oh who am I kidding I was drunk at birth. When I staggered out of the womb and plopped onto the bar room floor I had my first cigarette. It was there on the floor where my mom had dropped it during her last contraction. After enjoying a good smoke I gnawed myself free from the afterbirth and headed to the crapper. I cleaned myself off and went back to the bar. I climbed up the leg of some hot dude who was talking to my mother. That’s where I fell in love with Dick. When I reached the top of the bar I screamed at my mother to let her know I was hungry. She had the bartender put some peanuts, pretzels, and a white Russian in a blender, pour it into a beer bottle, put a leaky condom on it and give it to me. My first diaper was a cocktail napkin. I have been drinking ever since. So when people say that I should make my new years resolution to quit drinking, I poo on my cocktail napkin and throw it at them. I think next year my resolution will be to try wearing big girl panties instead of paper products that advertise beer when I go out. At least until my clothes fall off. Happy New Beer!!!!!!
WOO HOO
     OO
        O O
            O O
                O
                    O
                        O
                          ! THUD!!!!!